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Sadness.

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This is the last picture taken of my husband and his sister.

She had asked him to bring her one of his Marine Corps hats so she could wear it in honor of his service. He happily obliged.

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My sister in law passed a few weeks ago and it’s just now I can bring myself to blog about it. For those of you who read regularly, you know it was a blessing… and sadly what she wanted.

But that doesn’t mean it was easy.

We received the call from her daughter Monday at noon and rushed over to the nursing home to be with her. Though you know it’s inevitable, losing your mother is hard… and slowly watching her die? Just about unbearable.

It was a bedside death watch with everything that implies. Five family members and a close friend, sitting… and waiting. Watching her painfully gasp for breath, float in and out of consciousness and be given enough morphine to drop a horse. You could tell even the nurses were surprised how long she hung on.

Tears? I cried rivers and couldn’t stop. But not just for her…. it was watching her daughter trying to let go that really broke my heart. When it finally happened, 11 hours later, her daughter simply crumpled to the floor. Broken, exhausted, and physically spent.

We did everything we could to help then… emotionally and financially. Which is why the next day found us at the funeral home making arrangements for cremation.

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Death is big business, never forget that. I’ve learned painful … not to mention expensive… lessons about what is necessary and what is superfluous charging for things you don’t know you don’t need.

We chose the same place that cared for my mother, my husband’s mother and his brother. A small, honest, family run business… which are getting harder to find these days. We made the arrangements, we paid, we picked up her remains and brought them to her daughter a week later.

A small celebration of life is being planned at her daughter’s house for Labor Day weekend and we’ll try to help with that as well.

My SIL’s struggle is over.

Her daughter’s struggle… trying to understand why her mother could never find joy in life… is ongoing.

❤️

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39 thoughts on “Sadness.”

    1. My mother did that with me as well.
      And for that reason, there were times when we all stepped outside. The nurses kept asking if she was waiting for someone , but we couldn’t think who.

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  3. ❤️‍🩹🖤 for the daughter i can totally rekate yo her reaction 💙 for everyone else didn’t you tell me your SIL was younger than your husband too.

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  4. I’m sorry for the pain your family is experiencing. I hear the relief in the fact her physical suffering is over. I appreciate your words and wisdom. I have been praying for her and your family since I began reading about her through you. This last picture gave me tears. It’s so precious. She left this Earth with so many who loved her surrounding her. I’ll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers as these days and months after reveal so much to resolve.

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  12. There are times when someone summons all their strength to support the ones they love, and reach out with hands of compassion to bring them comfort. In these times it can seem like your strength and compassion are not good enough. They are, they’re everything. Chin up.

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  14. My heart hurts for all of you, especially her daughter. It’s hard to understand how some of our family generally behaves, but she might be having an even harder time. If she would accept therapy, that might be the best thing for her in the long run.

    I remember my father taking out a loan for my brother’s elaborate casket and funeral. It was insane and so unnecessary. (They know you’re under stress/upset and take advantage!) I was only 21 at the time, so I didn’t have a clue until much later when I did it for my Mom. We found a Mom and Pop crematory, and they weren’t trying to sell us anything. My Mom’s burial place was just perfect, I don’t think you read my blog back then; I’ll try to find a link. It’s what I want for my final spot.

    https://www.trappist.net/abbey-trades/conservation-burial-ground
    It was a beautiful green burial, her ashes were placed in a compostable box and marked very simply with a flat stone and her name.

    Anyhoo, not to make this about me or my family. I’m really sorry for your loss; I hope your husband has come to terms with his Sister. XO

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    1. How lovely. I like the idea of a green burial myself..
      My husband is saddened by the loss but is a very pragmatic man. He knows his sister made her life choices just as he makes his. He choices to remember the good things.
      ❤️

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