I woke up on our last full day of vacation in Williamsburg, Virginia  (Yes, we’re finally there!)  cursing our second resort’s small bathrooms.

 

 

I mean… come on.

For a girl with big hair this is a very small space to make the magic happen.

And the shower?

 

 

One teeny tiny shelf!

I had to put the rest of my things on the floor.

 

 

We started the day at the husband’s favorite breakfast spot where he was now greeted with ”The guy who wants two plates of chipped beef on toast is here”.

 

 

And seeing that we’d had 2 full weeks of doing everything I wanted to do, I thought it prudent to throw the husband a bone and let him pick our last day’s activities.

 

 

As expected, that bit me in the ass.

 

 

He chose the Williamsburg Antique Mall… and let me tell you, that’s a whole lotta mall.

I have never in my life seen so much  useless crap  stuff  in one place. It went on forever, aisle after aisle after aisle. The husband was in heaven.

 

 

Oh, there were some interesting things.

 

 

And some seriously hideous things.

 

 

It was hard, but I managed to pass on this quartz rooster head.

 

 

And the Christmas tree in a shoe.

 

 

But damn, at the one hour mark we’d only managed to cover a little corner of the place.

 

 

The building was so huge it had push button call stations for help because it was too damned long a walk back to the front to find a sales clerk.

 

 

Two hours in there was a drunken Santa….

 

 

And some of the money the husband used during the Vietnam War.

 

 

Three hours in there was a pair of wolves on skis…

 

 

The ice cube trays I cursed with every breath as a child….

 

 

And some questionable artwork complete with psychedelic chickens.

 

 

Four hours in there were Civil War era hats and a saleslady who gave me a piece of paper to write down the aisle number, the booth number, the case number and a description of each article we had questions about because no one ever remembers what was where. If you look in the upper left hand corner of the picture you’ll see my hand clutching it.

And no, I wasn’t going to give it to the husband …. I’m not stupid.

The husband?

Happier than the proverbial pig in shit.

 

 

Rusty tools….

Rusty tools everywhere!

 

 

I passed on more vintage chickens.

 

 

And wondered who this wide eyed Santa was going to poke with that…. that….

Whatever the heck that was.

At the four and a half hour mark I had to use the rest room.

 

 

Where I did indeed flush my hopes and dreams of ever leaving this place down the toilet.

 

 

There was definitely something for everyone.

 

 

Even if some of the price tags made you gasp.

Five hours in I told the husband I was too hungry to continue and we needed to go get some lunch.

 

 

Yeah.

My worst nightmare came true….

They had a cafe.

 

 

Where we had tiny overpriced sandwiches and frozen solid fruit to fortify us for more hours of antique shopping.

 

 

 

It was at this point I knew we’d never leave.

I was doomed.

 

 

Too late for that warning…. the husband has had it for years.

 

 

He was bound and determined to see every last item in this store or die trying.

And by this time I was happily planning his demise.

 

 

Yikes.

Paging Morticia Addams….

 

 

And holy crap.

Who in their right mind wants that hanging on their wall?

 

 

Six hours in I found a bug collection….

 

 

Some chicken humor…

 

 

And part of the line to check out.

These people took a number…. and have probably been waiting since June 13, 1976.

 

 

But the husband was still going strong.

 

 

And if I told you how many rusty old pesticide sprayers we have in the barn already? You’d fear for my safety.

 

 

Here’s proof positive there’s a magazine for everything.

 

 

And a painting that contains fish bones.

You’re welcome.

 

 

SEVEN HOURS  in and we weren’t even 2/3’s of the way through.

 

 

I knew he wasn’t going to leave without buying something, but by then I’d reached my limit of  utterly useless crap  antique shopping.

I was on board with the old phone. It could have been fun in the barn…. when he builds that bar he keeps talking about.

You know, the bar he can’t build because he has too much utterly useless crap  stuff in the way.

 

 

Eight hours in?

I was silently screaming FFS….just pick something and let’s go!

Or maybe I said it out loud, I can’t remember.

 

 

So there it is, the result of 8 hours of antique mall shopping.

A giant glass water bottle to add to the other 20 or so giant glass water bottles he currently has collecting cobwebs.

 

 

I love him.

I do.

And as long as I keep telling myself that I’ll be fine.