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Ode to a Cheeto.

23 Comments

 

You can’t improve upon perfection, so why do they try?

Witness the Cheeto.

The guilty pleasure snack everyone loves, but no one will admit to eating. With the texture of fine styrofoam and that glorious radioactive neon orange dust… how can you resist?

 

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And yes, I confess.

I have been known to squirrel away my bag in the back of the coat closet so no one else can eat them.

 

 

So why?

Why would my girlfriend offer this pale excuse of a substitute and think I would approve?

 

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Yes, she’s the same one who put kale chips with the french onion dip at her party.

And we all know how I feel about kale.  So what’s up with Kale… and why does everyone want me to eat it?

But… Cheetos, made out of beans?

 

 

That’s just wrong.

(And trust me… beans are not better. These things tasted like crunchy industrial sewage.)

Leave me and my Cheetos alone!

And bury my dust covered corpse accordingly.

 

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23 thoughts on “Ode to a Cheeto.”

  2. I first thought this was going to be some kind of commentary about our president. Unfortunately, cheetos were also on my potato chip ban list as I was trying to make healthier food choices. And right now they’re all I can think about.

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  4. I like both! I especially love them when they get a bit stale so I purposely leave a bag open all day before I eat them. I think this stems from morningafterthenightbefore-itis. The art of eating leftover chips from a party when hungover! Semi stale cheetos are pure comfort food!

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  5. I tend toward 3-4 ingredient snacks:

    Potato Chips ~ potatoes, oil, salt
    Tortilla Chips ~ corn, oil, salt
    Fritos ~ corn, oil, salt
    Popcorn ~ corn, oil, salt (and turmeric)

    I’ve tried some of the Beanitos products without feeling compelled to add them to my regular shopping list.

    And, yes, on occasion, I will eat Cheetos. Crunchy, please!

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  8. I do not (ever so rarely) eat the fake orange things, because they are loaded with the colors that do not agree with me. HOWEVER, I wholly respect your preference for the real deal and not a substitute. In the unusual event that I actually WANT a fake orange thing, you can bet it’s a Cheeto. Mmhm. That crunch is like no other. And I’m gonna get that junk food, I don’t want some healthy version of it.

    PS: My mother bakes good-for-you cookies. I have residual childhood trauma from thinking I’m about to consume a delicious cookie loaded with fat and sugar as cookies should be and instead having some molasses carob thing. Please not the molasses carob thing is tasty, but it is not a cookie. Cookie=treat.

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