Tag Archives: headlines

News you can’t use.

January 6, 2025 Rivergirl 33 Comments

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You can’t use it, but I can’t stop sharing it.

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I have no words.

😳

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I’m not sure that’s going to help with the Russian invasion, but okay.

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Proof that people will do anything to avoid buying a pizza oven.

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Months of undisturbed sleep and dramatic weight loss upon waking? I’m ready for a transfusion.

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And with 8 arms think how quickly they’ll be able to build.

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Whaaaat?

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Filets are the only steak my husband will eat and they are not inexpensive when dining out. I’d rather not pay for glue…

😡

News you can’t use.

December 30, 2024 Rivergirl 37 Comments

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Because I’ll never run out of useless.

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I’d say that’s a fair trade, but then I’m not a man.

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You can’t make this stuff up.

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A Kodak moment for sure.

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Is there a bad way?

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Because they were big?

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Petrified vomit and poo.

Paleontology is such a glamorous profession.

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Fingers crossed he’s the first to go.

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News you can’t use.

December 23, 2024 Rivergirl 43 Comments

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Because even having Covid can’t stop my nonsense news.

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Inspiration?

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Epic oops.

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Talk about multi tasking.

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Finally… a use for artificial intelligence I can get behind.

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I know why.

Australia has wombats.

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Just when I thought our species couldn’t get any stupider.

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I don’t even want to tattoo my skin…. needles in my eyes?

Hell no.

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The latest trend in ocean fashion.

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News you can’t use.

December 16, 2024 Rivergirl 25 Comments

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Because we all need a break from political news.

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And it’s a sad state of affairs when even gate lice are preferable.

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These are the kind of problems I want.

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I think the more important question is why did no one notice he was dead for four days? But it was Wells Fargo, so enough said.

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I think you just did.

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That is too disturbing to contemplate.

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Not having children, I was unaware this is a common ailment during pregnancy. Wonder if it’s accompanied by rumbles of thunder…

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Not the kind of meet cute story you want to tell your grandchildren.

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News you can’t use.

December 9, 2024 Rivergirl 31 Comments

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Like news you can use, but worse.

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I’m afraid to ask which organ is electric.

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That doctor can bite me.

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Not dying at 45 is isn’t a valid reason to be happy about menopause. It’s not even close.

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Wow. Talk about unnecessary surgery.

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Admit it, you all have that one child you wish you could give back and try again.

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I don’t know what that is.

And I don’t want to know either…

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Animals are evolving into crabs? I missed this headline and will be keeping a closer eye on our cat from now on.

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Freaky?

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For a Kardashian, it’s just another Monday. .

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News you can’t use.

December 2, 2024 Rivergirl 26 Comments

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Useless is how I roll.

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It’s a public service I provide here.

You’re welcome.

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I love stupid criminals.

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Their kids, or in my case… their wives.

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Are turtles a sought after black market commodity in Canada?

How strange.

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Mother in laws.

They don’t even try to be subtle.

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Okay people, sh*t just got real.

😫

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News you can’t use.

November 25, 2024 Rivergirl 22 Comments

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Useless.

Trust me.

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Was there a bra war?

How in the world did I miss that….

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Because nothing screams fun more than knowing the day you’ll drop dead.

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FYI…

A ghost poop is a turd that sinks to the bottom of the toilet and disappears. Heavy is healthy.

You’re welcome.

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Geesh.

Like the original size isn’t frustrating enough?

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I’m going to think out of the box here … and say because she was eaten by a shark.

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30 story sewage must be quite a sight.

When viewed from a long distance that is.

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News you can’t use.

November 18, 2024 Rivergirl 27 Comments

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I live for this level of ridiculousness.

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Politicians have been doing it for decades, I don’t see why amphibians can’t.

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Casio can suck it.

Lord Dudley concurs.

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And I thought the giant baby we elected was bad…

Yikes.

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I would not.

They’re way too cute.

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Well, there goes my plan to survive the next four years.

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And people think I’m nuts for putting a harness on our cat.

Geesh.

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News you can’t use.

November 11, 2024 Rivergirl 25 Comments

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Useless, but hopefully amusing.

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Can I just say…

Ewww.

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He tasted butter from the Bronze Age?

I won’t even eat a leftover from my fridge after the first day.

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I dare them to try that with Lord Dudley Mountcatten.

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Mozart might have been a genius when it came to composing, but otherwise he sounds like a right royal ass.

https://www.historyextra.com/period/general-history/why-was-mozart-obsessed-with-poo/

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Nope.

Sorry, I don’t want to know.

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I can’t even…

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News you can’t use.

November 4, 2024 Rivergirl 15 Comments

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Because I’m nothing if not helpful.

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I do love a small appliance with multiple uses…

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130 years old with two girlfriends?

Props Henry. You da man.

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This could be my future.

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Proof that you can take it with you.

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As long as it is a nice wedge of dairy.

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Don’t judge. Fish may be *ssholes 200 meters down.

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Thanks, but I’d rather not.

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Where there's only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.