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It’s that time again…

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Or not at all glamorous.

Eeww.

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If I was a billionaire?

I would totally buy a dinosaur skeleton and have cocktails under my T Rex.

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If I know I’m dead?

I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

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Wombats poop cubes.

Enough said.

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No good can come from hackable vacuums.

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I’ve never wanted a robotic vacuum.

And now I really don’t want one.

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I feel you bird.

Human noise is stressing me as well.

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It’s Monday.

Buckle up…

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That’s not at all terrifying.

Nope.

😳

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Good grief.

Does everything have to be political?

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So basically it’s like every other major corporation.

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Proving even robots know when to say when.

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I can honestly say this is the first time I’ve felt embarrassed for a robot.

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So that’s where it went.

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Thank you, but I’ll think I’ll stick with the stupid version.

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Because it’s Monday and we all feel useless.

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And as far as I’m concerned… Florida can keep them.

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Dandelion condoms?

Who looked at that pesky weed and thought, gee … that looks like great birth control.

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Proof positive rough Saturday nights have been around for a verrrrry long time.

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I’m guessing other things will be boosted. Be sure to stay upwind…

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That’s one tough bird.

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Not my idea of paradise, but to each their own.

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All the news that’s not fit to print, right here. Just for you.

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They say it’s for safety in case of a crash, but these days I’m thinking it’s to stop them from punching annoying passengers. Lord knows I’ve wanted to a few times.

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If you’re a hermit crab it’s so other crabs don’t steal your home. If you’re human?

No comment.

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This does not bode well.

At all.

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No good can come from this.

😳

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As in cutting a hole in the back of them and… well, yeah.

🥴

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If anyone could push quantum physics to its limit?

It’s a cat.

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,

I call foul.

If you’ve ever been on top of the snow covered slopes? You’re going to remember to wear pants. Trust me on this.

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Answering the age old question, what do Olympians do when not competing?

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Useless, but rarely boring.

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Good thing no one told Prince.

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I don’t see why not.

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Chlorosis, or the “disease of virgins” (also known as “green sickness”), was a historical, primarily 16th to early 20th-century diagnosis for adolescent girls characterized by paleness, faintness, amenorrhea (suppressed menstruation), and poor appetite. Often attributed to a lack of sexual activity or “retained blood,” it was viewed as a social and medical condition that could supposedly be cured by marriage. 

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Oh, they weren’t kidding.

🥴

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I’m guessing the goat didn’t win that argument.

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And I didn’t even know prosthetic nipples were a thing.

The world is a strange place.

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For Pete’s sake, hurry up.

Our President is in dire need.

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Ah, the life of a wildlife photographer.

So glamorous.

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Clearly there weren’t enough diseases or climate change disasters to study.

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I’m still here, and the news is still useless.

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To cat owners, this is not news.

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I can’t say I’ve ever burped my house, but I’m willing to try.

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If aliens are flying Doritos shaped ships? Surely they can’t be all bad…

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More like a nightmare I’d say.

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I would think a zombie tree would be able to resurrect itself. Geesh, what a slacker.

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People are absolute idiots.

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She’s blonde. Clearly she thought there were lamp posts in the middle of the ocean lighting the way…

🥴

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Starting the week off uselessly.

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Right.

Because that’s what every man looks for in a sex toy… meaningful conversation.

🤣

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Okay, you got a great deal on the room. But how much will the rental car cost…

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The only thing I would learn at this point is that I can’t get back up off the floor.

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And you thought your air guitar was cool.

Pfft.

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Considering I can’t comprehend quantum entanglement, that’s not a stretch.

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Useless, but isn’t everything these days?

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I simply don’t understand this.

I know people love their sushi, but damn.

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Sorry Chicago, I’m crossing you off our bucket list.

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Oh sure.

Nothing will go wrong there.

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Now that’s what I call tv worth watching.

Not.

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If you want the full list you can look up the article, but here’s one that had my eyes rolling.

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I can’t decide whether this is stupid beyond measure, or wonderfully bizarre.

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🤣

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You can’t use it, but read it anyway.

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Damn!

Now I really feel old.

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Yes. Someone stole a huge batch of cooked and picked lobster meat that was headed for Costco.

Talk about your giant lobster roll!

🦞

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Worst. Denial. Ever!

The poor beast, look how embarrassed he is.

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And yes, my husband does every single one of them. Cold calling, long texts, butt dialing, and accidental flashlight.

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As far as I’m concerned, this attack is completely justifiable.

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The first useless news of the new year!

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And I thought my bunions made shoe shopping difficult.

Damn.

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Spiritual funghi.

Who knew?

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I, Robot.

We’re almost there.

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I’m guessing through a haze of marijuana smoke, but I could be wrong.

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It may be a new year, but my useless news is right on track.

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What?

You didn’t think I’d include the list…

🤣

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Ouch!

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