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50 for 50.

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I used to be healthy. Annoyingly so.

I was the child who never caught chicken pox, measles or mumps.

The teenager who never had acne, a cavity or broken bones.

The young adult who still had her tonsils, appendix and wisdom teeth.

The middle aged woman who’d never had the flu, a migraine or been in the hospital.

I made it to 49 without diabetes, high cholesterol or literally any health issues whatsoever.

Then I turned 50… and the downward spiral began.

I blew out my knee, and arthritis set in. I caught chicken pox because my husband had shingles. (It’s not fun at an advanced age. Neither is it pretty.)

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That’s not acne, it’s pox. 🥴

Bunions started to form on both my feet making pretty shoes painful and virtually impossible to wear. I had a full hysterectomy which wrecked my body in too many ways to list. My fifties were not kind. And now that I’ve entered the next decade? I barely recognize the perky, energetic, up for anything person I used to be.

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I’m currently 5 for 10 on this list.

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I sailed past #1, 2 and 3 as I always have my phone, don’t bruise easily and my memory is still intact.

4. Yes, damn it. I’m there.

5. I’ve got cheater reading glasses in every room, my purse, my car and 3 in the kitchen. No trouble finding a pair for this chick.

6. Show up at my house unexpectedly? Please leave your copy of Vogue at the door.

7. 9:30? I’m in bed by then, better make it 8:00.

8. People do still say those words in my universe… and for that, I’m thankful.

9. I’ve woken up with a stiff neck, sciatic pain and a knee so locked I have to tumble out of bed. When the mere act of sleeping causes injury? You know you’re over the hill.

10. After hormonal shifts from menopause and a dramatic weight gain the likes of which I’d never previously experienced? There are no scales in our house.

For those of my readers who qualify, how many of these 10 apply to your life?

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53 thoughts on “50 for 50.”

      7. Yeah, my sister having her’s removed at 3 tells me that docs were jumping to surgery as a first solution.

        I don’t recall the popsicles but my parents often told the story of coming to visit and seeing me asleep with a ton of blood coming from my mouth. On inspection, it turned out to be the red candy coating from Chicklette’s gum. Yay for not bleeding but who the heck thought it was appropriate to give little squares of gum to a post-sugery y years old?

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  2. 1. Daily. Sometimes semi-daily.
    2. Sometimes.
    3. I refuse to let computers “memorize” my passwords for me, precisely to avoid this situation, so even though I always complain that my memory stinks, I’m pretty good with passwords.
    4. I was determined to be my eye doctor’s medical miracle, and for what it’s worth, I did hold off needing reading glasses (by holding books far from my face) longer than anyone else in my family, but eventually, my arms just stopped being long enough.
    5. Like you, glasses in every room.
    6. Except in high school, I’ve never been fashionable.
    7. More like 8:30pm
    8. I’m a teacher. I make damn sure they say please and thank you.
    9. Yes, and to add insult to injury, I often don’t sleep well. Case in point: I woke up at 1:30 this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep for 2.5 hours!
    10. I’m still fighting the scale, and I work out 5-6 days/week!

    That was a fun rant! As they say, misery loves company.

    So glad I got chickenpox as a kid. I know someone else like you who got it as an adult and he has permanent scars from it. And on top of a sunburn (or is that just a deep tan?)! Ouch!

    As my 88-year-old mom says, “Ageing. It’s not for sissies.”

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    1. I fooled myself into thinking I would slide into my senior years with ease… free from all the typical complaints. Then bam! I slammed into a wall and everything went wrong all at once. WTH?
      Thankfully my chicken pox didn’t scar, but I was really sick. My doctor was so surprised to see an adult case he used me as a teaching tool and paraded all the interns through the exam room for a peek at the oddity. Did wonders for my self esteem. Not!
      And that was a tan, aided by warm lighting in the bathroom.
      😉

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  3. 1, 2, 4, 7 and 8! So sorry about the chicken pox! I had it as a kid. Can’t imagine having it now. Make sure you and hubby get the shingles vaccine as soon as you’re able. My mom had gotten shingles and she was on meds for the lingering nerve pain for more than a year. She really suffered. She was adamant I get vaccinated and I did. So far, so good!

    Deb

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      2. I constantly say it’s like someone came along and flipped a huge switch to OFF. Sex & sexuality were the core of my identity. POOF… gone. Almost 62, I’ve largely lost my interest in alcohol, and my hair is falling out. I’m invisible in society and without booze and being able to stand around, I no longer able to do things to counter that. Fortunately, I’ve settled in to isolation.

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  7. I got a piece of mail the other day that seemed interesting but the fine print was a size 2 font, I’m not kidding. And I said no way in optometry I’m going to go to the trouble to figure out what that says. Fine print is one thing. Microscopic is quite another.

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  8. It’s 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 for me because I get annoyed if someone calls me after 8pm. I’m in bed by 8:45. I’ve woken up sore and not knowing why, and that in itself is annoying. People now a days are rude, don’t have manners whatsoever. But I can come back with an rude attitude if I’m given rude attitude to begin with. The other day some lady at the gas station got mad because I was filling up and went inside to grab a coffee. She said I shouldn’t take so long pumping gas because other people need to use the gas pump. I ignored her because with this menopausal bullshit I’m going through, I have a hair trigger temper. She then yelled at me if I had heard her, I said I had but choose not to listen to stupid people. She then called me a bitch, and I turned, laughed and yelled “Yeah moron, and DON’T YOU EVER FORGET IT!” Got in my car and drove away. I’ve been in the hospital once in my life, for my hysterectomy at the age of 44, but that was it. I still have my tonsils and last summer had the shingles, but because I had the first shingles shot I didn’t get a blister breakout, just the burning, tingling sensation. At 54, I’m going through some physical BS although I don’t have bunions, bad knees but weight gain an fatigue plague me every single day.

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      1. You’re almost right. Menopause can, and often does, bring great suffering to men. Believe me, if anyone ever figures out to make it stop, that person will be as heroic a figure among men as well as women. My heart goes out to you all.

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      3. Oh, yeah…1, 4, 5 all apply.
        I look out for new cuts and scrapes because my skin is like paper and my blood is like water. I’m always working on my memory but Cathy put all the passwords on a google drive doc so I’m cool with that.
        I like to look cool all the time—snort— and I like to get dressed up for a hot date every so often.
        I have a friend who lives in Calgary, and my BFF stays up all hours of the night like I do, so 9:30 is no big deal.
        When it comes to please and thank you I lead by example and others follow by choice. That’s the only way it’s ever going to work.
        I’ve slept in some of the most inhospitable environments imaginable, night after night, and still walked away. I get my aches and pains the old fashioned way: Doing dumb shit while I’m awake.
        Yes it can.

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  9. I was younger at 70 than I was at 40 (back injury at 40, rode across North America just short of 70) – so there’s still hope. #6 I’ve said all my life, so after 50 has nothing to do with it. #7 most of my life – I was up at 4:30 for work in my teen years and seldom had a job where I wasn’t at work by 7.

    If the current injuries don’t heal it’s a different story.

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  11. Oh, the sound effects! My knees make a terrible racket. I got the shingles vaccine before you normally do–my younger sister got shingles in her forties and it was horrific. I was like, “Oh, hell no, I’ll pay for that out of pocket if I need to.”

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  13. I jumped all over the chicken pox vaccine as an adult because I’d never gotten it when I was younger.

    I’m also a solid 5 on that list, but unlike you, #1 definitely applies. I “lose” my phone multiple times a week and have to call it to find it.

    That probably warrants a blog post, actually…

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