Tag Archives: family

Christmas in July?

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Some years, if we’re not traveling… we spend Christmas Day with friends. They tend to have less emotional baggage than family, and are generally a lot more fun. Of course last year, Covid ruined everything about the holidays and we neither traveled nor made merry with friends. Boo to global pandemics! They’re such a buzz kill.

Our friends, being fun loving (as well as gift greedy) have decided to celebrate 2020’s lost holiday in July. (It will be a barbecue/pool party at our friend’s newly purchased house/horse farm/how the Hell is a 50 something single woman going to take care of this huge spread by herself.)

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We’ve been invited and encouraged to get into the Christmas in July spirit…. so naturally I will be wearing this:

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Because nothing says Ho! Ho! Ho! like Santa in a mankini.

I will also be bringing this:

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A Covid themed piñata, so we can all take our frustrations over the past year out on something other than our spouses.

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Yes. To all of that. And I won’t be filling it with candy, no. In honor of the shit show that was 2020 I will fill it with these:

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What are those you ask? Only the perfect gift to give your friends in case certain items become hard to find again.

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Portable toilet paper! Am I a genius or what?

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And to further get into the Christmas spirit? I’ve purchased this 2020 totally went down the drain themed tree.

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I did not however purchase the accompanying ornaments.

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Tree turd danglers?

No.

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Definitely, no.

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When your brother gets on your last nerve.

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Two baby woodchucks showed up for apples yesterday. ( we put them out for the deer but these little guys are beating them to it )

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The chuck on the right seemed to be annoying his brother with his close proximity.

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Before long they were squabbling.

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And a sibling scuffle ensued.

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Left woodchuck held his ground, as well as his apple.

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And right woodchuck was forced to step aside.

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Family.

What are ya gonna do?

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Because sometimes I have a juvenile sense of humor.

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I’m sorry, but these are a hoot and I simply have to share.

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Yeah, you know it’s going to be good.

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Told you!

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Well yes, that’s just good manners.

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A footlong doesn’t require a blessing… it requires an exorcism.

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Family. It’s so important.

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When an eggplant just won’t do.

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Admit it, you’re snorting with laughter too.

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If you don’t have any plans today….

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Perhaps you’d like to hug a water buffalo.

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It’s free, and you have to admit the toddlers sure are cute.

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Of course inviting you to hug a calf and then directing you to the store to purchase a rump roast of his family is a bit rude….

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I hope no one tells this sweet little fellow Uncle Otto didn’t really go to Boca on vacation.

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*Gulp*

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Cultural differences.

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I read an article the other day that made me chuckle.

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The list was long, but here are a few highlights.

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Yikes. I am in no way, shape or form a penny pincher…. ( the jury is still out on arse ) but I always box up my uneaten goodies. This has nothing to do with being cheap and everything to do with not wanting to cook dinner the next day. Of course we’re talking about English food here, so it really isn’t a surprise no one wants to bring that home.

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Okay, I’m doomed. We spent 18 years in the south.. and smothered with sausage gravy is my very favorite way to eat biscuits.

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Fanny means vagina? I had an aunt named Fanny. (crazy, but true) Then again, she was a nasty old biddy who should have embraced her latent homosexuality instead of living alone and miserable all of her bitter loveless life… so, okay.

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Side note… Googling ‘Aunt Fanny’ makes me realize I am woefully out of touch.

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It’s beginning to look like I won’t be able to cross England off my bucket list. I drink fresh brewed unsweetened iced tea every day, winter, spring, summer and fall. Why do Brits have such an aversion to ice?

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Oh good grief. I’ve always used spunky as an adjective. Looks like I’m going to have to rethink that…

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Uh oh.

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I love my town.

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In the continuing series Small Town Life Be Different…. here are the latest missives from mine.

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This was so sweet. Our local UPS man… who distributes doggie treats on his route… is in the hospital with pneumonia, so all his four legged customers posted pictures.

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Because traffic alerts in the country are less about speeding and more about manure.

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Every year the women of the Historical Society sew a quilt with local scenes to be auctioned off.

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The Town Office bought the first one where it still hangs proudly.

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Yes, I showed this to the husband. And no, he hasn’t removed his absolutely no chickens ban.

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Yikes. Critters that crawl under your house and die are the worst. But I can’t say I’ve ever known one to stink of garlic. And speaking of stinking…

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Word to the wise… if you think it’s your year? It most definitely is. 🤢

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As he predicted, this man’s post got a whole lotta hate. He’s new to the area… and I’m guessing he isn’t going to be very popular. Buying a house in a rural part of Maine means generations of the previous owners might still be inhabiting your back 40. A man up the road from us has a cemetery from the late 1700’s on his land. He doesn’t know the family or their descendants, but lovingly cares for the plot all the same. It’s called respect.

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Dudley update.

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It took almost 3 weeks, but our new boy is settling in nicely and less skittish every day.

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Loud noises like the snow plow still send him under the bed … and the jury is still out on exterior wonders. He spied wild turkeys in the backyard the other day and growled from under the couch for 5 minutes straight.

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But he’s learning to trust us and coming out of his shell. Toys help, and I’ve retrieved that fuzzy ball from under the furniture enough times to require another visit to the orthopedist.

I think it’s safe to say I’m in love.

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Even my girlfriend recognized how much having a little guy around the house again means and sent a congratulations card.

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Dudley loves his squeaky mouse, but not when we wave the stick…. so I rigged up a do it yourself playground.

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I’m sure he’s grateful, though he doesn’t look it.

It should be noted that while I love dogs and all their slobbering appreciation? There’s something about the utter disdain cats show their humans which speaks to me.

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Miscellaneous minutiae.

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Required picture of new family member Lord Dudley Mountcatten.

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And yes, I have to report that Ball Wash is back.

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And speaking of hanging, the other day the husband and I were out in the barn and I wanted to play an album. This is not as easy as you might think…. considering the husband put the stereo as close to the ceiling as humanly possible.

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Vinyl could get interesting after a few toddies. Stay tuned.

And finally, birds. In winter. In Maine.

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I’m guessing it kind of sucks.

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We’re gaining.

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Two full days in and we managed to get the new kitty out from under the china hutch.

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Granted it was just to under the coffee table, but that’s progress.

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I don’t think he was thrilled to have a close up portrait taken, but I’ve got news for him. You can’t be camera shy and live in this house. Momma’s got a blog to write.

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At the end of the third day he made it out into the open.

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And he really is a love bug once he feels comfortable.

I think it’s going to be a good fit, he just needs a little time.

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Welcome to the family… I think.

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Meet our new family member.

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The cat my husband swore we wouldn’t have any more of after our last one passed because he wanted to be free to travel.

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This handsome fellow has been wandering our neighborhood (in the cold Maine winter!) for weeks. A woman down the road took him in, but her dogs kept attacking.

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Our farming neighbors across the street took him in, but they have 4 cats, 2 dogs and 3 kids in a 1,000 square foot house…. so they begged us to shelter him.

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The husband said yes, temporarily while we tried to find his owners.

He’s clean, healthy, flea and ear mite free… and a genuine love bug. Someone clearly cared for this kitty. But after posting on numerous lost pet sites, numerous local Facebook pages and asking everyone I know? It looks like he’s ours.

And the husband who said no way, no more pets?

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Yeah.

He’s been charmed.

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And to think it only took three days.

Such is the power of cats.

💕

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