Rutting elk, tipsy mothers and my thighs.

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I just finished another book by Mary Roach… but instead of her usual quirky and irreverent devotion to one particular subject, this time she’s sharing a collection of quick stories covering a myriad of topics.

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Still quirky, still irreverent… and because they made me chortle?

I’m sharing.

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Being a menopausal woman of… ahem, a certain age…. I can totally relate to this. My thighs haven’t been there for me for years, the bastards.

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When my mother had too much sherry she called my father Pork. That may sound dirty, but they used to collect beautiful little pigs made from precious stones and gems so it was actually a term of endearment.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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Been there, heard those rules.

Damn those elk.

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38 thoughts on “Rutting elk, tipsy mothers and my thighs.”

  1. Okay, that’s beautiful, I must say. Love the free car coupon and customer service. My thighs are made of steel but I’m losing the fight against gravity for control of my belly. I’m not as nice looking as I once was, but I have become content with being able to look at myself in the mirror.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Ha! I get a lot of compliments on my hair, from total strangers in stores, people who walk by. The husband always laughs because I have a girlfriend with very thin hair who rolls her eyes every time it happens. Be sure to tell Joan about this one he’ll say.
        😉

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      2. I’m 73, but some people mistake me for in my 40s because of my long flowing locks. Some grey but only if I brush my hair back from my forehead, which I seldom do.
        It’s the grey chin hair that makes them wonder, but with Covid masks on in public mowadays, no one gets to see that.
        You know those Guess Your Age guys at fairs? They never come close!

        Liked by 2 people

      3. I reckon the north-northern hemisphere is great for maintaining youthful skin. In Australia, particularly Queensland, well let’s just say the sun’s not good for a car’s duco or a person’s skin.

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      4. Actually it is my indigenous blood. My native half does not go bald, and we maintain our colour longer. But facial hair is rare, so that comes from my European ancestors, which is why it turned grey. As for the skin, our climate is wet in summer and a dry cold in winter. It is harsh on skin at times, but not bad at other times.
        Queensland is a bit deserty, is it not? Very harsh on skin.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Yes, I thought about Indigeneity and how ‘caramel and coffee’ skin and hair ages much better. Grey hair’s not a bad thing. I’m a blonde and my hair was pale, but got sort of dirtier and mousier as I hit my late 40s. I’m happy to see white hairs and my “witches peak” as I quite like the look of it. Queensland coast isn’t so much deserty, the north is rainforest (Daintree) but the inland can be deserty. This is more a result of abominable rates of deforestation which enrage me. Australia as a whole is very sun-drenched and harsh on skin. We have the highest rates of skin cancer in the world, much of the damage occurring in youth. I have had 2 grafts on my nose, and bits and pieces cut out of my shoulders, decolletage, and arms. I’m 52, so that won’t be the end of it, I suspect. Fortunately not melanoma – Nature-gods forbid!

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      6. It’s been 20 years since I last tried,, we don’t go to fairs anymore so don’t even know if they still exist. But it was fun watcing them read my driver’s licence and realizing how wrong they were, embarrassing them in front of everyone.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. These are hilarious and yet, sad but true. I’m with you on the thighs, like where do they get off the motherfuckers?! Is it so bad that they should stay where they were 20 years ago? I mean where the fuck do they need to go that they are in such a hurry? Don’t even get me started on buttocks…ugh.

    Liked by 4 people

      1. Here’s a little balm for your aching souls: I don’t know why but, like all men, or so I have heard, my ears and nose are constantly growing. My nose was already pretty large when I was in high school, girls used to call me “Eagle Beak”, such sweet darlings. If this keeps up much longer, the staff at our local Indian place is going to hit the floor when I walk in, thinking Lord Ganesh has stopped by for some Palak paneer and Tandoori chicken.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. These are hilarouis excerpts. I relate to the ‘your call will be recorded for staff entertainment purposes’ . . . I auditioned for a weather person gig the weekend I graduated from college – sort of by accident. Someone sent me over to the NBC station, saying they were hiring. I was put in front of a green screen and could not figure out the backwards thing – pointing to a map backwards was not a skill I’d acquired at college. I decided later that the station probably plays my audition tape at their holiday parties.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So true. The more weight I gained the smaller my wardrobe became. Add a few bunions to limit the footwear and now I live in jeans and sneakers.
      And yes, I have a small collection of precious piggies.
      ❣️

      Like

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