Call me crazy…

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Go ahead, I know you want to. But in this case I’m crazy like a fox because I’ve found a product with multiple uses.

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The Woof Washer!

Okay, sure… it will clean the mud off your dog. But think of the possibilities.

Little Johnnie Jr. beat up the neighbor’s kid and is covered in blood?

Woof Washer!

Your 5 year old daughter found your stash of stripper glitter?

Woof Washer!

Your husband comes home from the bar reeking of cheap beer and even cheaper perfume ?

Woof Washer!

I’m telling you, this thing is pure gold.

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Out with the old, in with the … old as well.

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The husband came home with his old as f*cking dirt new truck last week.

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“New” truck.

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Old truck.

Do you see a vast improvement? Because I don’t.

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Old truck.

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Smiling husband in his 28 year old “new” truck.

This might not bother me so much if it wasn’t for the fact that used car and truck prices are certifiably insane right now and he paid twice what it should be worth.

Thanks again Covid. You suck.

☹️

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I hate false advertising.

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In a delightful break from the Ball Wash and testicle hammock ads, I’ve been seeing women’s fashion on my feed instead.

Not sure why since I never buy clothes I can’t try on first, but anything that replaces random male crotch shots is an improvement as far as I’m concerned.

I do however take issue with their product claims.

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For every body?

Trust me, this suit is not made for any woman over a size 4 and is why young girls grow up hating their bodies.

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Adore Me?

More like Obey Me or Else. Whip and handcuffs not included.

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Royally soused.

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The husband and I dropped by one of our favorite places this week, The Royal River Grillhouse.

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And since it was the New Year? I had two of the above pictured New Year cocktails.

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It was a cold day and no one wanted to sit on the porch, even with the massive heaters going full blast.

This restaurant’s bar is known for it’s liberal pours as proven by my third and final drink, the Gooseberry Bellini.

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Yes, that’s an actual Grey Goose vodka bottle with the neck cut off. They use them as glasses and let me tell you, when you finish a cocktail in one of those babies?

You know it.

I left the Royal River Grillhouse royally soused… so no false advertising there.

🤣

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Marking decades of wedded bliss.

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The husband and I celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary recently. It doesn’t seem possible since I’m only 39 years old, but the Hallmark cards don’t lie.

My other half is a sweetie and had a nice flower arrangement delivered.

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It’s a little lopsided because the delivery man came early and slipped on the driveway ice we hadn’t yet treated. Thankfully he was okay, and that must be some tough glass because the vase didn’t even chip.

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I can tell my husband answered the florist’s annual question “what’s her favorite color?” with the technically correct… though wrong for this situation…. green.

I do love green, and it is my favorite … but when it comes to floral arrangements? A bit more color would be nice.

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I’m not complaining, but there are enough lilies in this one to make our house smell like a funeral home.

And though he didn’t get that quite right, I have to say… when it came to card selection?

He totally nailed it.

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Remember ladies, picking the right man is the most important decision you’ll ever make.

Choose wisely.

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Enough already.

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There’s only so much squirrel a cat can take.

Our resident red bitch was mad dashing around the property gathering and hiding food before the recent snow storm… and Lord Dudley Mountcatten was keeping a close eye on her progress.

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For some reason she decided under the grill was a perfect place to stash nuts. Every now and then she would run right up to the door and drive poor Dudley to distraction. The frustrated cat was cackling so hard he was shaking.

In other news, did you know squirrels are the latest trend in hair accessories?

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I can’t say I’ve ever wanted a rodent holding my ponytail in place….

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But if you have?

Now’s the time.

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Let’s play.

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Admit it, you’ve got nothing else to do.

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As a voracious reader, this is an easy one for me…

Books!

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In our house there are numerous stacks (and bags and crates and shelves and closets and boxes, well you get the idea) filled with books and I have never… not once in my life, ever thought I had enough.

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So how about you?

What can’t you stop buying…

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I’ve been Game of Throne’d.

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** Warning – if you haven’t seen the new season of Dexter but are planning to watch ?

DO NOT READ THIS POST!!

Major spoilers ahead…. and trust me, it will ruin the experience.

Here, I’ll give you time to exit before it’s too late.

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Alrighty then.

Proceed at your own risk.

While I’m not a huge television person like my husband ( How many times can a man watch Rio Bravo, El Dorado, and The Sons of Katie Elder! ) I do enjoy following a number of HBO, Starz and Showtime series. The DVR is simply the greatest invention known to man (behind the margarita and bacon of course) and while the husband is in the living room falling asleep to yet another John Wayne marathon, I curl up in bed to binge watch the Roys (Succession) Bobby Axelrod (Billions) and the lovable serial killer avenging angel, Dexter.

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When I watch a series, I commit. I’m in for the long haul and am beyond pissed when I put in a year or two only to have the show yanked out from under me with no resolution. Yes American Gods, I’m talking to you. Dropping a series on a cliffhanger is cruel, and I may have to write to Neil Gaiman personally to complain. (Do not get me started on Carnivale! That was cancelled in 2003 and I’m still not over it.)

So when I heard the news that a new season of a past favorite was brewing?

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I was in!

I watched an episode a week and reveled in being reunited with an old friend.

And then it happened. The last episode.

I knew it was coming, as soon as the coach gave Harrison the team jacket. I didn’t want to believe they’d do it, but they did.

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They killed Dexter.

And this time he is well and truly dead.

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But it wasn’t just his death that bothered me. No, it was the last minute 180 degree character shift that really ticked me off. For 8 seasons we knew Dexter as the tormented soul who killed with a purpose. Okay… he did it gleefully, but he took out the trash and rid the earth of some truly horrible human beings. He had a code damn it! But at the end, standing in front of his equally damaged son… we suddenly find out he did it just for fun?

No.

It’s like Daenerys Targareyen all over again. For ten years I lived and breathed Game of Thrones. Carefully following the Mother of Dragons rightful ascension to the throne… only to be left gasping at the ridiculous final season when up was down and down was up.

There’s talk of another new season of Dexter.

Without Dexter.

I say no thanks. Loyal fans can only take so much.

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No one puts Baby in a corner, but how about husbands…?

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On the coldest day of the season so far, with wind chills below zero, my dryer stopped working. Since hanging clothes outside was not an option…

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It was time to examine the faulty equipment.

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This involved my poor husband trying to clamber over the washing machine in our tiny laundry room in order to unplug the dryer.

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The small space was originally a half bath and trust me… there’s not much room to maneuver.

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Thankfully it was an easy fix and just a matter of cleaning a lint clogged vent.

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But moving the appliances and hooking them back up was a nightmare.

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To heck with Baby, I put my husband in a corner.

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And I’m sorry, but watching him try to extricate himself and climb back out had me laughing so hard I could hardly take the picture. But I’m a dedicated blogger so here you go….

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My bad. But it was hilarious…

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Pandemic humor.

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Because I’m still trying to laugh.

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Ain’t that the truth! I’ve cooked and baked more in the past two years than I have in the last 20. Which sadly, my hips and thighs can attest to.

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I need one of those.

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This is funny, but not. Our neighbor is a nurse and has been past the point of burnout for a solid year.

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I really hope not, but you can’t argue with the logic.

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