We had a really wet, cool fall last year with a really wet, cool spring this year…. and it was rough on the landscaping. The blueberry bushes look punky, the rhododendrons are spindly and we had 2 deaths.
While garden deaths usually don’t make me cry, these did.
For those of you who don’t know, my mother died July of 2014 from Non Hodgkins Lymphoma, and it was rough. I’m an only child and lost my dad when I was 15. I never knew my grandparents.
She was my family. Pretty much all of it.
Mom hated the fuss of funerals and wanted to be cremated. Said it was up to me to decide what to do with her ashes. Since she loved spending time at our home and enjoyed our gardens, I planted a tulip tree with part of her nourishing the soil.
The tree had been growing well since then, but didn’t survive the winter and spring. We had to remove it…. and I cried.
Cried.
Silly, I know. And yes, I can always plant another one, but somehow it just feels…. wrong.
Then there was the beautiful red rose our neighbor gave me to mark her passing.
It was stunning, and always filled with riotous blooms.
I would walk by, think of my mother and smile.
I mean damn…
The crazy thing would even bloom in the snow.
I figured nothing would kill it… and then we had a really cool, wet fall and a really cool, wet spring.
Yeah.
The beauty that I’d been enjoying for years…. gone. Just like my mom.
And I cried.. again. I couldn’t help it.
But I decided to replace the rose.
With this flashy lady.
The blooms looked almost painted….
Which made sense when I removed the tag.
I’ve always loved impressionist paintings, so that felt right.
Fingers are crossed this one does well.
I think my mother would have approved.
❤
There’s nothing wrong with remembering your mom and feeling her loss. Maybe that’s why you were so upset: Because the loss of those plants reminded you of your loss of your mother…
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It did… and also? The feeling of failure.
😰
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That’s understandable…
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Oh River, I’m sorry about your mom and the tree and roses that reminded you of her. We do feel like we’ve failed at times, especially when we care for things that remind us of someone we love so much. But with your green thumb, that beautiful garden of yours will bloom before you know it.
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Thanks. It will be 5 years next month…. but sometimes? It still feels like yesterday.
😰
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I am sorry about your mother and the plants that reminded you of her. Roses in the snow was beautiful and resilience at its best.
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Thank you.
That rose was amazing…. thought nothing could kill it. I was wrong.
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☹ Ahhhhh, and this post made me cry….Well, tear up a little. I’m right there with you in the heartbreak of losing the roses and the tulip tree, especially the tulip tree, since Mom’s ashes provided part of the soil. 🙁
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It’s a silly thing… but it hit me like a ton of bricks.
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Honestly, I don’t think it’s silly. I think it’s a real reaction to a very emotional thing.
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Good luck with the latest attempt. Tears are understandable.
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Thanks. Fingers crossed the woodchucks don’t take a liking to this one….
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I get that. It was like the death of his dream and I cried when each of Nick’s cars left even knowing I’d finally get to see them on the roads being enjoyed.
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That’s got to be worse. They were his…. and seeing them go would be gut wrenching.
This was just a silly flower.
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No. Not just a silly flower. Part of your mom. But she is part of that soil now so whatever you plant there is a part of her. xoxo
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Technically no. She was part of the tree that died and I still can’t make myself replace that yet.
The rose was just a memorial gift our neighbors gave me to mark her passing. But it was a lovely gesture and I feel horrible it died.
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Part of the tree that died…..? Her ashes were in the ground you planted it in right?
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The tree was planted 2014, it died and we pulled it up this spring. Technically she’s still in the soil…. but the rose was in a different spot.
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It’s ok. She’s still with you. Have faith.
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River,
My heart goes out to you! Grief is like that and you did not fail, though I understand why you feel that way! This was out of your control. I know you’re mom is so proud of you and I think she’ll love the new flowers! A great big hug to you, my friend! Mona
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Thanks. Grief is a funny thing… it sneaks up and whacks you on the side of the head when you least expect it.
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It does, indeed!
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Plants, like people, are fickle. I don’t believe that you failed, I’d say you learned a few lessons– and wouldn’t your mother be proud of you for doing so? A few tear along the way make it all the more memorable.
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Maybe, but I’m not sure I know what the lesson was…..
😉
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Pick one, any one. They’re all good.
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That’s a nice sentiment. I’m a bit like that, have things to remember people. I’m quite sentimental as well as mental just don’t tell anyone. We’re currently doing garden things at the moment – so,as you know my situation, it has an extra edge to it, as I know it’s very likely I’ll be looking at the flowers,honeysuckle,firethorn etc alone.
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But the memories they evoke years from now will be filled with love. And glorious scent…. honeysuckle is wonderful.
💕
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Seems to be growing ok, bittersweet as my granddad used to say. None stop rain lately, so some have drowned, not honeysuckle though.
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That was our problem this season…rain. Rain. And more rain. We’re literally just drying out the wet lawn spots now.
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She is still looking over your shoulder and shaking her head at some of your posts–I know because she complains to me and I just say “You know your daughter!” and smile.
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Good to know!
😊
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*hugs*
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I’m sad for you. Gosh that’s just rotten.
I do so like the sassy new lady. I sure hope she thrives!
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She’s very bright and colorful. A nice addition if she does well…
😊
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That is a beautiful replacement choice. My fingers are crossed for you. I would have cried, too.
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Grief is a strange thing… I never know what will set me to crying.
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This is true.
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