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Gravity, thou art a fickle bitch.

32 Comments

 

For women, it’s an inescapable fact.

We age… and things start to head south.

 

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One day you wake up and the girls aren’t as perky as they used to be.

And before you know it?

You’re searching the jeans section for the ones that include butt lifters.

Spanx……

Minimizers….

 

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Over the shoulder boulder holders….

 

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The entire foundation undergarment industry is built on defying female gravity.

And because I’m over 40? (Okay, way over… now shut up)

I’ve got plenty that’s starting the downward descent…

So when I was cruising Bed Bath and Beyond the other day and saw this?

It really ticked me off.

 

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WTF!

Now I have to start worrying that my earrings are going to sag?

It’s enough to make me turn in my woman card.

 

Women-know-they-just-know

 

 

 

 

 

 

32 thoughts on “Gravity, thou art a fickle bitch.”

  2. Beauty Blogger Heather was the first one I heard mention the earring things and I was like, “Whoa!” I bet she’ll have a lot to say about the blog post.

    Girl, I live for Spanx. I have them in every style – long ones, short ones, stockings, crotchless, with the crotch – I live for them. No shame in my game. It smoothes everything out and I’m fine with that. I’ll show those pesky cellulite. 😂

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  3. Don’t knock ‘em ‘til you try ‘em – earring lifters are the bomb!! They make all my heavier earrings hang properly and keep my earlobes from hurting from the weight. I, for one, couldn’t be happier with this particular invention!

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  5. Sagging earrings (lobes), what about the wrinkles we get on the chest area? I realized that this was happening to me a couple of weeks ago and I was literally WTF is happening here?!?! I had gone years without waking up with the crevices of the Grand Canyon between mah boobs, and I’m only a freaking B cup! Hello!?!?! And to add insult to injury, men still look good no matter what sags, bags or nags, no really has anyone ever noticed this or am I the only one? Ugh….

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    1. Preach. I am amply endowed in the chest area, always have been. And along with gravity comes loss of skin elasticity. The more I haul them up? The larger the canyon grows. Welcome to Oldville… grab a shawl!

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      1. Nope, I REFUSE! No shawl wearing here, I’m not even 50 yet and I refuse to accept this is it for me, lol. I’m going to fight this as long as I can, I’m already looking into chemical peels and laser resurfacing, no it’s not a long term fix but I can carry on the fight! Ha!

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  6. Far be it from the retired slayer of dragons and rescuer of distressed damsels to comment on the indignities of aging femmes.
    This once handsome bit part player who acted across from greats like Jack Nicholson and Dennis Hopper looked in the mirror, and a chubby wrinkled face with evil sqinty pig-eyes stared back.
    No amount of the skin grafters art, jars cosmetic covers or haberdashery can repair what is damaged ..
    And 14 year old girls now cheerily offer to load my grocery bags into the car …
    I commiserate …

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  8. “For women, it’s an inescapable fact.” Oh and not men??? Look at your husband and he is getting boobs that he never had and they are sagging not to mention a ‘couple’ of other things that are sagging!!

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  10. I don’t wear heavy earrings, but my friends who do have been using these doojis since before we considered gravity.
    Maybe society should decide some sagging is good.
    I had those small, perky breasts until babies. Didn’t wear or NEED a bra for most of my attire. But babies. And boobs. Like PORNO boobs. And people said I would nurse them away and they lied. Now I have big ones, but not giant ones, and there have been so many disappointing issues since, including gravity, the pond of night sweat, errant nipples, and crepe, which I don’t even like on myrtles. Sometimes I think when I finish the menopause, full stop, my itty bitties will return. I can dream. At least the gravity means they’re not hoisted up to my chin. Sometimes I don’t have exposed cleavage, even without a turtleneck. Sigh.

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    1. I think I came out of the womb wearing a C cup. I literally don’t remember a time the girls weren’t with me. Factor in age, a hysterectomy that rocketed me into menopause and the 30 lb weight gain that came with it… now we’re talking D.
      I don’t need saggy earlobes damn it!!

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