Tag Archives: shopping

Things I like today… chapter 5.

 

I like….

Finding that just right product at T.J. Maxx.

 

IMG_5508

 

Pig collagen.

Because have you ever seen a wrinkled pig?

 

f57a4e210313ab0004e8d07dd8a248ac--funny-things-funny-stuff

 

I like…

Taking the guess work out of what to get me for my birthday.

 

IMG_5386

 

Good clean fun…. yes sirree.

 

I like…

Hummingbirds who pull up a chair and sit a while.

 

IMG_0908

 

As this one did the other day on our back deck.

 

images3Q48F64P

 

2,000 meals a day and sleep the whole night thru?

I totally want to be a hummingbird now.

I like….

 

IMG_5505

 

Okay, technically I don’t know if I like it yet because I just bought it.

 

IMG_E5506

 

But a 100 calorie cocktail?

 

IMG_E5507

 

What’s not to like?

And finally, I like….

This sign.

 

IMG_5519

 

Because who can argue with that?

 

Never let it be said….

 

We have boring neighbors.

Looking out the window last week I saw this:

 

IMG_E5006

 

Thinking I was sober…

I found another window to be sure.

 

dino

 

Okay, still there.

 

IMG_E5005

 

Yes, there really was a T Rex walking up our neighbor’s driveway.

Why?

Maybe he was on his way to the store….

 

2cc7pg

 

Maybe he was just out strolling with a friend.

 

IMG_E5008

 

Although what the hell that neon green thing was supposed to be has yet to be determined.

 

IMG_E5007

 

Never a dull moment as Casa River.

 

Really?

 

Have you ever been out shopping and stumble on a product that makes you go….

 

 

I did that the other day when I turned the corner and saw this:

 

IMG_5168

 

Catchy name.

And I admit… it made me look.

Then?

It made me sorry I looked.

 

IMG_E5169

 

Really?

 

 

Let’s break this down.

#1.   King of the Throne? Please.

This is the only king who will ever be on our throne.

 

throne

 

#2.   Tear, unfold and wipe, DUDE.

There are only two people who can get away with saying those words.

 

 

#3.   *ALSO SWEET FOR FACE, HANDS, PITS & DUDE REGIONS

Dude regions? I don’t want to explore that statement further.

Truly.

I don’t….

 

 

#4.  Ingredients include flower extract and citric acid.

Considering the purpose of the product… and the location of it’s use? I’m hoping there’s more of the flower and less of the acid.

 

 

 

 

And they talk about women!

 

The hunt for a new refrigerator continues, and just as I had finished extensive research and narrowed the field down to this one…

 

IMG_5327

 

The husband decided he wanted to go shopping and check them out for himself.

Granted, it’s a large purchase and I wanted him to like what I chose.

But ya know what?

 

 

I took him to the store and showed him my choice, which he walked right by and made a bee line for:

 

 

No.

And again? No.

Aside from the jaw dropping price tag? There’s no way I’m going to buy a refrigerator that tells me I’m out of cucumbers or what to cook for dinner.

Christ, do we really need “smart” appliances?

The day I’m too old and doddering to realize I’m out of cucumbers? I’ll stop cooking altogether.

In case you’re unfamiliar, there’s basically a computer on the door. You can make grocery lists, find recipes with the ingredients it knows are in there, and it will even link with your phone so you can check your expiration dates from remote locations.

Among other useful things….

 

l-15448-which-one-of-you-guys-put-pornhub-up-on-the-refrigerator-at-home-depot

 

Geesh.

All I want is cold food and ice.

 

smart fridge

 

Great. Scratch the ice.

So we shopped, and shopped, and shopped.

And the husband said that one’s shelves were too small,  that one’s lights were too bright, that one’s drawers were too deep…. etc etc etc.

To which, after grueling 5 hours I said..

“Come on Goldilocks!”

 

pick-one-5c46d7

 

So he picked one.

 

IMG_5465

 

And though it’s almost exactly the same as the one I’d picked a week earlier?

This one is $700 more.

 

 

So, men?

I don’t want to hear you say your wives are spending all the money.

My husband can out shop the best of ’em.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So very disappointing.

 

I love it when I go grocery shopping and find a product that seems to be tailor made for me.

Witness River’s cookie heaven:

 

IMG_5175

 

Cookies…

That taste like cocktails!

 

 

I was a little disappointed to find there was a bag inside the bag and how very few cookies there actually were….

 

IMG_5176

 

But I figured that just meant they were extra special.

I was wrong.

So very, very wrong.

 

 

In fact…  these cookies were not only horrible, but probably one of the worst things I’ve ever tasted in my life.  And I’ve endured my MIL’s pot roast, so that’s saying something.

I mean Hell… it’s a cookie. By nature they’re flippin’ delightful!

How do you screw that up?

As I was bundling them up to throw away, I flipped over the package and noticed this:

 

IMG_5177

 

Fruitcake.

This company shipped 12,000 pounds of the most atrocious baked good ever invented to brave, battle weary soldiers.

 

 

I know!

Hadn’t those poor men suffered enough?

Of course it does explain the low quality cookie standard and my severe revulsion to their product.

 

 

1f7z5n

 

 

Maybe that’s the explanation.

The cookies were actually leftover fruitcake from 1943.

 

imagesRB763C08

Instructions on how to spend a very depressing day.

 

Step 1.   Hire an appliance repairman to diagnose why your ice maker died and the fridge isn’t cooling properly.

Step 2.   Pay said repairman $95 to walk through the door.

 

 

Step 3.  Cry a little when repairman tells you your  expensive AF   six year old refrigerator will be requiring burial rites in the very near future.

 

 

6 years old!

Too young to die… or so I thought.

According to the repairman, 6-8 years is now the average lifespan of new appliances.

 

4dde8d92b71b400dca327caa7cd2dd8f

 

This makes me regret getting rid of the 1970’s almond Montgomery Ward fridge that came with our house when we moved in.

Ugly? Yes.

Fancy features? No.

But the damn thing still worked….. and now I miss it.

6 years.

 

 

For the love of God… she’s still shiny!

 

IMG_5310

 

She still looks new!

But apparently she’s rotten at the core.

 

 

Step 4.  Grab a girlfriend for consolation and proceed to the appliance stores to search for a suitable replacement.

Have you been to the appliance stores lately?

Even the clearance prices will make you faint.

 

IMG_5319

 

Mind you, that particular one had been returned, refurbished and was riddled with dents.

There’s lots to choose from, if you want to pay.

And pay. And pay…

 

IMG_5316

 

There are fancy French Door models.

Models with ridiculous features…

 

IMG_5330

 

And for the prices they’re charging?

I hope that one cooks, serves and cleans up the kitchen after marinating my meat.

 

IMG_5331

 

Herb storage?

 

 

One model even had a built in one of these –

 

IMG_5337

 

Yes.

An infuser pitcher, fitted right into the door. I paid $3.99 for mine… what do you want to bet this baby adds an extra $200 to the purchase price?

Step 5.  Go from store to store, avoiding salesmen and their high pressure “Oh, that sale ends today, better buy now!”  B.S….. never quite finding that perfect fridge that will fit in your crazy kitchen. ( We had to remove half a wall to fit my current one in. )

Step 6.  Have long booze filled lunch with girlfriend and curse refrigerator manufacturers.

 

 

Step 7.  Return home to melting ice and lukewarm milk.

Step 8.  Repeat steps 4 through 7 until replacement is found.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s pretty damned close….


 

Okay ladies, (Or men. I won’t discriminate) have you ever been to Ulta beauty?

I hadn’t until the other day and my only question is…. why the Hell did I wait so long?

I was like a kid in a candy store, happily skipping up and down the product laden aisles. It was lovely… and I came home with bags full of wondrous scents,   war paint   make up, lotions, soaps and  spackle  face creams.

 

 

A little known fact, but true nonetheless.

The guys will never understand, but a woman’s search for the perfect mascara can be life long.

We need it…. like air.

 

h17E9692D

 

Am I right?

Of course I am.

 

133fip

 

Never underestimate the power of cosmetics.

 

47563

 

So imagine my excitement when I found this –

 

IMG_E4304

 

Yes, you read it correctly.

 

IMG_E4303

 

Mascara that claims to be better than sex.

You know I had to try it.

 

IMG_4305

 

The applicator is hourglass shaped…

 

IMG_E4306

 

For obscure Marilyn Monroe reasons.

And while my husband will be glad that I can honestly report it’s not better than sex.

Believe me when I say…

It’s pretty damned close!!

 

IMG_4307