.

Useless but (hopefully) entertaining. That’s my blog in a nutshell.

.

.

Say what?

.

.

I don’t call being two inches tall and looking exactly like a mouse normal for a human child, but what do I know?

.

.

Mine is clearly an extra…. for when my front two wear out from excessive rolling.

.

.

Leave it to a no nonsense Mainer. Angus King wants Medicare to pay for $12 bath mats for seniors so they won’t slip in the shower and break a hip. A simple and cheap solution, so naturally the government won’t go for it.

.

.

I know nothing about the history of the pubic wig. And I plan on keeping it that way.

.

.

I do believe I’ve found my spirit animal.

Cheers!

.

.

Because the news we can use is too depressing these days.

.

.

The bad news?

Your coworkers hit a sale on cocktail sauce.

.

.

I think the “don’t pee here!” visual for husbands is a good reason, but apparently it’s a guide for kids to make sure they clean the toilet properly.

.

.

Just for you Mark.

.

.

I think you know I won’t be partaking.

.

.

Blech!

🤢

.

.

They say it’s encroaching on people’s space, blocking views, and being noisy.

I say it’s overweight old men wearing tiny Speedos.

😳

.

.

I guess it stands to reason. That was a lot of barbecued Brontosaurus.

.

.

I watched The Last of Us. Massive fungal blooms munching their way across the planet makes me shudder.

.

.

Useless is a state of mind.

.

.

Please don’t tell my husband. We have enough useless junk around here as it is.

.

.

Whaaaaat?

.

.

Nope. Uh uh.

That’s a number I do not need to know.

.

.

Because no one… or thing… can resist an epic selfie background.

.

.

Oh goodie. Maybe I don’t really have a damaged knee.

.

.

And speaking of AI….

.

.

So humans think AI is evil.

AI trains by reading human text saying it’s evil.

And AI becomes evil.

That’s a self fulfilling prophecy if ever I saw one.

😳

.

.

Always useless, sometimes chuckle worthy.

.

.

Best. Name. For a space potato.

Ever.

.

.

I may be old school but I still use mine. No notifications, no algorithms picking your playlist.

Look at me, I’m trendy.

.

.

Is everyone talking about this?

I was blissfully unaware.

.

.

Tiny butts rule.

What else is new?

.

.

I don’t know about dinosaur tombstones, but lots of organized crime members are currently decomposing under and around the Meadowlands.

😉

.

.

Were the beans unhappy and organizing a coup?

And if so, why wasn’t I told.

.

.

And maybe one you can.

.

.

Zombie cells?

Does this mean we’re going to get a sudden craving for brains…

.

.

I admit I couldn’t think of any practical reasons for a living room butter dish. And after reading what they’re referencing?

(Hiding the remote control)

I still can’t.

.

.

And you thought archeology wasn’t a glamorous profession .

.

.

Seems a little extreme to me.

.

.

Dirt.

I bet it still tastes better than McDonalds.

.

.

It’s August 5.

.

https://youtu.be/PxZg4SfIURg?si=jJwq-O0M63oFKlbD

.

And I love Ted Lasso so this was news I could use.

.

.

You can’t use it, but it’s Monday… so here we are.

.

.

I’m sorry, is there a global sperm shortage of which I’m unaware?

.

.

That’s a lot of Swedish meatballs.

.

.

I won’t list them, but here are a few highlights…

Yes, It Can Actually Break.

What goes in must come out.

You’re welcome.

.

.

Good grief. As if fake news and fake boobs aren’t artificial enough these days, now I have to wonder if my grocery store sourdough is real.

(True sourdough should only have three ingredients…. flour, water, and salt. Check the ingredients)

.

.

I don’t know about your gut,, but if you’re substituting a cactus for toilet paper? Your tuchus isn’t going to be very pleased.

.

.

A bit odd, but it can’t be any worse than what our gutless Congress will be pushing.

.

.

Our President teamed up with a member of the adult industry a while back as well, though with slightly different results.

😈

.

.

Still here, still useless.

.

.

Trying to escape the Mar-A-Lago Moron no doubt.

.

.

She pops pimples for a living. A stroke seems preferable…

.

.

Just in case you were wondering.

.

.

Denmark and Orlando seems a bizarrely random research combination .

.

.

I couldn’t stand the original… which btw, was called Little Sh*thouse on the Clam Flats in Maine… why would I want to see the new one?

.

.

The Last of Us.

If that doesn’t convince you, nothing will.

.

.

A slightly disturbing way to declutter your closet.

.

.

🤣

.

.

Because it’s Monday and I never run out of foolishness.

.

.

I don’t know about you, but octopus sex is something I rarely contemplate.

.

.

Worry not dear readers, that is a map I will happily omit from my other blog series.

.

.

Hard pass.

.

.

I love dinosaurs, but teal T Rex leather?

No.

.

.

Because if you can afford to own a home on the Nantucket coast? You can afford to let it slip away.

.

.

While America is stripping rights from its humans.

It’s a crazy world.

.

.

There are no Red Lobster restaurants in Maine, because… well, it’s Maine. We know what real lobster tastes like.

.

.

Proof that if you work hard enough….dreams do come true.

😊

.

.

Because the useful news is too depressing these days.

.

.

Like my mother used to say…

It’s always the last place you look.

.

.

Not my idea of a stylish pendant, or pin for that matter.

.

.

Sounds like the perfect vacation spot to me.

💕

.

.

Love it.

Going old school to deter cheating.

.

.

Now, that… would be impressive.

As well as terrifying.

.

.

If the average male height in America is 5’9… and you multiply that by a barnacle equivalent of 8? You get an almost 46 foot long human member.

See?

Terrifying.

.

.

In ancient Fiji, it was crustacean shells. Can you imagine what kind of leftover food islands we’re building now?

🤢

.

.

If it’s on my daily breakfast banana? That bowl of oatmeal just got a lot more interesting…

🤣

.

.

This first story isn’t useful, but it definitely made me chortle.

.

.

Yes, you read that correctly.

.

.

I don’t know how I managed to miss Sirocco’s escapades the first time around, but rest assured I won’t allow that to happen again.

I dare you not to laugh.

.

https://youtu.be/9T1vfsHYiKY?si=l5G8m1i7x9FHZBaR

.

.

Science.

It’s a beautiful thing.

🤣

.

.

Not soap. Not shampoo.

Not remote controls or coffee makers.

It’s towels. And apparently people are swiping them at alarming rates.

.

.

It is a stupid song .

With stupid, annoying, nonsensical ear worm lyrics.

It’s Horse With No Name by America.

Long live the ban.

.

.

To what…

Please don’t pee on us?

.

.

Don’t bother, there are plenty of brainless donors in Washington DC right now.

Let the harvest begin.

😉

.