Tag Archives: gardening

A modern fairy tale.

 

Once upon a time there was a Princess.

We shall call her….

River.

 

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(River has been called a lot of things in her day, but never a Princess.

So if you’re calling?

Make it loud.)

 

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Princess River loves her flowers. She plants them whenever and wherever she can.

And since the Princess lives in a kingdom that’s covered by snow and ice half of the year?

 

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She takes her plantings seriously.

 

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When she first moved into her castle, she toiled long and hard until she had the biggest and most beautiful garden bed in the land.

In early summer it sprouted stunning displays of Lupine….

 

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And myriads of other riotous, colorful blooms all season long.

 

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Princess River was content.

 

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This went on for many happy years until her husband, the evil Prince, started mowing in close proximity to the bed. He also mowed in the wrong direction.

Bad Prince.

Bad!

She asked him to be more careful.

She pleaded with him to go the other way.

But month after month the dastardly toad blew grass clippings in to her carefully tended flower garden.

 

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(You do.

And I shall…)

The Princess weeded, she turned the soil, she mulched….  but to no avail.

After a year or two, the grass took over.

 

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It choked all Princess River’s lovely flowers to death.

 

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Princess River was not happy.

She had to leave the castle and hump 12 bags of mulch across the moat.

 

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She had to wack down all her blooms, rake up the dead bodies, reset the brick border, lay weed block paper, re-mulch and reset the pavers that anchored the Royal Bath of Birds.

The sky darkened. The wind blew.

It started to rain.

And she ran out of mulch.

 

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(Mathematical coverage formulas were never her strong suit.)

Princess River had to abandon her project when a deluge of biblical proportion battered her royal self.

 

 

 

She will be victorious…. someday.

Until then she will slowly plot her revenge upon the evil Prince and his heinous grass cutting machines.

She will plan carefully.

The punishment must fit the crime.

 

 

 

 

Still drinking, still knowing…

 

Still have to share my ridiculously useless knowledge.

 

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Did you know….

 

1.   The little dot over a lower case  is called a tittle.

 

(There won’t be any memes to accompany that precious nugget of information.

Google image searching for the word “tittle” led me in some very disturbing directions.)

 

2.   An octopus will eat it’s own arms if it gets hungry enough.

But Hell….

I think we’ve all been tempted to do that at one time or another, no?

 

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3.  In 1900 the third leading cause of death was diarrhea.

Aren’t you glad you started reading this blog?

 

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4.  Winnie the Pooh was based on a real life female bear named Winnie who lived in the London Zoo.

 

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5.  The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by the Egyptians in 2000 BCE.

 

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I don’t know about you, but crocodile dung would definitely be enough to kill the mood for me.

 

6.  Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.

Really?

Orchids I could understand. They’re fussy, creepy, high maintenance flowers that look like they want to bite off your finger.

But ferns?

They’re delightful..

 

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7.   Buzz Aldrin’s mother’s maiden name was Moon.

How’s that for serendipity?

 

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8.  If you live in Michigan, it is illegal to put a skunk in your boss’s desk.

Sorry Detroiters…

I’m sure that’s very disappointing news.

 

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Cold weather, lawn tractors, pack rats and men that don’t plan ahead.

Have I mentioned it’s been cold?

Well, it has.

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(If you don’t have WTForecast on your phone, you should. It makes bad weather bearable.)

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And if we still had cats, yes. I’d do that too.

Bitter temps and high winds make me want to hunker down and hibernate…

And drink.

But come to think of it so do warm weather, humidity, fog, wind, rain, hail and thunderstorms….. so make of that what you will.

It’s still winter here in Maine.

But that didn’t stop my husband from shopping for a lawn mower.

He wants one of these –

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Which they practically give away for the ever so reasonable price of $5,500.

To which my reaction was…

He shopped around for the best price…

(spoiler alert, there isn’t one)

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And made this poor guy dig one he promised to buy out of the solid ice and snow. Then he ordered it somewhere else.

Thanks husband.

Now I can’t show my face at the local Tractor Supply without fear of reprisal.

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Did I mention…

This new tractor won’t fit in our shed slash (yes, there used to be a horse in there) barn?

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Center post, 4 push mowers, patio furniture, wheel barrows, a generator, an extra truck tailgate, 2 old safes with no combinations, chainsaws, weed whackers, a plow, and 3 doors he brought home from the dump.

It won’t fit in the garage.

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(2 cars, 2 motorcycles, a snowblower, 2 bed frames, a sink, an antique cash register, trash cans so filled with stuff there’s no room for trash, a fax machine, bicycles, paint, tools, shovels and at least 100 empty boxes.

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Because you never know when you might need one.

Or thirty.

There could be a dead body. How would I know? I haven’t seen a wall, or parts of the floor in years.)

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It won’t even fit in the new giant barn.

Husband has filled that with floor to ceiling crap treasure as well.

When he needs to work in there? It looks like this…

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He’s my husband, and he’s a pack rat.

(He also refused to build the ramp I wanted out the front doors and would have no way to drive the tractor up in there anyway.)

So…

When the new toy he ordered comes in?

I have no earthly idea where he’s going to park it.

Men.

You never plan ahead.

Random photo drivel.

 

(Otherwise known as I need to clean out my files and none of these shots warranted their own blog.)

 

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Is it wrong that every time I see our organic vegetable farming neighbor’s migrant workers heading out to the fields I hum “Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It’s Off To Work I Go?”

(It is, isn’t it?

Damn. I’m not sure I can stop.)

*Note to self – do not search Giphy for Hi Ho Hi Ho, you will not get the 7 dwarfs*

 

 

In other neighborhood news, a nice young couple down the road got married in their backyard last month and wanted to include their dog in the ceremony.

 

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Now, how cute is that?

 

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You’re welcome.

In garden news, I’m quite enjoying these funky pink flowers I didn’t plant.

 

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I love it when random drive by bird pooping results in something pretty.

 

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I mean look at these little guys….

 

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They could be planning next year’s perennial bed right now.

Or… they’re an evil sparrow cabal plotting revenge for my decision to switch bird seed brands.

 

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Tough call.