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Kiss my grass…

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Now that the driveway replacement is complete, it’s time to battle the ditch from Hell.

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This feature has been the bane of my husband’s existence ever since we moved to this house 21 years ago.

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It runs the full length of our property on both sides of the driveway and was dug (illegally as it turns out) by the previous owner.

Our neighbors on the left don’t have a ditch.

Our neighbors on the right don’t have a ditch.

The farm across the street doesn’t have a ditch… but we have a ditch that over the years has been caving in, filling up with gravel and broken road tar and becoming a nightmare to mow, weed whack and kept clean.

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My husband had the grass growing all the way to the road until the town in their infinite wisdom decided to scrape the sides down to gravel last year.

This increased the caving in by making it more unstable to snow plows and mail trucks that ride on top.

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Needless to say we’d had enough of maintaining said ditch and asked the driveway company what it would cost to lay perforated pipe the entire length and cover it with dirt we could seed and mow a flat lawn all the way to the road.

We were told nothing could be done until we had a signed permit. So we went to the town… who told us to go to Maine public works.

So we went to Maine public works… who told us to go the state DOT.

So we went to the state DOT… who told us to go to the town.

After a week and a half of this insanity I wanted to repeatedly stab myself with a fork… but my husband figured marching up to the capitol and finding the head man would be more productive. So that’s what he did. He found the guy who’s in charge of every single road in the state. He explained the situation and arranged for this overworked fellow to visit our property in order to give permission for us to fill in our ditch.

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Head guy came, head guy looked, head guy listened, and said he had to talk to legal.

A week later head guy called with a denial.

To which we wanted to say…

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The lame excuse he gave was this…. if he granted permission for us to fill in the ditch, who’s to say the next owner wouldn’t want up dig it out again.

What the …. what?

Who cares!

To pacify my irate husband, he agreed to visit us again with a proposal that the state could come and dig out the ditch, build up the sides and make it more stable… at their cost. Which sounds good in theory but in reality would just put us back to where we were 21 years ago with a steeper ditch that’s harder to keep clean. And I hate to say it, but we aren’t getting any younger.

Head guy is coming back next week.

I’ll keep you posted.

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26 thoughts on “Kiss my grass…”

  4. You probably said this already, but just tell the head guy you will pay for it all on your own, just have him sign the papers. If the next owner wants to make a ditch, WHICH HE/SHE WON’T SEEING AS NO ONE ELSE HAS A DITCH!, then they can fight town hall. Right now it is your property, and you should be able to have your property your way! (Nicely of course, with a bottle of homemade preserves in clear site but without any refrence to said bribe so no one can say it is a bribe!)

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    1. We were willing to pay to fill it in and told him that. But we would need a permit and the heavy equipment companies won’t haul dirt in without one. Technically, it’s not our property… the state owns the first ten feet from the road.
      😖

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      2. We are. But it’s a drainage issue and they say if we don’t grade it properly it could affect the road and that’s illegal.
        There are lots of ditches like this in Maine, but most people just let the weeds grow high and don’t worry about clearing it.

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  5. Holy Ditch Hell!! It sounds like you live in Texas not Maine. The stupidity and annoyance of bureaucratic red tape really does go a long way, doesn’t it? Geez Louise I can’t believe that the head guy actually thought “What if y’all decide to sell this house and the next owner wants to dig it up again?” Mind you this is an illegally dug ditch right? Say that five times, illegally dug ditch….ugh.

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    1. It was done before we moved in 22 years ago which makes it virtually impossible. We told the state man, but he wasn’t there then so wouldn’t comment. As for politicians, our local guy lives a few doors down and has his own ditch.
      🤣

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  7. WOW. I wonder why the previous owners made the ditch to begin with.
    We have swales in front of the homes here…a place for the rain to collect, so it doesn’t sit on the road, but it’s much more subtle and not a problem to mow.
    Good luck, you’re going to need it.

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  8. That area is surely easement. I am surprised they did not try to fine you for an illegal ditch, since I would bet the previous owner did not get permits to create it. Sometimes it easier to get forgiveness than permission.

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