News you can’t use.

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Yes, stupid headlines are back. There are so damn many, I have to share…

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While it’s true I don’t have any children, I have often felt the need to turn a hose on one. *Note to self – inquire about teacher’s assistant positions in Kentucky *

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Oh FFS. Are we such delicate creatures that we can’t stand the full force of carbonated bubbles now? I fear for humanity, I really do.

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I’m not a sportswoman. Hell, my idea of exercise these days is bending over to scoop out the litter box… but if the breakfast of champions is beer? I may have to rethink my aversion to physical activity.

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30 thoughts on “News you can’t use.”

  1. I want to know what they are teaching children in Kentucky that causes them to be frequently “hosed off”? Kentucky, the Bluegrass State, home to the world’s classiest thoroughbred breeding operations. I guess someone has to pick up all the horse shit in the fields to keep them “classy”! But isn’t that child labour?
    It’s a Republican state. Probably child labour is legal, and the teachers collect the wages so they can own thorougnbreds! They can’t even afford to buy their employees safe working clothing!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Aw, just one school? I thought it would be State-wide. There’s a lot of horse shit in Kentucky. And almost as much, if not more, bullshit!

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      2. Sorry. Got too many other things on my mind and agenda these days. I was trying to be funny about hosing kuds off in school in Kentucky. Not even a joke, just looking at the ridiculous. Comic relief. Guess I’m not getting any of that anymore.

        Like

  2. I’ve had the urge to turn the hose on some kids I’ve seen/heard. Especially at Albertsons or Walmart when they’re pitching a fit because they aren’t getting what they want 😡. That I put a plastic bag over the parents head for allowing these spoiled brats to just have their tantrum in public. I’ve actually tasted the Nitro Cold Brew…not bad but not good either. And beer to train? Where do I sign up?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The Iron(wo)man champion probably fuels her body with beer because she thinks it’s less expensive than gas these days (though if you go by the gallon, gas is probably still cheaper — at least, for now)..

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I drink Coke, unless I’m having a moon pie. Then it’s RC cola. Pepsi has always been quite a bit flatter than Coke but apparently not enough. Let’s look at this through our beer goggles and see if there’s any additional insight to be had.
    I like Guinness. I generally won’t drink one all by itself, but floating on top of a black and tan, it’s excellent. The head is so silky you could just sit there watching the bubbles. It’s very enjoyable but that’s not all a beer is good for.
    If it’s 95 degrees and you have been dancing with your shovel out in the yard for two hours, while that Italian sub you had for lunch is making a science fair volcano in your stomach, no matter how you may love it, at this time, Guinness is not the beer for you. Unfortunate situations often call for unfortunate resolutions and, in this case, that resolution might come in a shining silver can of Coors Light.
    It’s, as I’m sure everyone who has ever had one knows well, almost completely lacking in flavor, and you’ll be sloshing like Grandma’s old wringer washing machine before you ever get started on a buzz.
    Here’s the good part: It cuts all that gummy, dusty spit out of your mouth and extinguishes the volcano in your stomach with no annoying sour aftertaste. But wait! It gets even better. Remember all that old footage of atomic bomb tests, with the trees and buildings being blown away? That’s your belch, with the toxic Italian gas cloud for a topper. Also enjoyable. Everything else is just bubbles.
    And I love Kentucky. It’s a beautiful place with lots of great people who don’t like Mitch McConnell or Rand Paul at all.
    Good post, Riv, thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So much to unpack here!
      I prefer Coke as well. Pepsi is too sweet. I remember RC from living down south but it’s not sold here.
      I like Guinness, but find it a bit rich to drink more than two. Coors Light? No. Never. Rather drink dishwater.
      I’ve never been to Kentucky, but we enjoyed Tennessee and managed to avoid politics altogether. The perfect vacation.
      😉

      Like

      1. Yeah, Coors light was a bit heavyhanded, but in the fizz department, it is pretty much the polar opposite of Guinness, which makes the most delicious beef pie. I ain’t jokin’.

        Liked by 1 person

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