Have you ever done this?

 

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I know better, and yet…..

Stomach rumbling, I sashay up and down the aisles tossing  HoHo’s and Ring Dings in my shopping cart at will.

(If they called them Cellulite Starters and Butt Wideners I wouldn’t, so you see…. it’s really not my fault.)

I buy salad tossers I’ll never toss, fizzy fruited drinks I’ll never drink and worst of all…. more deli meat and cheese than a school cafeteria will use in a month.

Oh, the pressure of the deli counter!

You take a number, wait in line, peruse the 307 varieties of flavored sliced turkey breast and when it’s finally your turn? You can’t just order a 1/4 lb of roast beef and call it good…. can you?

(Well I can’t. Which is why you should all come to my house for lunch tomorrow. BYOB. Bring your own bread…. because I never seem to buy the correct corresponding amount.)

And the paper products!

Why can’t I ever remember if I need them? I always buy too many which results in episodes like this:

 

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Note to self –

Never leave the closet door ajar when you’ve purchased too much Charmin.

 

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To say he enjoyed it would be an understatement.

 

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The beast was positively orgasmic.

And none too eager to relinquish his prize as I cleaned up around him.

 

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Moral of the story?

Buying too much at the grocery store can not only be wasteful and expensive….

But bloody as well.

23 thoughts on “Have you ever done this?”

  1. The deli counter has always been my nemesis to responsible shopping on a good day, but to walk in there hungry is to beard the glutton lion in his own den. My grocery will let you taste anything in the case.
    Pickled? Yeah, I’ll try that!
    Cheese? … put a rind on it and I’ll pay whatever you ask.
    Sneeze cart olives? Big container please, and some feta to sprinkle on it.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Next time you’re there on an empty stomach, open up the first box of Ring Dings and eat a few.

    Satiated? Good.

    Now head for the paper aisle to stock up on Charmin b/c you should make your cat as slap happy as the Ring Dings made you!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Yes, I’ve done this many times 🙂 would totally agree it’s never your fault. Really, really clever people are paid to tempt us with package design, branding and ingredients. It’s their job, they’re good at it. Rest easy and delight the cat with charmin 😉

    Like

  4. Okay,
    1) I just found you via Angel Who Swears and I had to check out your blog because you brought up Sea Monkeys from the 1970’s. This is what happens when you summon up “Sea Monkeys.” Actually you said something about seahorse things from the 1970’s. But I knew what you were talking about!
    2) You should see the scratches on my arm right now. Not from trying to take paper away from the cat — no, no — even I know better than to do that! Still, we have a brand new dog and he and the cat are still working things out! It doesn’t pay to be the ref. 😦
    3) Funny you should mention Hostess products. I just bought a box of Ding Dongs the other day. First, the box looked like it was only half full. What’s up with that?! Secondly, the Ding Dong was a miniaturized version of the last Hostess Ding Dong I ever had (okay, no sex jokes here!) Has it really been that long since I enjoyed one? Okay. Again, no sex jokes here.
    Anyway, it’s nice to meet you. I don’t even know your name yet, but I loved this post and look forward to reading more!
    Also, sorry to hear about Huffington — who is now immortalized on your post. So I guess you now have a Huffington Post. I know. Sorry. That’s how my mind works. It can’t be helped.
    M.L. James aka Mona (from Wayward Sparkles)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. 1) Sea Monkeys! You’re right…. awful little things but damned memorable.
      2) Never, ever try to dislodge a cat from…. well, anything. My doctor can attest to that.
      3) Ding Dongs, along with almost everything else worth having, have gotten smaller over the years. Including Shrunken Dunkin (donuts) What’s up with that?
      4) Nice to meet you as well. Huffington would approve.
      *River*

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You are obviously my people. I soooo have this problem when I shop hungry. I mean, who can turn down all that cheese? Cheese is life. I, too, have a feline who enjoys the finer paper products in life. They’re assholes, but you gotta love ’em! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hah! He’s a good boy, you just don’t know how to play with the tp correctly. He surely thinks you’re doing it wrong!
    My husband is a paper product bulk buyer. Is like… Well, we live in a bungalow, so it’s like, HERE IS THE ROOM WHERE WE STORE TOILET PAPER, and also a toilet, sink, and tub. 😉

    Like

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