Tag Archives: news

News you can’t use.

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Because the world is a ridiculous place.

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This does not surprise me in the least.

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Men have been obsessed with their one eyed trouser snake since the dawn of time, and now we have proof.

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Why this particular fellow thought his penis would be an appropriate weapon against a charging leopard…. I’m sure I don’t know.

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I can just hear the hippo now… “needs salt”.

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And in case you’re in the mood to let the girls run free?

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Get thee to Cape Cod and jump on a ferry.

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Nantucket winters can be a bit brisk, so be careful you don’t take anyone’s eye out with a quick turn.

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Now there’s something you don’t see everyday.

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News you can’t use… and some that doesn’t bear thinking about.

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Get ready for a bit of ick factor in the headlines this week.

You’ve been warned.

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I don’t care if it cuts the water bill out completely, I’m not doing it.

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Oh, holy hell. There’s a topic I never gave a second, no less first, thought.

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Jet propelled poop?

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Excuse me while I go throw up.

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It’s statements like these that make me realize how marvelously out of touch I am.

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Well isn’t that just peachy.

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Watch out gentlemen. You may like the fact she makes more money than you, but that luxury comes with a price.

🤣

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News you can’t use.

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Another year, another collection of ridiculous headlines.

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Now that’s rude.

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On second thought, that bypasses rude and is rapidly approaching psychotic.

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Because you were dying to know.

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Is it me, or is a grown man referring to his member as a pee pee a bit odd?

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That is a man who seriously loves his wife.

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Thanks for sharing Jenna.

Not.

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Groaning… from the bad pun and the over the top eyelashes.

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News you can’t use.

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Think of me as the anti Walter Cronkite.

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And I thought I had trouble finding shoes because of a bunion. Damn!

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Nothing says down to earth Royal like a couple of hens.

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Proof positive there is such a thing as too much tech.

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Do I need to feel like I’m competitive skiing while voiding my bowels? No. I do not…

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Sorry night owls, you’ll have to get up with us early birds if you want to top our Trivial Pursuit scores.

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News you can’t use.

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Because you know I’ll never run out of these.

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Don’t worry, I’m sure there will be other opportunities in the future. And if they auction off his old toothbrush you could always harvest a little DNA, grow a clone and start a billion dollar company in your own garage.

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#1?

The peanut butter cookie… to which I have but one word.

Blech!

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Foot Botox. Why can’t rich people just take a piece of sandpaper to their heels like the rest of us.

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I most definitely do not.

Nope. Not in the least.

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That’s a hat?

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I know there’s a lot of down time while on stakeout or speed trap duty…. but that seems a bit extreme.

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News you can’t use.

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You can’t use it, but you can laugh… and that’s always better.

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That’s what I call payback.

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You heard it here first Mark.

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I don’t care if you liked Barack or not, you can’t beat that for cool.

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Yes, there really are sneakers for horses now.

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It’s hard to argue with that logic.

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Proof positive there is such a thing as too much tech.

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News you can’t use.

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Someday someone will be able to use one of these, and then I’ll have to stop posting them.

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That’s not something you hear every day.

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Great. Yet another global climate change catastrophe. Screw with this planet at your peril people….

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I’m sorry, but this is not news. Or new for that matter.

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I’d say everyone has to have a hobby, but WTH?

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News you can’t use.

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And if you can use it, I promise I won’t judge.

Much.

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Turns out 7 year old boys were right. No good can come from bathing.

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Eating roadkill? If you’re starving, sure. But I draw the line at smoking poo.

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Hmm. Sounds like that was some pretty potent shit he was smoking.

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That is just… wrong.

🤢

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If she was serving candy corn grilled cheese, it serves her right.

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Damn, Martha. At least make him take you out for a nice dinner first….

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News you can’t use.

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News. It’s a subjective term these days, and that’s sad.

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I’m not going to comment on this one, because honestly… I just don’t want to.

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Well, if it can remove car battery corrosion …. stones shouldn’t be a problem.

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And we humans dutifully comply . Ookie Pookie must be kept happy… or there will be consequences.

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Of course she did. She’s 10.

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I don’t know. And I don’t care to find out… but gee, your mother must be so proud.

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This last news alert is from my town. And I don’t know about you, but I prefer it to vaginal squirting contests.

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