Tag Archives: women

We are definitely not mathematicians.

 

On a gloomy, overcast Sunday morning….we started putting trim board on the baby barn at 9:00am.

 

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At 10:00am we were still on the first piece.

 

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And yes, at 11:00am we were still there as well.

 

 

Frustrating?

A wee bit.

 

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Cutting angles is not our forte….. and it almost made me wish I’d paid more attention in 7th grade geometry.

 

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A lot of serious thought, planning… not to mention cursing…. was going on right there.

 

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And before you say “Use a mitre saw!”, we did. But the building is less than straight and square and when we finally did manage to get it right?

 

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It was still wrong.

 

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Thank God for flashing. It covers a multitude of sins.

 

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So this side looked good.

 

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But when we turned the corner?

Not so much.

 

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How the Hell did that happen?

There was only one solution.

 

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Sit on the big barn porch and photograph it from far away.

Yes.

Much better.

 

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More flashing, more nightmarish trim board.

And if you’re asking what I contributed to the project?

Besides acting as a general gopher…. because when the husband is up his tools are down, and when he’s down his tools are up… my contribution was this:

 

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Classic tunes on shuffle.

 

 

There he goes again, ever the optimist.

 

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Thankfully the husband used to do roofing when he was young, so yes. The shingles were perfectly level.

 

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And because he was so thrilled something was finally level?

 

 

He checked it again.

 

 

And again.

 

 

I gave up on him at 6:00pm and headed inside for dinner, but he was out there until 8:00 trying to reach the top.

 

 

He didn’t quite make it.

 

Because I know you were anxiously awaiting it’s return…..

 

It’s back.

The ongoing baby barn remodeling saga…. and for those of you just joining us? Consider yourself lucky you missed the first 300 episodes.

Winter is over in Maine, we think…. so work has begun anew.

On Saturday afternoon rotted wood was replaced.

 

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And the silly man I’m married to tried to make everything square.

 

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Look at him with his little level. Isn’t that cute?

If you remember anything from last year, you’ll know the terms level and square are completely relative when dealing with this nightmare of a building.

 

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But hope springs eternal, and maybe sometime before we’re through that damned bubble will be in the right position.

 

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The last of the Zip siding was installed…

 

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And yes, that’s my husband’s back…. as he refused to smile for my camera.

 

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I can never quite figure his modus operandi when he works on a project……. and wondered why he made his way from the outside in to meet in the middle.

 

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This doesn’t usually bode well when you’re using a tongue and groove design.

I  (oh so)  helpfully told him this, but of course he paid no attention because I’m a woman and what do I know?

 

men

 

Well, yes.

As a matter of fact he is.

 

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But when he tried to fit that last piece?

I admit it, I chortled while he cursed.

Which I enjoyed, because really… the world needs more chortling.

 

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Apparently I did chortle a little too loudly because I also got the look.

Which, after 36 years…. he should know has positively no effect.

 

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A little trimmed tar paper later and he called it day.

 

 

 

Say what?

 

I forgot I still had some of these crazy foreign words in my files.

So keep reading… they might come in handy some day.

 

Zhaghzhagh (Persian)

The chattering of teeth from the cold or from rage.

 

I don’t have much of a temper, but the next time this happens…..

At least I’ll know what to call it.

 

Cavoli Riscaldati (Italian)

The result of attempting to revive an unworkable relationship. Translates to “reheated cabbage.”

 

Oh, those Italians.

Ever the romantics….

 

Ultimate Korra Caption Contest Winner - on Komic Korra

 

Kaelling (Danish)

You know that woman who stands on her doorstep (or in line at the supermarket, or at the park, or in a restaurant) cursing at her children? The Danes know her, too.

I think we all know that woman.

 

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Bakku-shan (Japanese)

Japanese slang term which describes the experience of seeing a woman who appears pretty from behind but not from the front.

Because sometimes, you just can’t tell.

 

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I bet we all remember this last one from Laverne and Shirley…. but I never new what it meant until now.

Schlemiel and schlimazel (Yiddish)

Someone prone to bad luck. Yiddish distinguishes between the schlemiel and schlimazel, whose fates would probably be grouped under those of the klutz in other languages. The schlemiel is the traditional maladroit, who spills his coffee; the schlimazel is the one on whom it’s spilled.

 

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I have a question.

 

So if someone could tell me what this is?

That would be great.

 

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Because I was out shopping with a girlfriend a month ago and found something on the ladies clearance rack I can’t explain.

 

 

Let’s ignore the fact it’s butt ugly.

And there’s a random patch of black lace on a sweatshirt.

Let’s also ignore the clashing colors of the plastic gewgaws on the breast.

 

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What. The. Utter. F*ck?

Is there a group of low limbed mutant women roaming my state?

 

 

Or maybe they have 4 arms….. and can’t decide if they want to go sleeveless.

Either way, I can’t begin to fathom how anyone else would be able to wear this monstrosity.

 

What do you think of when I say…

 

Luxury item?

A yacht to sail the 7 seas…

 

 

That works… as long as you don’t forget your Brie En Croute is in the oven while you’re sipping champagne on the port side.

A fancy sports car?

 

 

Sure…. I can see you cruising into Goodwill in that.

How about a tropical beach house?

 

 

With hot and cold running cabana boys?

I’m in!

What you probably don’t think of when I say luxury item?

These:

 

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Although in many states, including my own….

 

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That’s exactly how they’re viewed and taxed.

As luxury items.

 

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Is your jaw hanging open?

Because mine was.

 

 

Take my word for it gentlemen…

Luxurious is not the word women use to describe that time of the month.

It’s not even close.

 

Things I like today… chapter 5.

 

I like….

Finding that just right product at T.J. Maxx.

 

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Pig collagen.

Because have you ever seen a wrinkled pig?

 

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I like…

Taking the guess work out of what to get me for my birthday.

 

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Good clean fun…. yes sirree.

 

I like…

Hummingbirds who pull up a chair and sit a while.

 

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As this one did the other day on our back deck.

 

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2,000 meals a day and sleep the whole night thru?

I totally want to be a hummingbird now.

I like….

 

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Okay, technically I don’t know if I like it yet because I just bought it.

 

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But a 100 calorie cocktail?

 

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What’s not to like?

And finally, I like….

This sign.

 

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Because who can argue with that?

 

Calling all hot flashing menopausal women….

 

(And partners of these women, male or otherwise…. if they want to earn some brownie points.)

Are hot flashes making you feel like you live on the surface of the sun?

 

 

Forget black cohosh.

 

 

 

Forget soy.

 

I tried both, and they didn’t touch my heat.

 

 

But this?

This works.

 

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A personal, portable tiny air conditioner.

 

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Soak the filter in cold water, then put it in the freezer.

 

 

Fill the reservoir with cold water…

 

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Position it on your desk, coffee table, bedside table… point the lever straight at your face –

And let her rip.

 

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I found mine at Home Depot for $39.99 and I’m happy.

 

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Not as happy as I would be stepping into a sub zero walk in freezer…

But who has room for one of those in the living room?