Tag Archives: question

Will the real bot please stand up…

.

*Title is an archaic reference to a classic game show. Kudos if you know which one.*

.

.

Oh, be quiet.

The point of this blog? WordPress followers. I know most of you probably don’t pay attention to your list, but I do and conduct daily removals of all businesses and bots. I don’t need car insurance, yoga pants, a kale soufflé recipe or a 5 step program to be a better me. This me is as good a me as I’m ever going to get. Someday someone will explain to me why so many of these people/machines feel the need to follow me over and over again.

.

.

Dairy products? Perhaps she/it wants to hug a cow…

Furniture? Clearly someone/thing enjoyed my leather chair shopping saga.

.

.

Same face, three different names and sites. Zap. Zap. Zap.

.

.

And back she/it comes. No matter how many times I delete…

.

.

The next day they’re back.

.

.

So here’s my question.

What are they getting out of this? And why can’t they take the hint?

.

.

Nice try with the alcohol Paula. At least you’re getting to know me better.

.

Talk to me.

.

And answer a question if you can.

.

.

As some of you know, I injured my knee while staining our deck last fall.

It ached for weeks, but when I stepped off our kitchen porch one morning in October… something snapped like a rubber band. The pain was so excruciating I dropped to the ground and may have called for my dead mother. ( This from the woman who had a full abdominal hysterectomy, went home the next morning and took Tylenol for a few days. My pain tolerance is high.)

.

.

So my knee swelled up like a balloon and I couldn’t move my leg without cringing. The pain sent me to the doctor, who sent me to the orthopedist, who sent me for an MRI. I was diagnosed with a deep root meniscal tear and a damaged MCL. Wanting to avoid surgery, I opted for a cortisone shot that didn’t help, rehab exercises that didn’t help, and ice with ibuprofen which reduced the massive swelling but didn’t help the pain.

.

.

It’s now three months later, and while I manage to walk without a limp (sometimes) it still hurts, still feels unstable and still makes walking or standing for long periods of time intolerable. Stairs? Hate them. Treadmill? It’s collecting dust.

My SIL tore her meniscus a few years back and told me it took her almost 12 months to fully heal.

So my question is this: does anyone out there have experience with this? Because while it’s winter in a no travel Covid era, where my main exercise involves popping a top and raising a glass…

.

.

I’m wondering if avoiding the hospital is going to be possible going forward.

Someday we’ll be able to travel again and getting up out of the chair without groaning like a ninety year old would be preferable.

.

I have questions.

.

My first question is why I even bother going to Wal Mart in the first place? For a store that claims to have everything, they rarely… if ever… have what I need.

Bird seed?

.

.

Nope.

Is there a new Covid 19 shopping panic I don’t know about? Are preppers stocking their bunkers with sunflower seed and suet now? I mean really… every single time I go Wal Mart… specifically for bird seed… the shelves are bare. It’s beyond annoying.

While I was there this time I also looked for individual au gratin baking dishes, because ya know… River needs to bake some fancy fish.

Nope. Couldn’t find any.

The rude gum smacking purple haired helpful sales associate I finally tracked down and asked told me there was no such thing… but I could find the potatoes on aisle 12.

.

.

Sheets?

Our niece wanted some flowered ones for her dorm room… but Wal Mart said no can do.

.

.

Flowers?

Forget about it. Plain grey, beige and navy. It was the same blah color scheme of that furniture store I visited a while back. And hey, I understand trends as much as the next girl… but what happened to something for everyone?

Feeling totally discouraged, I searched for one more thing.

A simple thing. A thing surely every Wal Mart in America carries.

A sweatshirt for the husband…

But did I find one?

I think you know the answer to that.

There was one lone sweatshirt in the men’s department. A size small… in bright red.

* note to Wal Mart stockers – get with the program! It’s Maine. We need bird seed, sweatshirts and fancy fish bakers. *

.

.

How does this happen?

 

A little background before we begin:

I have a YouTube channel.

The only reason I have a YouTube channel is so I can post short ridiculous videos of meaningless drivel here on my blog.

 

normal

 

Nests, ducks, ants, roof leaks and the ever popular baby barn.

As you can see by the number of views, my audience is limited. And who can blame them? Watching my roof leak will only excite a small demographic.

Yes, occasionally a friend will stumble on my channel and watch a few…. but without my blog narrative they don’t make a whole lot of sense.

Which is fine, because I don’t have time for… nor interest in…. promoting this channel.

So I have to ask… why?

 

huh

 

Why have I gone from 8 subscribers to 805?

 

youtube

 

And while I don’t mean this to be a racially charged statement…. there aren’t any John or Jane Smiths on the list.

 

 

 

Totskie Pacino.

Al’s 3rd cousin twice removed? Could be.

After a little research, I found comments.

 

 

 

I didn’t understand them, but I found them.

And upon further study it seems this video, that I posted when we visited the Jacksonville, Florida Zoo 2 years ago….

 

 

 

Is the reason.

 

 

Holy mother of wombats!

It went from 7 views to 100,000 in the span of a week.

And a few days later?

 

 

Another 92,000 views. WTH?

Is there some lame international search engine that was so desperate to provide results they chose my far from riveting 51 second clip over this?

 

 

 

 

I’m befuddled.

I mean hell,  my video wasn’t titled Look At This Awesome Tiger! So why are 192,988 people searching the web for IMG 5867?

Yes, I’m befuddled. And also a little ticked.

 

 

Clearly Evelyne Robinson hasn’t been paying attention.

If I did indeed have a tiger?

He’d be as fat as momma woodchuck and unable to nimbly traverse my lovely backyard waterfall.

*Note to self – check into installing lovely backyard waterfall. Red squirrels can’t swim*

 

 

 

Yes, my views are up.

But once these subscribers realize it’s nothing but woodchucks and barn insulation, I fear my stats will be taking a dramatic downturn.

Sorry Totskie.

I have a question.

 

So if someone could tell me what this is?

That would be great.

 

IMG_2924

 

Because I was out shopping with a girlfriend a month ago and found something on the ladies clearance rack I can’t explain.

 

 

Let’s ignore the fact it’s butt ugly.

And there’s a random patch of black lace on a sweatshirt.

Let’s also ignore the clashing colors of the plastic gewgaws on the breast.

 

IMG_2923

 

What. The. Utter. F*ck?

Is there a group of low limbed mutant women roaming my state?

 

 

Or maybe they have 4 arms….. and can’t decide if they want to go sleeveless.

Either way, I can’t begin to fathom how anyone else would be able to wear this monstrosity.

 

Time to fess up….

 

Which one of you boneheads is peeing in my birdbath every night?

Because this is getting old.

Every afternoon I clean out the birdbath.

 

IMG_5886

 

Filling it with sparkling clean, cool water for our birds to drink and take a bath.

And then every morning I wake up to this:

 

IMG_5885

 

Every single morning.

So…

Fun’s over. Admit your crime.

The midnight madness must stop.

 

Name That Crap #2

 

My first attempt at stumping WordPress readers with the husband’s crap failed miserably.

Name That Crap

Answer to Name That Crap

Clearly, you lot know your crap.

 

holy-crap-thats-590bde

 

No, it’s really not.

But let’s try again anyway.

 

Img_1626

 

It stands approximately two feet tall and is made of wood and metal.

What it is?

 

hgoft5t

 

Yes, it is.

But I’ll need you to be more specific….

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

 

lkjrifd

 

Well, keep dreaming…

Today’s not the day.

It’s an age old question and I thought why not enlist a few famous people to help us with the answer.

So why did the chicken cross the road?

OPRAH says:  Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

Fair enough.

Let’s hope it’s a Mercedes, because they had the best car commercial… ever!

Watch it. I dare you not to smile…

 

 

SARAH PALIN says:  The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!

 

Like+a+boss+somebody+called+him+chicken_b7adcb_4165676

 

DR SEUSS says:  Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

 

1422175441613

 

True, but a little morbid.

BILL CLINTON says:  I did not cross the road with that chicken.

 

i-did-not-have-sexual-relations-with-that-chicken

 

Okay, okay. We get it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY says:  To die in the rain, alone.

 

9a5119f6-he-looks-madder-than-a-wet-hen

 

Well, damn.

That’s depressing.

DONALD TRUMP says:  We should build a wall so the chicken can’t cross the road.

 

1e0f98556eafa7f334d71ba094c1073c

 

Nice hair.

AL GORE says:  I invented the chicken…. and the road.

 

oxz22

 

Yeah…

Thanks for that.

ALBERT EINSTEIN says:  Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

 

1q1piu

 

And finally –

ARISTOTLE says: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

 

chicken-crossed-the-road-game-math-chicken-abbey-road-a-parody-of-the-abbey-road-but-chickens-taken-this-summer-on-the-road-up-from-in-mathpapa-exponents

 

So there you have it.

 

we-may-never-know-why-the-chicken-crossed-the-road-funny-meme-photo-1544396354p8c4l

 

And because I don’t want to break the trend of inserting a GOT reference into every single one of my posts till the final season is over….

 

 

A Game of Thrones chicken.

Epic!

Drive by likings….

 

I love to blog.

 

9e33360f29b98de02e122109b1fb3a3b

 

(I like to think so… but in reality? No.)

I love to read other people’s blogs.

 

3569a69cc6087f0c2392177189130f416d2fd934fcd6b4a7acf6b8987bda0e29

 

(That looks more like an ostrich egg, but who am I to turn down free food?)

I love to comment on other people’s blogs and have them comment on mine.

 

h762FC408

 

(Yes…. Yes I can.)

For me, it’s all about connecting. And I’ve been doing it for over 14 years.

Finding a small tribe of like minded weirdos is comforting, and I enjoy it.

So while I’m relatively new here, and I realize WordPress is a large site with scores of people who try to profit from, or make a living out of it…. I’m constantly dumbfounded by the amount of shadow bloggers who inhabit this space.

They like my post, sometimes they follow me…. when I know damn well they’ve never read a single word I’ve written.

Do they even exist?

 

blogging-meme1

 

Example.

 

jiyudrtf

 

This person (?) has 418 followers…

And 85 likes on a post that isn’t even a post.

WTH?

How can you like something that doesn’t exist?

 

the-loch-ness-banana_o_2537845

 

(Okay, never mind… that’s fabulous.)

But please tell me what the point is here, because I’m confused.

Drive by likings.

Shadow followers.

Why?