Please throw that away….

 

My husband is a hoarder.

He collects. He acquires.

He’s never met an empty space he didn’t immediately want to fill.

And he saves everything.

 

 

I’ve learned over the years that if I let him have certain sections of our home… the garage, the shed, the barn, the cellar and a closet….. I can just close the doors and pretend they’re not filled with crap.

 

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He’s a good man, and a wonderful husband. Lord knows there are worse things to deal with than too much stuff .

Of course I also have to clear paths now and then… a la the Collyer Brothers.

It took the police 5 hours to find his body.

 

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When it starts to drive me nuts?

I tell myself it’s just a quirk of his personality and I love him anyway. Sometimes I have to say that twice.

But the other day I realized he’s been stuffing my file drawers full of old, unwanted documents for years.. and that won’t be tolerated.

 

 

Leave and earnings statements from 1986? Check!

Insurance bills from 2001? Why not.

Water purity test results from 2007? Yup.

A Groupon for a restaurant that went out of business 7 years ago? Of course.

His late mother’s newspaper delivery renewal form? Sure.

Doctors instructions for a colonoscopy prep in 1999? Oh, yeah.

Why does he want these things?

I have no earthly idea, but they sure pile up.

 

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( Yes, that’s a stash of alcohol in my office.

Don’t judge, the liquor cabinet is full. )

 

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So I shredded. And shredded. And shredded some more.

I shredded so long and so much….

The shredder was literally smoking.

Which could have gone very wrong…. very quickly.

 

 

3 hours of sorting and shredding and almost catching the house on fire later, it was done.

And you know what that means?

Tomorrow he’s going to ask me for that Security Awareness Virtual Initiative Course completion certificate from 2003.

I just know it.

 

 

 

52 thoughts on “Please throw that away….”

  1. In the second picture I see one of those priceless, dark blue, plastic buckets. This guy knows his stuff.

    “Doctors instructions for a colonoscopy prep in 1999?” Important medical document. May come in handy at home even.

    My personal Bookmark collection is quite extensive and saves me getting socks and undies every single last birthday.

    Like

    1. Lol.
      The buckets, yes. He even has the rare burnt umber #5 edition. A lucky find indeed.
      Colonoscopy prep instructions also come in handy when that annoying uncle shows up for dinner unannounced.
      Bookmarks! I think you’ve managed to find the one thing he doesn’t collect.
      Yet….

      Like

    1. Exactly which rock have you been hiding under…?

      …”Each year, the retail giant sells almost $4 billion in alcohol, with wine making up almost half of that number. Annette Alvarez-Peters, Costco’s beverage alcohol manager, told Market Watch magazine that the chain made $1.69 billion in wine sales in 2016, making it the largest wine retailer in the country.”

      Not everyone goes there for the 48 roll package of toilet paper ya know…
      😃

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My son is the same way, you know my 33 year old that still lives with me, yeah that one. He saves so much crap he’s got one side of my two car garage crammed with, well….crap. Garbage bags full of old check stubs, insurance forms, empty CD cases. Oh heaven forbid he gets a delivery from Amazon, he saves the boxes!! But that might come in handy, because I might be moving to my new house in the next couple of months. But other than that, my son needs help, just like your hubs so it seems, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. When we moved here from NC years ago? The husband came up ahead of me while I packed up and sold the house. I also had a ginormous yard sale and he’s never missed a single thing!!

        Like

  3. When my one sister was down helping to clean up my parents’ house, she kept saying, “Oh, Daddy….” My dad kept everything. He had old magazines from the 60s and 70s. He actually thought he’d be able to sell them. For money! Drove my poor mom crazy.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My wife; the hoarder of Walmart (type) plastic grocery bags. I will say (as far as I know) there are none from 1999, so that’s a plus. Still… bags and boxes and boxes and bags of the durn things.

    That having been said, I am not without my own “hoarding” issues…
    ***okay, so enough about me. Moving on.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Truth be told I have very little chicken memorabilia. The photos are digital from now on, so that’s not space consuming. Margaritas? I don’t hoard them, I drink them.
      As for shoes?
      Well, you’ve got me there!

      Like

  5. Oh how I love this. You can not imagine how many screwdrivers and tools in general we have, Didn’t matter if hubby was at work or at home, can’t find it buy another. I have a rule hubby doesn’t know about, anything of his left in the shed for 1 yr gets pitched, sold or donated. He has never missed any of it, not even the 6 foot speaker boxes, yes 2 of them. Thought I might get caught that time LOL The motorcycle that didn’t run was the hardest to get rid of…. probably was kids who took it I imagine. tehe tehe

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I don’t hoard stuff — I just file it until I have time to look at it. When that day finally arrives, I’ll probably find a ton of years-old unpaid bills and a winning lottery ticket what would have paid them. So, I’m even.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sorry to burst your bubble, but that’s the very definition of paper hoarding…
      Welcome to the club, your card is in the mail. Which you should finally open in what… 2029?

      Like

  7. Yeah, my dad’s a hoarder. He actually fell and broke his arm in his hoard. Did I mention he also lives alone? Guess who is going to be left to deal with all of his old, broken, “treasures” whenever he decides to shuffle off this mortal coil? That’s why he will live forever. That’s right. Until he gets rid of all his crap, he’s not allowed to die. There’s a stalemate going on. Also, I love my Dad and want him to hang around, anyway! But that ever-growing hoard! *shudder* Good luck to you, River! ~ Mona

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh yes ma’am, the paper hoarding is dreadful! My husband is the same, but he has gotten better. I think the internet helps. Scan and save.
    About his tiny paper pile in the kitchen, the one THAT FEELS HUGE TO ME – the other day I heard him say to a child, “I need to go through these papers and see what I really need to keep…” and then verily he did sort, throw away, and file. I was so proud! I also almost passed out right there at the stove. Hah!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hallelujah! A true miracle. I’m never that lucky. My other half went to get gas yesterday and came home with an awful, old, beat up table… in pieces.
      That’s definitely harder to shred.
      🙄

      Liked by 1 person

  9. The husband hoards bikes. High quality, very expensive carbon fiber road bikes. It’s a problem both space-and-money-wise. Also, we have a his and hers side of our desk in the office. Guess whose side comes closest to resembling your husband’s spaces? That’s right – not mine. About once a year, usually around the start of summer break, I can often successfully bully-nag-beg (a very nuanced interpersonal transaction I’ve honed over the years) him into going through the pile, and it ends up being reduced quite a bit, but never to the point where I can actually see the desktop. Then the buildup starts again over the course of the next year. Gotta take the bad with the good. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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