Ding dong, the diet is dead.


Okay, so I wasn’t really on a diet.

(That’s a four letter word in our house…. and one I try to refrain from using. It’s vulgar and quite upsetting.)

But I was trying to watch what I ate lately so as not to frighten any holiday party goers I haven’t seen all year. Nothing like an abominable snowman waddling into your Christmas soiree to put the evening off kilter.






The culprit?


(…and let me preface it by saying I had never eaten a Ding Dong before in my life.)

(Stop snickering. You know what I mean.)





But I skipped lunch and went grocery shopping hungry last week….



(Shut up Justin, I know that now.)

And grabbed the first high calorie, sugary sweet, instant gratification I could find.





I had one on the way home.

And one after dinner that night.

And yes, one for breakfast the next morning. Don’t judge.

At first I wanted to rail at all my friends for never telling me of it’s high fructose chemically enhanced goodness.

I was in a sugar induced haze.



Where had it been all my life?

But then, when I’d finished half the box and could hardly walk past the cabinet without salivating,  (I swear I heard them calling me by name)

I realized –

I was hooked by white crack!

I saw my future.  A 350lb addict walking the streets with a 3 a day habit, shaking from sugar withdrawal and Jonesing for a fix.  Accosting perfect strangers, begging for a taste. It wasn’t pretty.

So I heaved them in the trash then and there. And took the trash out to the garage before I changed my mind.

Heed my warning friends… don’t be tempted.

Run… don’t walk, past the White Fudge Ding Dongs on your grocer’s shelf.



Don’t be taken in by their siren song, wear ear plugs if you must.

Ignore my advice at your peril.

There’s only room for one abominable at every party, and it’s going to be me.



21 thoughts on “Ding dong, the diet is dead.”

  1. It’s that weird ass artificial creme. Weird mouth feel, funny smell, peculiar taste.. but you just have to have a second, and a third. Bizarre. I don’t like them at all but if ‘im indoors brings home a pack of something plastic in a moment of weakness I will eat them too against all my better judgement.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. White Fudge Ding Dongs? I have never seen those before. Thanks for the warning!

    And good for you tossing them in the trash. I hate to throw away food, but un-food is un-cool and therefore OK to throw away.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. There’s also room for one smarty-pants at every party, and that’s me (because I recognize the football-running guy as Harold Lloyd in a scene from the 1925 silent film THE FRESHMAN…and, no, I wasn’t around at the time (even though I may look like it).

    Liked by 1 person

  4. G’girl. I went through a serious Hostess cupcake phase when I was nursing. It had no effect on my figure, but there comes a time when anyone can see there is a PROBLEM so I stopped buying them — but let’s be clear, I think about them sometimes.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. And the sugar industry knows…

    Half as sweet as coke
    Half as bitter as crack
    And if you get hooked baby
    It’s all the industry’s fault –
    So try not to do it!

    ***too much of anything, is bad…
    Yeah, I should even take my OWN advice.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I lost 30 pounds last year after being diagnosed as diabetic. My A1C dropped to 5.1 and they were going to take me off the medication. Then it was a hard, hard winter and I stopped walking. Then Mom died. Then the forest fires were so bad it was unhealthy to be outside. So, all the weight came back and by sugar is through the roof. So I am exercising again and the weight is coming off very slowly and very hard and it has done shit for my sugar. I’m about to say screw it and go on a Hostess Cupcake binge too.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s