Tag Archives: reading

Why it’s important to thoroughly read descriptions.

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I’m an avid reader, some might say voracious. I never feel complete until I’m knee deep in a good book and if I don’t have a stack of at least 10 ready to go? I get twitchy.

Needless to say I live on Amazon and worship their Prime 2 day delivery. (If you mention the word Kindle? You’re dead to me. Reading is, and always will be, a tactile pleasure. Period.)

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About a week ago I did the unthinkable and ran through my unread pile in record time leaving me with *gasp!* only one book unread.

So just as I logged on to cruise the new releases, the husband started hollering at me to go help him with something in the barn. Rushing, I made a few quick picks because bookless is something I can not be. Without fully reading descriptions or reviews, I picked this one about a food critic because it had 4 out of 5 stars.

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Well… technically it is about a food critic. But after sampling an exquisite torta ai fichi e limone, she has raunchy, not to mention quite descriptive, sex with her lover… kills him… and then harvests his tongue to cook and savor later.

Yes. She’s a sexually insatiable Hannibal Lecter.

*Note to self- always read descriptions and reviews*

He knows me so well.

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My Facebook page popped up with a memory that was fun to read the other day.

It was one of those silly quizzes… with a twist. Instead of answering the questions yourself, you ask the questions to your spouse/partner/significant other to see how well they know you.

If you want to see how my husband did, read on.

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1. What’s something I always say?

Im a font of useless knowledge.

He nailed that one, I say it all the time.

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2. What makes me happy?

I do.

Cheeky answer, but it’s true.

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3. What makes me sad?

Injured animals.

Very true.

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4. What’s my favorite thing to do?

Read.

He’s got me there. If I don’t have a book? I’m not a happy camper.

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5. What do I do when you’re not around?

Read.

Fair enough. I probably do.

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6. What makes you proud of me?

Everything.

Good answer. My man didn’t just fall off the turnip truck you know.

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7. What’s my favorite food?

Bread.

I might have to disagree with that, but it’s true I eat my fair share. And maybe your share… if you’re not paying attention.

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8. If I could go anywhere in the world, where would I go?

Scotland.

I’ve often spoken of my desire to see my father’s homeland, so yes.

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9. Do you think you could live without me?

No.

Smart man.

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10. How do I annoy you?

You prove me wrong too often.

And that… was my very favorite answer by far.

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So yes, after 36 years of marriage I’d say my other half knows me pretty damn well.

Can you say the same?

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Products no one needs but you know someone will buy.

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This first one is sure to be a favorite on Valentines Day.

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Because nothing says I love you like petrified beef.

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Good God, do these things still even exist?

Please, for the love of all that’s holy… no.

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For when you really want to throw down like Hamlet.

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This.

This is really what’s wrong with America. We’re too damn lazy to sit up.

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Pfft. I call foul.

Everyone knows Alfred Von Wigglebottom wouldn’t be caught dead on anything less than Danish Modern.

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I love my town.

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And I love their Facebook group page.

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A moo disorder?

More likely the poster has a Budweiser disorder.

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Okaaaay.

I’m not sure what Doug did to rate a shout out, but I’ll go with it.

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Damn. All I have under my bed is dust bunnies… where’s the fun in that?

Here’s a random photo of ducks that were for sale at our local hardware store. I’m always tempted to bring home a few when the husband sends me up there for screws.

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Now there’s a platform no one can argue with.

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You do, you really do.

Does anyone know where I can score one of those beauties?

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I don’t know much about guns…

 

But this seemed like a weirdo even to me.

 

 

The husband is always picking up old magazines and articles about days gone by… probably in a vain attempt to identify the piles of crap he collects.

I don’t usually read them but hey, there’s a global pandemic and I tend to twitch if I run out of books.

 

 

Like I said, I don’t know much about guns..

 

 

But this does seem a trifle excessive.

They’re not worthy.

 

Not worthy of a blog of their own, but random interesting stuff all the same.

(And by interesting, you know I mean not at all interesting… just random information you didn’t want nor need but I feel compelled to share anyway)

 

 

I read a lot…. and before now have never thought of myself as any of these.

But from now on?

I’m an ink drinker all the way.

 

 

Yes, I bought myself a frying pan that’s reinforced by diamonds.

Because my fried chicken deserves the very best.

 

 

My rose is blooming like a lolly pop.

 

 

Is this earth shattering news you can use?

No.

But nothing I say ever is.

 

 

This claims to be the perfect Cosmopolitan recipe.

I shall research it extensively and report back.

 

 

Sadly, we had to shop for 2 headstones for recently passed members of my husband’s family.

After we picked the size of the stone, and the color of the granite….this was what we were given. Sheets of paper with literally thousands of designs that were printed so small, even reading glasses and a magnifying glass barely helped us make them out.

I believe the husband chose a lighthouse for one…. but it could as easily have been a beer keg.

Time will tell.

 

 

Danger Will Robinson!

If you’ve never experienced a browntail moth rash you haven’t lived a full life. Imagine mixing poison ivy with fire ants and chicken pox…. and you might come close.

These little bastards have moved into Maine and are stripping our trees bare. And if you happen to brush up against one of them? Hang on, because you’ll attempt to rip the skin off your bones within 12 hours. Nothing stops the itch except a spray that comes in a one ounce bottle sold by one hospital in the state for $65 per. Insurance won’t cover it and you need a doctor’s prescription to purchase it.

I get the rash at least 3 times a year.

Good times.

And finally, if you’ve been wondering what people are doing to keep busy during the pandemic… or how they’re spending their stimulus money?

Wonder no longer.

 

Randomness.

 

We’ve been busy with other things outside, but I’m still managing to keep Amazon afloat during the pandemic.

 

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And if you’re dying to read the new Hunger Games book? Don’t bother, it was rather disappointing. And while I’d given up on Stephen King… this new collection of short stories has my late BIL in it again, thinly disguised but still recognizable to those who knew him. He and Stephen went to school together.

And no, I won’t tell you which character. I’m evil that way.

 

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The fabulous rose I planted last year has finally decided to bloom.

 

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And it was worth waiting for.

On another note, isn’t it great when your friends get you?

 

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My girlfriend gave me this the other day and damn, it’s perfect!

 

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As is this beauty.

 

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Have you ever tried to photograph butterflies?

It’s not easy. This was the one lucky shot out of 20.

 

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Our raccoon decided to take a bath, dig through my garden bed and then attempted to climb up the garage the other night.

Why? I have no idea.

 

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But even I can’t argue with that.

 

 

Reason #56 why you should always have your cell phone nearby.

 

Hello my name is River, and I’m an addict.

A cell phone addict.

I always have my cell phone.

In my purse, in my pocket, in my hand. It’s rarely more than 10 feet away from me at any given time…. which drives the husband crazy.  (This could be because he’s always doing something photo worthy, but that’s another blog entirely.)

The other day as I was sitting on the barn porch with a book and a cheaters bottled cocktail…..

 

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A fly had the audacity to do the backstroke in my margarita.

 

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This will not be tolerated, so after removing the thirsty Esther Williams wannabe?

My cell phone saved the day….

 

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And the rest of my  I still don’t feel comfortable going to our local pub for a real one  margarita.

Reason #56 why you should always have your cell phone nearby – cocktail fly blocking.

You’re welcome.

 

Because big barn needs a little time in the spotlight now and then.

 

 

 

Since the baby barn has been hogging all the attention lately, let me reintroduce you to my favorite spot to spend late afternoons.

 

 

Comfortable furniture, blooming pretties, a good book and a cocktail.

Lowers my blood pressure just thinking about it.

 

 

I planted this garden bed two weeks ago, took a picture and realized there’s a hole.

Damn… another trip to the nursery will be necessary.

How awful.

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Big barn dwarfs baby barn.

 

 

And it’s where you can find me most evenings in the summer, surveying my domain.

 

 

Cheers!