Tag Archives: shopping

Grill shopping.

 

The unthinkable happened last week.

Our beloved… and only 3 years old damn it… Weber grill died. Not wanting to spend a summer without one, we immediately went hunting for it’s replacement.

I wanted a small one without a side burner, so naturally all the husband looked at were large ones with side burners.

Ah, marriage.

 

 

Have you been grill shopping lately?

Holy crap!

I’ve paid less for cars.

 

 

Here’s the husband taking one for a test drive.

Literally driving it…. he spun it around a corner and had it up on 2 wheels.

Because Christ, at over a thousand dollars? That bastard better taxi us to the pub on its day off.

I found one I wanted.

Really wanted.

 

 

It came with wine!

But no. The husband dragged me to 5 other stores and ended up choosing one from Tractor Supply.

 

 

Large?

 

 

Oh yeah.

 

 

Much larger than we need, but it has stainless steel grates and radiant embers.

What the hell are radiant embers?

I have no idea….

But I bought some lovely filets and we’re going to find out tonight.

 

Grocery store oddity.

 

Yesterday was a relatively uneventful trip…. which is almost anticlimactic at this point. It’s been such a rich source of blog fodder these past few months.

There was ample toilet paper, meat and soup so maybe the panic buying is finally subsiding.

There was however this sign –

 

 

And while I consider my vocabulary larger than your average bear’s, aseptic juice did give me pause.

To my mind the words and septic and juice are not a good mix, for obvious reasons.

Because if I’m thirsty? I don’t usually head for the tank out back that holds our bodily wastes.

 

 

But thankfully the word aseptic has a different meaning:

Aseptic processing is a processing technique wherein commercially thermally sterilized liquid products are packaged into previously sterilized containers under sterile conditions to produce shelf-stable products that do not need refrigeration. 

Whew… that was close.

My Ocean Spray cranberry almost got crossed off the list.

Stupid products.

 

They’re everywhere.

 

 

 

Call me crazy, but I doubt this chicka is beating the men off with a stick.

 

Do I need to feel like Judy Jetson when I dispose of that slightly blue, mold covered cucumber that got pushed to the back of the crisper drawer?

No.

I do not.

 

 

Again with the space age crap. If I don’t know what year it is when I wake up?

I need to stop drinking, not buy a new clock.

 

 

Oh, yeah. These are sexy.

Perhaps she can double date with that hot Trekkie at the top.

 

 

Zero gravity?

I’m pretty sure if I ever find myself there, writing a grocery list or a thank you note won’t be my top priority.

 

 

And while I don’t need a dehydration light to flash in my water bottle…. this product might have adult beverage applications.

“Drink! You’re starting to sober up!”

Okay.

I’d buy that.

Back to work.

 

At what I believe is the slowest pace humanly possible.

We started on Memorial Day weekend Friday by attacking the baby barn again.

 

 

Trimming the window at a glacially slow pace because as we’ve previously established…. geometry is not our friend.

 

 

After more hours than I care to admit, we moved around to the door trim.

 

 

Which the husband insisted be wider than the other trim.

 

 

Did this work out well?

 

 

Not really. But neither has anything else in this remodel and he refused to do it over, so it is what it is.

 

 

The night before, we took a trip to Lowe’s for door hardware. I argued for 6 inch hinges, because well…. I’m a woman.

You know we love our 6 inches.

But the husband was having none of it and went with 4 inch hinges, trying to prove size doesn’t matter.

As we started to assemble the doors?

 

 

He realized in some instances, size does matter…. and sent yours truly back to Lowes for 6 inches.

Hinges!

I’m talking about hinges!

 

 

I won’t even describe the nightmare that was Lowe’s on Memorial Day weekend.

 

 

By the time I got back the day was done and we got virtually nothing accomplished.

Yay us.

Because they’re odd.

 

I love odd, in case you haven’t been paying attention.

And on my normal route to the grocery store?

I pass this:

 

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A bit personal as questions go, but delightfully odd.

And as my grocery store has been running low on sugar lately…

This:

 

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Golden?

I’m fervently hoping they’re not talking about showers…. but anything that’s less processed usually gets my vote.

And adding to the growing list of  FFS, the panic buyers are still at it  substitute products I have to buy now?

This:

 

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I must confess, I’m a trifle afraid of the Cousin Willie brand.

The more I stare, the more that ear of corn on the top right starts to look menacing… but I’ll be brave and soldier on.

At least it’s not as terrifying as this red pepper.

 

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I agree.

Chocolate is always the safer bet.

 

 

Because sometimes products are just…. wrong.

 

Have you ever seen something for sale and thought, WTH?

I do this quite often and feel it’s my duty to share.

The first strange item is called Q-flex.

 

 

 

And while I agree no one wants knots in their back, you have to admit this just looks…. wrong.

It seems to be 1/3 shepherd’s staff, 1/3 haying scythe, and 1/3 hook from your great grandfather’s old vaudeville act. Anyway you look at?

Wrong.

Next up? A tongue cleaner.

 

 

 

Holy crap! If your is turning brown and you can scrape that much disgusting residue from it’s surface?

Bad breath might not be the only malady you’re suffering.

A posture remedy is next in line.

 

 

Admit it, posture realignment wasn’t the first thing you thought of when you saw this was it?

So wrong.

This next item simply boggles my mind.

 

The magic of a corner piece? What kind of freak would buy this!

Everyone knows all the fudgy goodness is found in the middle.

Epically wrong.

And finally,  there’s a product that you’ve no doubt seen before.

 

 

This requires no explanation, and while I can’t personally attest to its wrongness…. I did find one of it’s reviews more than a little amusing.

 

 

Clearly this poor fellow had an issue.

Because when Taco Bell doesn’t end in the appropriate volcanic eruption? You know you need help.

 

 

 

Have Squatty, Will Travel.

Go west young man, and poop in peace.

Baby barn progress.

 

So work continued on our project from Hell.

 

 

Trim completed, we started shingling the back half of the roof….. and if you know anything about the baby barn?

You know it wasn’t going to cooperate.

 

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Oh, the first row was perfectly level.

 

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Unfortunately…. it was also 5/8ths of an inch short.

If you’ve ever done roofing, you know what a nightmare this is. Tiny little strips of shingles had to be cut for every row and you can’t put them at the end. No, that would be too easy. They had to be tucked somewhere in the middle so it didn’t screw up the pattern… which meant cutting one other shingle on every row as well.

Time consuming? You could say that.

 

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It literally took us all friggin’ day to do the back half of this little roof.

Okay, so the fact that the husband bought the wrong size flashing at Home Depot the night before   (because he went without me and therefore to the wrong store)  and then had to go back to Home Depot to return it the next day and get the right size flashing  (again without telling me and therefore to the wrong store )  and because Home Depot doesn’t sell the right size flashing  ( we’d bought the right size flashing across town at Lowes a month ago  )  he  also had to take a trip to Lowes.

The moral of that lengthy run on sentence? Tell your wife before you go somewhere so she can tell you you’re wrong. It will save you time and aggravation….. and she’ll thoroughly enjoy it.

No, that ridiculous waste of time didn’t help.

Of course, yours truly telling the husband he should have checked with me first didn’t help either…. but you know I had to.

 

 

Needless to say I put some physical distance between us after that comment.

 

 

I’m not sure the big barn porch was far enough, but at least it was out of hammer strike range.

 

 

So progress was slow, but it was progress.

 

 

And here’s a picture of a spider carrying off a dead fly….

Just for variety’s sake.

 

 

And then finally it was done.

But I didn’t get a picture because I was inside cooking dinner.

Hey, you’ve seen one crooked baby barn roof, you’ve seen them all.

 

 

Covid humor.

 

Because wouldn’t you rather laugh?

 

 

There.

That puts things in perspective.

 

 

Yes.

For quite a bit longer by the looks of things.

 

 

Don’t you just hate when that happens?

 

 

Hell, in Maine…. it already does.

 

 

Good rule.

 

 

Most definitely.

Grocery stores have become the new I-95. Wrong way dumb asses, rubberneckers, and the road police who do 25 miles under the posted speed limit.

Move aside people….

River needs double fudge brownie mix. And tequila.

 

 

A fitting finale.

WTF indeed.

Do you ever feel like you’re being watched?

 

On a late afternoon trip to Home Depot for baby barn supplies….and okay, maybe a plant or two…. we were desperately hungry and hit the McDonalds drive thru.

If you know how much we hate McDonalds, you’ll know how desperately hungry we were.

 

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Geranium perched between my legs, we scarfed down the  (is this supposed to be edible?)  food.

And while we were doing that?

 

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They gathered.

 

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One  by one, on both sides… as well as in the front and the back.

Not wanting to re-create a Tippi Hendren phone booth scene, we ate quickly and fled.

It’s a simple concept.

 

Trips to the grocery store are so much more interesting these days.

And by interesting, I mean annoying A.F.

Take for example… the ample directional signage.

 

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Since I am a fully functioning literate adult, I read this and my brain processes the instruction quite quickly.

For those unlucky souls who don’t possess my lightning quick reasoning? There was also this helpful accompaniment.

 

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Pretty straight forward, right?

Then why…. on every single aisle I traversed…. did I have to dodge customers coming straight at me? Many without the facial covering the store… and now this particular town…. requires.

Regardless whether you’re on board with the whole mask, social distancing, 6 feet apart regime…. it’s this grocery store’s policy and they’re doing it to try and keep you safe. You don’t have to shop there, but if you do? Please pay attention… and study those pesky one syllable directions.

I’d hate to inadvertently (on purpose) stick my foot out as you pass by.