.

Seriously.

No one can.

.

.

Good grief.

Most men don’t know what to do with one.

😈

.

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I think I’m more concerned with how they get out.

😳

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And they’re just telling me now?

Damn. That would have been tv worth watching.

.

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Honey badger don’t play.

.

.

You have to appreciate that level of commitment.

.

.

I’m sure it was wonderful… but I’m guessing a tad over priced.

.

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You can’t use it, but read it anyway.

.

.

Now there’s an odd couple I wouldn’t have put together.

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I knew that robin in our backyard looked too happy the other day…

.

.

What?

.

.

Have you priced a decent bra these days? If it can’t hold my girls for more than a year… I’m not buying it.

.

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I don’t see why not.

My husband had one as a pet when he was a teenager. They’re delightful.

.

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I think we all know the answer to that.

Not unless there’s fresh tuna involved.

.

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Nope.

I don’t need to know anything more about testicles than I already do.

.

.

Not today.

Not ever.

.

.

If I looked like that? I think death would be preferable.

.

.

Because someone is peeing in it.

I recently read an article that said 62% of people urinate in the shower. I don’t, never have and never will… but that’s a high percentage. Clearly someone is.

.

.

See?

I told you.

.

.

Worst.

Vacation.

Ever.

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Why does everything in Australia want to kill you?

.

.

Bad enough the Aussies have the most deadly snakes and spiders, but now the trees are out to get you.

Damn.

.

.

That you’re an idiot.

But wait, there’s more.

.

.

Proof that mom’s advice to keep your hands out of your pants wasn’t always spot on.

.

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Get yours today!

.

.

Which is more than I really need to know.

.

.

The very definition of useless, right here.

.

.

Bet you didn’t think you’d be reading about that when you woke up this morning.

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.

Damn. I’ve had dates that were hard to get rid of, but this guy takes the cake.

.

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I’ve felt that way ever since Trump was elected.

.

.

To which I say…

It’s about time.

.

.

Have you ever heard of/tried Bubs?

.

.

Never fear, I just ordered a 4 pack and will report back after arrival.

.

.

There’s a mental image I didn’t need.

.

.

While I don’t usually post politically charged content, this seemed like a potent statement on our current climate.

🤣

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.

Useless but (hopefully) entertaining. That’s my blog in a nutshell.

.

.

Say what?

.

.

I don’t call being two inches tall and looking exactly like a mouse normal for a human child, but what do I know?

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.

Mine is clearly an extra…. for when my front two wear out from excessive rolling.

.

.

Leave it to a no nonsense Mainer. Angus King wants Medicare to pay for $12 bath mats for seniors so they won’t slip in the shower and break a hip. A simple and cheap solution, so naturally the government won’t go for it.

.

.

I know nothing about the history of the pubic wig. And I plan on keeping it that way.

.

.

I do believe I’ve found my spirit animal.

Cheers!

.

.

Because the news we can use is too depressing these days.

.

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The bad news?

Your coworkers hit a sale on cocktail sauce.

.

.

I think the “don’t pee here!” visual for husbands is a good reason, but apparently it’s a guide for kids to make sure they clean the toilet properly.

.

.

Just for you Mark.

.

.

I think you know I won’t be partaking.

.

.

Blech!

🤢

.

.

They say it’s encroaching on people’s space, blocking views, and being noisy.

I say it’s overweight old men wearing tiny Speedos.

😳

.

.

I guess it stands to reason. That was a lot of barbecued Brontosaurus.

.

.

I watched The Last of Us. Massive fungal blooms munching their way across the planet makes me shudder.

.

.

Useless is a state of mind.

.

.

Please don’t tell my husband. We have enough useless junk around here as it is.

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.

Whaaaaat?

.

.

Nope. Uh uh.

That’s a number I do not need to know.

.

.

Because no one… or thing… can resist an epic selfie background.

.

.

Oh goodie. Maybe I don’t really have a damaged knee.

.

.

And speaking of AI….

.

.

So humans think AI is evil.

AI trains by reading human text saying it’s evil.

And AI becomes evil.

That’s a self fulfilling prophecy if ever I saw one.

😳

.

.

Always useless, sometimes chuckle worthy.

.

.

Best. Name. For a space potato.

Ever.

.

.

I may be old school but I still use mine. No notifications, no algorithms picking your playlist.

Look at me, I’m trendy.

.

.

Is everyone talking about this?

I was blissfully unaware.

.

.

Tiny butts rule.

What else is new?

.

.

I don’t know about dinosaur tombstones, but lots of organized crime members are currently decomposing under and around the Meadowlands.

😉

.

.

Were the beans unhappy and organizing a coup?

And if so, why wasn’t I told.

.

.

And maybe one you can.

.

.

Zombie cells?

Does this mean we’re going to get a sudden craving for brains…

.

.

I admit I couldn’t think of any practical reasons for a living room butter dish. And after reading what they’re referencing?

(Hiding the remote control)

I still can’t.

.

.

And you thought archeology wasn’t a glamorous profession .

.

.

Seems a little extreme to me.

.

.

Dirt.

I bet it still tastes better than McDonalds.

.

.

It’s August 5.

.

https://youtu.be/PxZg4SfIURg?si=jJwq-O0M63oFKlbD

.

And I love Ted Lasso so this was news I could use.

.

.

You can’t use it, but it’s Monday… so here we are.

.

.

I’m sorry, is there a global sperm shortage of which I’m unaware?

.

.

That’s a lot of Swedish meatballs.

.

.

I won’t list them, but here are a few highlights…

Yes, It Can Actually Break.

What goes in must come out.

You’re welcome.

.

.

Good grief. As if fake news and fake boobs aren’t artificial enough these days, now I have to wonder if my grocery store sourdough is real.

(True sourdough should only have three ingredients…. flour, water, and salt. Check the ingredients)

.

.

I don’t know about your gut,, but if you’re substituting a cactus for toilet paper? Your tuchus isn’t going to be very pleased.

.

.

A bit odd, but it can’t be any worse than what our gutless Congress will be pushing.

.

.

Our President teamed up with a member of the adult industry a while back as well, though with slightly different results.

😈

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