Because if you don’t laugh, you’ll scream.
That’s the very definition of symmetry.
I can relate to this.
My bags are lonely… as well as heartbroken.
I’m not a religious person, but first plague…. now insects.
It’s mildly convincing, but I’m still holding out for water into wine.
A protest I can get behind.
Well that’s depressing.
Because the answer to “what’s new?” has never been more boring.
In the time of Corona Virus.
Why is it that 3 weeks on vacation flies like the wind, but 3 weeks staying home feels like 6 months?
I know I shouldn’t complain. We’re blessed my husband can work from home and keep a steady paycheck. But Lord…. what I wouldn’t give for Direct TV to gasp it’s last breath.
My husband is a news hound. Which is mildly annoying any other time… but now?
It feeds the hypochondria he inherited from his mother and his sometimes slightly paranoid nature.
No, I don’t want to hear the new death toll number.
And no, I definitely don’t want to see another Presidential news conference which are anything but.
In other news, our stores are still out of toilet paper. And people are posting sightings like it’s Bigfoot…. or something hovering over Roswell, New Mexico.
“There’s a dozen packages of Cottonelle on Aisle 6, Hannaford in Westbrook.”
“A new shipment of Charmin on Aisle 10, Shaws in Rockland?”
It really is ridiculous.
And makes you wonder what we’re going to do if this trend continues.
Maybe only people in Maine can actually use this news.
The guy reporting it helpfully put his foot in the frame for size comparison.
I beg to differ.
Time for an update on the stories making the news on my town’s Facebook page.
Traffic jams are awful, no two ways about it…..
But in my town?
They’re not always bumper to bumper.
And then there was this:
No, damn it! I did not.
We’ve lived here over 17 years and the only moose I’ve seen was a dead one on I-95.
Trotting right down Main Street?
Another missed opportunity.
And finally, there was this:
My first thought was the zombie fish apocalypse had begun… and I started to get a little nervous.
But it turns out a bald eagle was fishing the river, dropped his sturgeon while flying and decided to munch on it in situ.
Because the thought of zombie fish taking over my blog?
I had to laugh yesterday when I checked my stat page and saw that something called The Cape Cod Daily News was listed as a referrer.
Since we just got back from a trip to the Cape, (and yes, we tend to be talkers and meet a lot of people) I was wondering which one had found me.
Not to mention how.
Because while I am a girl, it may surprise you to learn that my real name is not actually River.
Shocking, I know.
And it’s not like I start conversations with strange people by saying, “You really should check out my blog at WordPress. There’s plenty of woodchuck drivel for everyone.”
So I perused the Cape Cod Daily News site and found this:
I had tagged Cape Cod, so they included my post.
Now I can only imagine the reaction of the poor native Cape Codders who clicked on it and found me channeling Khaled. That couldn’t have been pleasant.
And while I won’t tag Cape Cod this time… because let’s face it, I’m basically making fun of what they consider news…. the coastal cities residents are going to rue the day when Cape Cod Daily puts that action to work when I start my latest vacation series photo blitz.
There’s bound to be rocks.
Won’t they be thrilled?
I have an iPhone.
( If you don’t watch Game of Thrones? Never mind)
And with the iPhone comes Apple news, which I check from time to time for breaking stories.
And may I just say…. what’s passing for news these days is beyond ridiculous.
Roll over Edward R. Murrow, it’s a Kardashian filled world now.
And they want everyone to see their butts.
This picture was in my news feed.
Why? I have no idea.
But it made me realize…
I’ve been doing Sundays wrong for years.