Tag Archives: groceries

Grocery store giggles.

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In what universe are these an acceptable substitute for Lays?

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Give me potatoes or give me death.

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Exactly!

And have you wandered down the bottled water aisle lately?

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One puts you to sleep, the other wakes you up.

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I bet this one makes you crave junk food, and I’m not talking about the beet variety.

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But is it?

Is it really….

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CSA and grocery store horrors.

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Another veggie bonanza.

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Tomatoes, beets, leek, basil, carrots, parsley, squash, radish, chickory, spinach, Korean melon and yes… the dreaded kale.

It’s lovely having fresh organic veggies right out of the ground and buying less at the grocery store’s produce section.

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Tastes like an artichoke. Then why not buy an artichoke? I’m so tired of wannabe food.

Be what you are…. and be happy!

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No.

Burgers are not made from plants! Not in my world anyway. But did you notice the oh so cleverly named Incogmeato only has 32% less fat than the real thing? Where’s the other 68% come from… lard coated arugula?

I’ll pass.

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Right Rice made from vegetables is wrong.

So wrong in fact, check out the bottom left corner of the package. It’s made from chickpeas, peas and.. rice.

Rice made from rice.

What a novel idea.

And then, because I live and shop in Maine? This was also available for purchase:

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A map of mooses.

(Meese?)

Big goofy looking things with horns, often seen in the company of a squirrel.

You can’t miss them.

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CSA and grocery store chuckles.

 

The summer bounty continues.

 

 

And if you’ve never tried fresh lemon basil?

Please do. It’s wonderful.

 

 

Vegan bratwurst?  Oh, the horror!

Kindly keep your kale out of my artery clogging sausage. If this shows up at the next beer festival I attend….. there will be blood in the streets.

 

 

My only question here is… why?

And for something on the opposite end of the spectrum…..

 

 

Which also makes me ask… why?

 

 

Heritage popcorn?

Proof positive yuppies will buy anything that’s ridiculously overpriced.

 

 

Is it any surprise this was the only bottle left? I think not.

And finally, the real shock of the day.

 

 

Toilet paper is back… and brand names at that!

So if you heard them broadcast a code for ‘crazy lady doing happy dance on aisle 13’?

Pay no attention, the unadulterated joy of not wiping my butt with sandpaper just got away from me for a moment.

CSA, grocery store oddities and…. pie.

 

Our neighbor’s farm is still churning out a bounty.

 

 

 

This week it was fresh basil, beets, parsley, Boston lettuce, giant scallions, heirloom zucchini and a large radish.

But oh, what a beautiful radish it was…

 

 

Who knew they could be so gorgeous!

This week at my local grocery store…

 

 

Seriously, are we back to hoarding paper towels now?

WTF.

It’s enough to make me want to grab a pitchfork and storm someone’s pantry. The world is not ending Karen… you don’t need 72 rolls of Bounty.

On another note, this –

 

 

Parmesan style what?

And why in hell would anyone buy fake cheese.

 

 

For all we know that stuff is grated styrofoam.

Sprinkle it on your spaghetti or cushion that garden gnome you’re mailing to Aunt Edna.. it’s nothing if not versatile.

And finally…. pie.

But not the fruit or cream variety.

 

 

Shepherd’s Pie, one of my husband’s favorite comfort foods.

 

 

Made with ground lamb thank you very much. If it’s beef, it’s Cottage Pie.

It shouldn’t surprise you to know the husband ate every drop of these two dishes. I’ll cook it, but rarely eat it. Too bland by far.

Grocery store funnies.

 

Lately there’s always something photo worthy at the grocery store.

Since the viral apocalypse, I’ve been seeing weird things on the shelves. Every day items have been replaced with generic and no name brands.

And when it comes to no name brands?

You can’t get any more nameless than this toilet paper.

 

 

Not wasting money on advertising slogans here. No sir.

Another weird sight?

 

 

A line of products approved by a skinny earth friendly butcher.

Beefy flavored stroganoff?

I’ll pass.

Chickenless Buffalo chicken?

Nope. It’s all yours.

But at least the pad Thai had authentic rice noodles. Because there’s nothing worse than wannabe rice.

And okay, I get it…. vegans have to eat. But it always makes me chuckle the lengths they’ll go to to approximate the taste of meat. If they don’t want to eat animal flesh, fine. They can stuff themselves with kale. Heck, I’ll gladly give them my share.

But enough with the winking plant protein butcher.

He’s not fooling anyone.

Because they’re odd.

 

I love odd, in case you haven’t been paying attention.

And on my normal route to the grocery store?

I pass this:

 

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A bit personal as questions go, but delightfully odd.

And as my grocery store has been running low on sugar lately…

This:

 

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Golden?

I’m fervently hoping they’re not talking about showers…. but anything that’s less processed usually gets my vote.

And adding to the growing list of  FFS, the panic buyers are still at it  substitute products I have to buy now?

This:

 

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I must confess, I’m a trifle afraid of the Cousin Willie brand.

The more I stare, the more that ear of corn on the top right starts to look menacing… but I’ll be brave and soldier on.

At least it’s not as terrifying as this red pepper.

 

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I agree.

Chocolate is always the safer bet.

 

 

Covid humor.

 

Because wouldn’t you rather laugh?

 

 

There.

That puts things in perspective.

 

 

Yes.

For quite a bit longer by the looks of things.

 

 

Don’t you just hate when that happens?

 

 

Hell, in Maine…. it already does.

 

 

Good rule.

 

 

Most definitely.

Grocery stores have become the new I-95. Wrong way dumb asses, rubberneckers, and the road police who do 25 miles under the posted speed limit.

Move aside people….

River needs double fudge brownie mix. And tequila.

 

 

A fitting finale.

WTF indeed.

It’s a simple concept.

 

Trips to the grocery store are so much more interesting these days.

And by interesting, I mean annoying A.F.

Take for example… the ample directional signage.

 

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Since I am a fully functioning literate adult, I read this and my brain processes the instruction quite quickly.

For those unlucky souls who don’t possess my lightning quick reasoning? There was also this helpful accompaniment.

 

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Pretty straight forward, right?

Then why…. on every single aisle I traversed…. did I have to dodge customers coming straight at me? Many without the facial covering the store… and now this particular town…. requires.

Regardless whether you’re on board with the whole mask, social distancing, 6 feet apart regime…. it’s this grocery store’s policy and they’re doing it to try and keep you safe. You don’t have to shop there, but if you do? Please pay attention… and study those pesky one syllable directions.

I’d hate to inadvertently (on purpose) stick my foot out as you pass by.

 

 

Come on people….

 

Get a grip.

I made a trek to the grocery store today where I was met with the same empty ‘oh my God the sky is falling and we’ll never be able to buy dish soap again’ shelves.

Yes, dish soap.

 

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Good grief, are we still doing this?

By all means wear a mask to protect others.

 

 

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Preferably color coordinated to your shirt.

But enough with the ‘we must fill the underground bunker with every canned good in a 600 mile radius’ mentality.

The news squawks about meat shortages…. but the cases were full of every conceivable type of flesh imaginable.

But rice?

 

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Unless you want red quinoa brown…. which I didn’t, and never will ….. no can do.

 

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Tolerant chick pea and green lentil pasta?

No, damn it! I have no tolerance for that.

 

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Toilet paper? Nope.

Not unless you’re supposed to use those strategically placed plastic loofahs.

Look… there’s one shaped like an ice cream cone!

That has possibilities.

 

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The lack of eggs was definitely a new development.

When I spoke with the cashier she assured me that they do get regular deliveries and stock the shelves as they always have. No one has an explanation for the continued panic buying after all this time.

It really is getting old, as well as ridiculous.

 

 

 

New is not always improved.

 

You never know what the grocery store will be out of these days.

I haven’t seen flour for weeks, unless it’s made from something ghastly. At this point, dehydrated tofu/arugula flour wouldn’t surprise me.

Along with the lack of everyday items comes the strange substitutions.

Some, I can live with.

 

 

Peach and almond dish soap? Sure.

Legume pastas? Not so much.

 

 

Colorful? Yes.

Tasty? I doubt it.

 

 

Yes, these horrors are still on the shelf.

Though that shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone.

I couldn’t find my regular orange juice last trip and had to home with this.

 

 

And all I can say is the fruit might have ripened on the tree…. but the flavor leeched out on the way to the bottle. A less fruity fruit juice you’re not apt to find.

Then there was this, that the husband simply had to buy when the peanut butter shelf was empty.

 

 

Roasted watermelon seed butter.

WTF?

 

 

”  ‘In with the new’  kinda day” ?

This abomination looks like beige spackling paste and smells half as appetizing. Needless to say the other half had one sandwich and called it good.

Did I mention it was $17 a jar?

A new scent of soap made its way to the shelves and being a mango lover, I had high hopes.

 

 

Sadly there was a lot more butter than mango in this product and unless you have a sudden urge to smell like a hot bucket of movie theater popcorn? I’d steer clear.

And finally, there were Pete and Gerry’s eggs.

 

 

What happened to Ben….

Good God, is my Cherry Garcia in peril?

 

 

Gerry… go back to Ben.

Substitutions are not always acceptable.