Tag Archives: gardening

Last minute Christmas gifts for the weirdos on your list.

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For those friends who like to play in the dirt?

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Pencils. They’re not just for chewing anymore…

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I thought this next one was cute.

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But realized I might be attacked by that hungry red squirrel bitch and had to pass.

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Yoga dice?

How am I supposed to play craps if a winning roll is downward facing dog.

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I see the appeal here.

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We’re building a barn bar and the husband has been known to tick me off.

Hmmm..

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Because an internal kind message will take the sting out of an F Bomb gift.

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And finally there’s jewelry.

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Because no woman can resist a man who gives her turd themed bling.

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What the flock?

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Birds.

You never know who’ll show up.

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Turkeys on Thanksgiving Day? That takes balls.

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They’re even pushing the envelope by ripping up every scrap of weed block landscaping paper I laid under our tree.

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And blue jays.

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All of a sudden, a large flock of blue jays.

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There were blue jays everywhere.

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And the greedy little devils wiped out four feeders in no time flat.

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Birds.

Sometimes annoying, but always photo worthy.

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Products we all need. Or not.

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Does anyone really need a shower curtain of mushroom derrières?

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No. But you have to admit it does provide a striking visual.

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I know we’ve all gotten lazy, and gardening inside is bad enough… but now there’s an app that allows you to sit on your couch and grow tomatoes with your phone?

Just because we can, doesn’t mean we should.

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I laughed at this one, but when the winter Covid surge rolls around and all the grocery stores are out of TP again?

It might be a suitable alternative.

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Okay, that one I might have to buy.

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Because I can only say it here…

 

(And not to my husband, though I want to. I really want to!)

Planting apple trees in excessive summer heat, during a drought?

Not a good idea.

 

 

A week afterwards?

 

 

Most of them look like this…. and I simply have to say it before I burst.

I told you so!

 

 

It’s been crazy hot and dry. Our lawn is turning brown and crunching underfoot.

Not exactly prime transplanting conditions.

 

 

But he wouldn’t listen… so now we have 9 almost dead twigs.

 

 

And before you say it, I have watered them.

I purchased three 100′ foot expandable hoses strictly for that purpose.

I added them to my original 100′ foot hose and have repeatedly hauled the four 100′ foot hoses out to the far corners of our property watering the damned things.

 

 

One tree.

One in ten is all that looks healthy.

I told him!

But he wouldn’t listen.

 

 

Indeed.

They’re not worthy.

 

Not worthy of a blog of their own, but random interesting stuff all the same.

(And by interesting, you know I mean not at all interesting… just random information you didn’t want nor need but I feel compelled to share anyway)

 

 

I read a lot…. and before now have never thought of myself as any of these.

But from now on?

I’m an ink drinker all the way.

 

 

Yes, I bought myself a frying pan that’s reinforced by diamonds.

Because my fried chicken deserves the very best.

 

 

My rose is blooming like a lolly pop.

 

 

Is this earth shattering news you can use?

No.

But nothing I say ever is.

 

 

This claims to be the perfect Cosmopolitan recipe.

I shall research it extensively and report back.

 

 

Sadly, we had to shop for 2 headstones for recently passed members of my husband’s family.

After we picked the size of the stone, and the color of the granite….this was what we were given. Sheets of paper with literally thousands of designs that were printed so small, even reading glasses and a magnifying glass barely helped us make them out.

I believe the husband chose a lighthouse for one…. but it could as easily have been a beer keg.

Time will tell.

 

 

Danger Will Robinson!

If you’ve never experienced a browntail moth rash you haven’t lived a full life. Imagine mixing poison ivy with fire ants and chicken pox…. and you might come close.

These little bastards have moved into Maine and are stripping our trees bare. And if you happen to brush up against one of them? Hang on, because you’ll attempt to rip the skin off your bones within 12 hours. Nothing stops the itch except a spray that comes in a one ounce bottle sold by one hospital in the state for $65 per. Insurance won’t cover it and you need a doctor’s prescription to purchase it.

I get the rash at least 3 times a year.

Good times.

And finally, if you’ve been wondering what people are doing to keep busy during the pandemic… or how they’re spending their stimulus money?

Wonder no longer.

 

Just call him Johnny Appleseed.

 

Hope springs eternal, at least for my husband when it comes to trees.

 

 

The three oaks he transplanted a while ago croaked and had to be dug up.

 

 

So when we were in the middle of a drought and a heat wave?

 

 

He figured that would be a great time for us to plant 10 apple trees.

 

 

Holes were dug in ground that felt like cement.

 

 

And I had to run the bucket brigade again.

 

 

Because naturally he wanted to plant them at the far ends of our property.

 

 

But I did find some wild raspberries.

 

 

And blackberries.

 

 

 

It took us all damned day.

 

 

But trees were planted.

 

 

 

The heat was intense and I told him this was the wrong time of year to plant.

 

 

 

But you know how that went.

 

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Will he water and fertilize and care for these new transplants in this mid summer heat wave?

Hell no.

Say goodbye trees, you’re doomed.

 

 

 

He shouldn’t be happy, but he was.

 

He shouldn’t be happy we had high winds that brought down part of our choke cherry tree two nights ago.

 

 

He shouldn’t be happy.

 

 

But you know he was.

 

 

Because as soon as the sun came up?

 

 

He was out there.

 

 

Trimming weight.

 

 

Anxious for the fun to begin.

 

 

Ready!

 

 

 

You know he’s been itching to cut something down.

 

 

So he was one happy camper.

 

 

It had to be done, but when he started eyeing the rest of the tree?

I threw myself in front of it to save the poor thing from total annihilation.