You know the ones I mean.
The “Oh holy crap, did someone really just give me that?” variety.
When I was a teenager I had an aunt who ran a department at Time/Life. She attended numerous publishing conventions and thought it was great fun to collect the freebies off the exhibitors tables and then wrap them up as gifts. Over the years I received Exxon pencil sets, IBM keychains, and Dow Chemical clipboards. I got Sheraton note paper and Hilton shampoo. I even unwrapped Army camouflage toilet paper for my birthday one year.
Good times.
But every once in a while, she would actually purchase something. Not a hardship, considering the woman had a blue chip stock portfolio as long as my arm.
When I was 15, she must have gone to a thrift store….because she came home and gifted me with a slightly used “pretty blue and white porcelain thing.”
That’s what she called it, The Thing….. not knowing what it really was. When she apologized for the strong smell and told me I should probably wash it?
I realized it was a bong.
Okay, so she nailed it that time.
Me and The Thing had many happy years together.
But by far the most interesting and ludicrous gift she ever gave me was this book I found when cleaning out my closet a few weeks ago.
She majored in English Lit at Smith and probably thought a collection of light hearted verse would be nice.
But sadly…
Attention to detail was not her strong suit.
As witnessed by the table of contents.
Yeah.
When you have a chapter on buggery?
They’re not your mother’s limericks.
I’m not a prude, but wow.
Some of those rhymes make even me blush.
And as much as I’d like to share the truly colorful ones with you, I don’t want to get WordPress blacklisted.
So here’s a small sampling of the mildest instead.
The moral of the story?
If you’re buying a book as a gift, it’s probably a good idea to scan a few of the pages for content first.
That being said, if you’re ever in need of a filthy limerick…
I’m your girl.
See?
There’s a way to sneak Game of Thrones into everything.
466 is particularly relevent in this part of the world.
Putting that aside for the moment, can I borrow this book? Purely for accademic research, of course.
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I would, but I’d probably be arrested for transporting lewd materials across state lines…
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My parents had one of those limerick books… not quite as explicit as yours, but pretty close. Cartoon illustrations, too. I spent many a happy hour paging through it.
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This one is really, REALLY explicit. It took me almost an hour to find these tame examples.
No cartoons though.. for which I am exceedingly grateful.
😉
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Yikes, that’s one eye-popping table of contents! Way to go, Auntie!
To answer the question in the title, I’d have to say, sure, but not like yours. And for that, I cannot decide if I’m grateful or disappointed.
Whoever compiled the limericks, though was very thoughtful to include notes, variants, AND an index. Very thoughtful.
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I’d like to give her credit, but she truly had no idea what was she was buying …. and I never had the heart to tell her.
As for the thoughtful authors, yes. You’d hate to waste time on the virginity chapter when what you really wanted was buggery.
Very thoughtful indeed…
😉
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Hilarious. You can always count on an aunt for the crazy gifts.
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If she had only known…
😉
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I love the mortician limerick, hilarious! I had a former coworker that was infamous for re-gifting. One year we had a gift exchange for Christmas and the re-gifter coworker gave another of my co-workers a Flamingo Pin that she had gotten from one of our directors the year before. The only thing is, we had seen her wear the pin throughout the year then she put it back in the box and gave it to my other coworker for Christmas! So as a joke, a group of us give that Flamingo Pin to each other come Christmas each year. We’ve been doing it now for eleven years now. lmao
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That’s perfect!
I don’t really have a problem with regifting… but only if it’s still brand new, never used and in the original packaging. Wearing it for a year and then regifting? That’s a big no no.
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That’s not too out there. I occasionally write limericks about Chamber of Horrors.
My friend gets me framed pictures of bathtubs every time she finds them. I have a framed picture of a fork from her hanging in my room.
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It may not be too out there… but it sure as Hell surprised the 15 year old me!
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*Looking for a list of psychiatrists for you. Beyond worried to OMG now.*
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Oh, come on.
You have to admit you chuckled…
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Of course I did but I didn’t want everyone ELSE to know I did! lol
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Too late.
😉
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well shit.
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It’s alright..
You’re in good company.
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cool
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Filthy limericks are just the best. Nothing turns me into a 12 year old faster.
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Then you’d love this book… it puts the filth in filthy.
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Lol
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That’s it?
Or are you really speechless….
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Yep 🙂
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Imagine if I had posted the colorful ones….
🤪
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It’s not quarter past one ,half past six
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Guess it all depends on your dial….
😉
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OMG! THAT was f****** hilarious! Now I know where “There once was a man from Nantucket…” came from! 🤣
I was never gifted with aunts in my family. My dad had a younger brother & my mom had four brothers. All I had were strange women that agreed to share my uncles’ last names (as a side note, my mom’s maiden name is Griswold so, I will leave you to entertain yourself over that one).
As far as I can tell, there is only one thing that will get you unceremoniously thrown off of WP…writing anything derogatory about S@ndy H00k. Past that, it is an open door. There is sex all over WP…the subtle, the strange, the kinky, the hot stuff and the “pour bleach in my eyes” stuff. WP only requires a “mature content” tag.
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Good to know, thank you. Maybe I’ll do a follow up with some of the really raunchy ditties in the future….
My family is small. I’m an only child. My mother was an only child, born to an only child. Thankfully my father had 3 siblings… though only one other had children. Clearly we didn’t like each other that well.
😕
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I’m an only child, too. My mom’s people had big, farming families. My dad’s side might have been bigger but, my GM lost three babies. I am the only granddaughter on that side. On the other side, I am the only granddaughter with a different last name and born on my GM’s birthday. I SPECIAL. 🤪😳😇🤓
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You is!
Sadly I never knew my grandparents. My mother’s parents went back to Austria before I was born, my father’s father died when my dad was 10, and his mother died when I was 2 so I have no memory. They say you can’t miss what you never knew, but I kind of do.
😰
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Have mercy… I am the opposite. When I came along in 1966, on my dad’s side, I had my full set of maternal GGPs (passed when I was 15) & my paternal GGF was still around (passed when I was five). On my mom’s side, my maternal GGM was still around but, passed when I was two. Had my GMs well into my 30s & 40s.
You miss them terribly when they pass and they were a part of your life for any length of time. 💔😥😖
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No aunt has ever given me a gift that is “unexpurgated” and for that reason alone I am jealous of you for receiving such a *unique* gift. 😳
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Well, there was certainly plenty to expurgate here….
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The limericks are everything, I am totally here for them! This aunt sounds like she was actually the coolest aunt ever, lol.
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She wasn’t… only accidentally!
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She was like a cult classic!
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She was a frumpy old staid New Englander with absolutely no sense of humor….. which is what made the dirty Limerick gift so funny!
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AND TODAY THEY ARE WORTH MILLIONS BUT YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS CHEAP!!
” Over the years I received Exxon pencil sets, IBM keychains, and Dow Chemical clipboards. I got Sheraton note paper and Hilton shampoo. I even unwrapped Army camouflage toilet paper for my birthday one year.”
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She was cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap!
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Wow, my kind of humor! I could have a field day with all of that “literature”…
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It is….
Educational to say the least.
😈
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That is a very funny gift and a great post! I love the limericks, and the idea that she bought that book for you not knowing what it was.
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That was the best part…. trying to keep a straight face when I realized what it was!
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Oh my Gawwwwd, I almost died of LOLZ! Thank you 🙂 It was worth all the crying and choking! LMAO!
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And those were the clean ones…
🤣
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That’s hilarious! Why do I get the feeling your aunt secretly gave you those presents on purpose?
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No, she really didn’t. That’s the best part!!
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Ha love it they are amazing!!
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There are thousands of them in there and I had to work hard to find a few suitable for posting!
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