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You can’t use it, but read it anyway.

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Damn!

Now I really feel old.

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Yes. Someone stole a huge batch of cooked and picked lobster meat that was headed for Costco.

Talk about your giant lobster roll!

🦞

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Worst. Denial. Ever!

The poor beast, look how embarrassed he is.

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And yes, my husband does every single one of them. Cold calling, long texts, butt dialing, and accidental flashlight.

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As far as I’m concerned, this attack is completely justifiable.

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The first useless news of the new year!

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And I thought my bunions made shoe shopping difficult.

Damn.

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Spiritual funghi.

Who knew?

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I, Robot.

We’re almost there.

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I’m guessing through a haze of marijuana smoke, but I could be wrong.

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It may be a new year, but my useless news is right on track.

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What?

You didn’t think I’d include the list…

🤣

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Ouch!

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Another year, another trove of utterly useless headlines.

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I admit I’m not up to date on trending fetishes, so I had to look this one up.

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Gooning” primarily refers to a prolonged, trance-like masturbation practice involving intense edging (bringing oneself to the edge of orgasm without climaxing) for extended periods, creating a “high” or hypnotic state, often linked to online subcultures.

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Talk about delayed gratification.

Geesh.

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And you thought the loaves and fishes thing was something.

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Religion.

It never fails to surprise me.

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Whaaaat?

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Wow.

There really is one born every minute.

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Apparently not.

🤣

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This seems perfectly appropriate to me.

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“Why ‘slop’? 

“The flood of slop in 2025 included absurd videos, off-kilter advertising images, cheesy propaganda, fake news that looks pretty real, junky AI-written books, ‘workslop’ reports that waste coworkers’ time… and lots of talking cats,” according to the dictionary.

“People found it annoying, and people ate it up.”

Like it or loathe it, they argue, the digital sludge is hard to ignore.

“Slop oozes into everything,” Merriam-Webster said.”

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That sums it up nicely. Digital sludge.

Though I’m sure the talking cats disagree.

And now for my last useless snippet of the year.

I’m going to flip useless on its head and drop something that’s not only useful… but almost mandatory for the state of the world right now.

Something we can all use.

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Am I right?

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You can’t use it, but you can laugh along with me reading it.

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Whaaaat?

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I will never look at a penguin the same way again.

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But…

But, they always seemed so sweet.

😳

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Proof positive it’s always the last place you look.

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I figured it would be kale and was ready to rant, but oddly enough it turns out to be watercress. Does anyone even eat that anymore?

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I’ve never understood why people use online password managers … which can be hacked…to store their passwords. My password manager can’t be hacked as it’s a little black book with entries written by hand that I keep in my desk.

Heck, my husband doesn’t even know where it is.

That’s security.

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Perhaps.

But your perspective… or hers?

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At all.

Ever.

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I don’t think the low brain activity of a Kardashian even qualifies as news.

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I didn’t think that was possible.

Though I swear I’ve come close a few times myself.

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Can’t say I’d recommend that DIY.

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Say it isn’t so Teddy.

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Toys have certainly changed since I was a child.

😳

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I call foul.

The boxes and labels? Sure. But what’s inside the bottle… no.

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The thought of being “nudified” and spread across the internet?

Terrifying.

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Because there’s always room for a little more crazy.

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Well that can’t be good.

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I try not to post poo related headlines, but some of them simply can’t be ignored.

This particular bathroom hack? Blow bubbles while on the throne.

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You heard it here first.

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Lord Dudley Mountcatten feels the same way.

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When AI reaches the singularity, I doubt it will care.

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Sorry Texas.

You had a good run.

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The man had a micro penis.

That explains everything.

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Let’s dive into the absurd, shall we?

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Sounds like someone needs a giant Tums.

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Sure. Let’s piss off the artificial intelligence… no harm can come from that.

😳

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This headline is from Connecticut where the slogan is, “If you can’t beat ‘em, eat ‘em”.

In case you’re wondering, they’re talking about green crabs.

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Thankfully I didn’t get one, because I’m pretty sure I’m still alive.

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As one does.

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That’s a mental picture I may have trouble getting rid of.

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I wouldn’t think this requires an article, but clearly I’m wrong.

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I’m confused.

Is the appropriate response to this I’m sorry… or congratulations?

🥴

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The not so newsworthy news.

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It was only a matter of time.

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I hate when that happens.

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I’m going to go out on a limb and say don’t eat zucchini.

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Yes, they ate the liver. But did they serve it with fava beans and a good Chianti?

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Buy a banana?

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It’s literally impossible for me to care less what any of the Kardashians do. Or wear.

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The definition of useless – having no beneficial use or incapable of functioning usefully.

I think that sums up my posts quite well.

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Finally, something to do with it other than sitting.

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Clearly he wasn’t butt breathing often enough.

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A Musk robot army?

WTF!

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Oh sure. Nothing to worry about there.

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I hear you Willie. If I have to eat kale and quinoa? I’d rather drop dead right now.

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Because if I have to know these things, so do you.

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If that isn’t proof positive you should never trust the internet to diagnose your malady, I don’t know what is.

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Worst. Cave. Name.

Ever.

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Crikey, what now?

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I’ve got news for you Gen Z, this is not a new phenomenon.

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Even stars get the munchies.

Good to know.

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Remember, you heard it here first.

Whether you wanted to or not.

🥴

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