The staircase in the man cave/Barn Mahal has been put into service as an impromptu bulletin board.
.
.
Photos, stickers, and funny cards have begun to surround the magnetic bottle opener.
.
.
The husband has had this one since he was 25 years old. He thought it was funny then…
Now? Not so much.
.
.
That gem was lodged inside an old book he bought at an antique store.
But back to the title of my post.
Does a moose drool?
.
.
Thanks to my blogging friend mistermuse, I can authoritatively say yes…. at least in Missoula Montana where the Big Sky Brewery produced a beer whose label was saved and thoughtfully mailed to yours truly.
It’s the perfect addition to a Maine bar… and I’m sure we will now be the envy of all our friends.
And I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t a puzzle .
.
.
This is the type of thing that makes the spatial reasoning challenged among us break into a cold sweat.
.
.
Oh! The horror.
But I wanted to surprise the husband so I dove right in….
.
.
And soon, a boozy moose appeared.
Was I disappointed in the lack of decent beer portrayed? Yes.
Busch Light and Coors Light will never pass our beer fridge’s portals.
Nope. Never. Not happening.
.
.
I’ve determined the best place to hang him is on the big barn doors that are no longer doors. The husband’s warped antique mirror will have to be relocated…
.
.
And his English pub ring toss game might be an issue.
Because while the booze moose is fun, it’s not what you would call solidly constructed. One errant ring toss could ruin him.
It started out innocently enough. We needed to replace my husband’s keg in the man cave and the store where we bought the first one was out.
.
.
So we went straight to the source, Allagash brewery in Portland… where we discovered they wouldn’t accept their keg and return our deposit because we hadn’t purchased it there. They also wanted $100 deposit on a new keg and since the brewery is an hour away, we said to hell with it and just settled down to drink.
.
.
At 11:00 in the morning. Don’t judge.
.
.
Since Covid, they’ve built a large outdoor pavilion…. and we happily sampled some drafts.
.
.
A good time was had…
.
.
As were beer cheese dip and pretzels.
.
.
This Belgian dubbel called Foliage Report was especially tasty.
.
.
As we drank, a giant black limo pulled up and discharged a group of similarly dressed young men. I’m guessing it was a brewery hopping bachelor party (Maine has the largest number of craft breweries in the country. Is it any wonder I live here?) and thought that was a great idea.
👍
On our way out we had to hit the brew store…
.
.
And purchased 2 four packs of that fabulous seasonal dubbel. 2 four packs? $24.
While I’ve been known to enjoy some oddly flavored beer …
.
.
That’s a hearty no from me. Pretzels belong in a bowl on the bar… to make you thirsty for more beer… not in the bottle you’re drinking. Blech!
For the first time in over a year, I lost a game of Scrabble to my husband. But in my defense?
.
.
Even Noah Webster would have a hard time with those letters.
.
.
We had a nice rain storm pass through recently so the husband and I took to the barn porch with adult beverages. He was interested to see if his leaky gutter repair worked ( it did ) and if his strategically placed rock ( which I told him was too small ) would protect the lawn from a rain induced pothole. ( it partially did )
.
.
And in case you’re wanting a piece of jewelry to commemorate the shit show of the last year?
Yes, I finally chose a beer to tap. Naturally it was the most expensive one out there at literally twice the price of my husband’s.
.
.
But look how much more fabulous my tap handle is.
.
.
Duchesse de Bourgogne…. a richly textured sour red Flemish ale with a chocolate top note and wild cherry undertone. Brewed in Belgium and aged in oak barrels for 18 months, it’s pure heaven!
And the husband hates it so it’s mine. All mine.
*cue the evil laugh*
.
.
Look at this handle. I mean really, it doesn’t get much better than that.
.
.
Except for the fact mine towers over the husband’s. That’s pretty sweet as well.
Well, not really… but it seemed like a better title than ‘Glass Full of Foam’.
.
.
Yes, we let the keg sit still overnight. And yes, we had the kegerator set to the proper temperature… but we were still getting full glasses of foam. The only thing left to do was adjust the CO2 flow, you know…. the thing I kept telling my husband we had to do even though he said we absolutely positively didn’t have to.
So I did what any self respecting beer drinker would do…. I sent him to the house on an errand, then made the adjustment myself.
Viola!
.
.
The perfect glass of beer. ( And yes, the placement of my “At Last” prohibition glass from the FDR museum in Hyde Park was most definitely on purpose )
Did you know fruit flies are attracted to beer taps? I didn’t either, but who can blame them.
.
.
The solution? Plug the tap when not in use. And if you want to put your womanly mark on the man cave? Do it with a pink wine bottle stopper.
.
.
That way it will match the pink bell and pink cocktail napkins already on the bar.
🤣
Next up was the shorty tap handle I ordered from Allagash.
.
.
I’ve been told I can pick something for myself for the second keg. Hmm…
My favorite amber ale? That luscious chocolate cherry sour? Or maybe a nice hard cider?
Not wanting to kill each so late in the day, we saved assembly of the kegerator until Saturday morning. Relaxing weekend my *ss. 🥴
.
.
The first step on the way to cold beer was finding a place to fill the (brand new and shiny apple red!) CO2 tank required for tapping a keg. Had I known it would not be coming back home with us, I would have taken its picture. So clean and pretty! But alas in our part of the world no one fills CO2 tanks, they just exchange them. So bye bye lovely sparkling new red tank, and hello old, scuffed, ugly metal version.
.
.
The regulator was easy to attach, and the husband managed to do it without blowing himself up … so I call that a win.
Next up was clamping the hoses to the keg couplers. They came with 4 of these ridiculous plastic things….
.
.
Only one of which worked.
.
.
Husband promptly broke the other 3 then stormed off to the local hardware store for the normal adjustable metal versions.
.
.
Tank and regulator placed on shelf? Check!
Hoses clamped onto couplers and attached to tank? Check!
All that was left was to tap the keg…. and since the husband hadn’t done that anytime in the current century?
It did not go well.
.
.
But can I get a round of applause for the perfectly timed photograph?
I’m so good…. it’s frightening.
.
.
Beer went everywhere. On the floor, on the window, on the mini fridge, everywhere but in our mouths… which is usually where you want to direct it.
And then, when the keg was finally put in position and tapped?
Yes, after ordering one in January, receiving it in February, sending it back due to damage in March, waiting for a refund until May, ordering another one in June….
.
.
In August… we finally (why the hell was that was so hard?) have a kegorator!!!
Naturally, with my husband at the helm…. delivery to the man cave did not go smoothly.
.
.
Drive much? And yes, it was my car he used to ram into the garden bed bricks. Geesh!
.
.
Numerous pieces and parts accompanied the unit.
.
.
Which barely fit in between the bar and my (heavily loaded because yes, a girl needs variety) booze laden shelves.
.
.
But there she is… in place, a dual tapper!
.
.
Of course we had to rush right out and purchase a keg of the husband’s favorite Belgian. (Heavier than it looks. Damn!)
.
.
Allagash White, from a local Maine brewery.
.
.
And then came the holy shit we might need an engineer dreaded assembly instructions.
We had an odd sun reflection in our living room last week.
.
.
Strange coincidence … or alien targeting technology?
.
.
Time will tell.
.
.
Martin, I immediately thought of you. But, blech! It’s still a giant no from where I’m sitting.
.
.
A few of my friends might get this for Christmas. You know who you are… but what makes it odd is the label. ‘Nice Stuff For Mom’. I don’t know about you, but I never tipped back half a dozen martinis with my mother.
.
.
And finally, anatomically correct beer glasses. While I can almost see the appeal of the female version…. the hourglass figure makes for a good grip… the male glass is more than a trifle disturbing.
.
Where there's only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.
River's world..... 