As my garden grows…

 

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Day lilies.

 

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They’re vibrant…

 

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And colorful…

 

 

(Is it me… or is that mildly disturbing?)

 

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They’re prolific…

 

 

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Long lasting…

 

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(Well that explains why my refrigerator died. They wanted it to.)

 

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And easy to care for.

Plant… forget… and enjoy.

 

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The same goes for Hostas, although they prefer some shade.

Everything is in marvelous bloom right now.

 

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Except the sunflowers the chipmunk from Hell planted in my petunias.

 

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They may take a while.

 

 

Happy gardening!

Who knew?

 

I did,  because…

 

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Did you know…

The phrase “hands down”  (as in “He won that game hands down.”)  was first used in the 19th century to describe a horse racing victory? It signified the jockey was so far ahead he could drop the reins and relax his arms.

 

 

Well, not quite.

 

Did you know….

Bruno Mars played an Elvis impersonator as a child in the 1992 film Honeymoon in Vegas?

It’s true.

 

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Did you know….

Mosquito repellants do not repel, they hide.

The spray blocks a mosquito’s sensors so they don’t even know you’re there.

 

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Did you know…

During WWII, America tried to train bats to drop bombs.

Silly Americans, what were we thinking?

Bats won’t even play fetch.

 

 

 

Did you know….

The Roman emperor Caligula made his horse a Senator.

Maybe we should try this….

It can’t be any worse.

 

 

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Did you know…

The Bible has been translated into Klingon?

 

 

Well, you do now.

Too good not to share… Part 2.

 

Before we found our current house, I went on what I lovingly refer to as the “Homes From Hell Tour” with my real estate agent. It was a seller’s market back in 2002 and they were selling some crazy sh*t.

We found a bedroom floor with a large hole in the center. It was a crater, you could see 2 stories down…. we found a trampoline in a living room with bumper pads on the walls and ceiling…. and we found a room entrance completely covered with blue tarps and duct tape. Apparently you only got to see what was in there if you purchased the place.

So yes, these crazy realtor photos make me laugh.

 

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Curtains.

You’re doing it wrong.

 

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When you’re bound and determined to make use of every last inch of space.

 

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Good luck finding a bath mat to fit there.

 

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I’m speechless.

And that doesn’t happen very often…

 

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Good to know.

 

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If you really, really, really want to live by the ocean… but can’t afford it.

 

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And finally..

When you can’t afford wallpaper, but grandma has some spare rugs in her attic.

 

 

Say it isn’t so…..

 

Autumn is closing in.

And it’s my favorite time of the year.

 

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The air is crisp, the trees are full of apples….

 

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And if you’re lucky enough to live in Maine like I do?

 

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Mother Nature puts on a glorious show of turning leaves.

 

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(Yes, those are my photos. And yes, those are my apple trees.)

But this year?

There’s something I’m not looking forward to.

The annual Pumpkin Spice’d   every damn thing but condoms  invasion will be rolling out shortly, and while that’s annoying enough….

This year?

There’s a new kid on the pumpkin spiced block.

 

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It’s true… as well as disgusting.

 

 

Yes.

Pumpkin Spiced Spam.

 

Forget changing leaves and brisk breezes — pumpkin spice is the official harbinger of fall. And, for better or worse, Spam is entering the flavor fray.

Starting September 23, lovers of all things autumn can purchase limited-edition Spam Pumpkin Spice on Walmart and Spam’s online stores, a spokesperson for Hormel Foods told CNN.
There’s no pumpkin in this pork: It’s mixed with cinnamon, clove, allspice and nutmeg, according to the spokesperson.
What could a sweet mystery meat possibly pair well with? Spam recommends topping waffles with it, adding it to a fall vegetable hash or baking it into a cornbread muffin.
Honestly, waking up to a warm stack of Spam-and-waffles on a chilly fall morning sounds kinda nice.
Could this sweet SPAM be the tipping point for pumpkin spice fatigue? It’s not likely–people go crazy for the flavor, and it’s rooted in neurology: Sugar and pumpkin spice are an addictive combination that the brain learns to crave.
And with seasonal marketing from pumpkin spice pushers like Starbucks, brains and bodies begin to associate autumn and comfort with the flavor.
So if you’re into pumpkin spiced Spam, don’t be ashamed.
You’re just wired that way.

 

 

While there’s no amount of money that could convince me try it and report back….

If one of you would, I’d appreciate a first hand account of how truly awful it is.

What do you think of when I say…

 

Luxury item?

A yacht to sail the 7 seas…

 

 

That works… as long as you don’t forget your Brie En Croute is in the oven while you’re sipping champagne on the port side.

A fancy sports car?

 

 

Sure…. I can see you cruising into Goodwill in that.

How about a tropical beach house?

 

 

With hot and cold running cabana boys?

I’m in!

What you probably don’t think of when I say luxury item?

These:

 

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Although in many states, including my own….

 

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That’s exactly how they’re viewed and taxed.

As luxury items.

 

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Is your jaw hanging open?

Because mine was.

 

 

Take my word for it gentlemen…

Luxurious is not the word women use to describe that time of the month.

It’s not even close.

 

Just in time for Halloween.

 

I like candy.

 

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You probably like candy.

 

 

I imagine everyone likes some kind of candy….

 

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I dare you to like this candy.

 

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Yes….. Zombie Skittles are coming to a store near you.

 

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Hidden rotten flavored pieces?

 

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So let me get this straight…. I chew all the normal fruity flavors with stupid new names and then bam!

I swallow one that tastes like a zombie….

 

 

What the hell does a zombie taste like?

 

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Okay, thanks.

That certainly clears it up.