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In fairness to my dog loving readers who must cringe at the plethora of cat posts on my page … here’s one for you.
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Wondering what your next birthday or Christmas gift to Fido should be?
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Mr. Poops. Because you can never go wrong with a morose black turd.
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No need to thank me. The thought of Mr. Poop happily squeaking his way through your house is all the gratitude I need.
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Today is Father’s Day and it’s time to honor dear old dad. The man who’s always got your back. The grill master. The king of lame jokes. The guy who thinks he rocks that Members Only jacket. And what better way to say you love and appreciate dad than a gift?
Okay, so the father in question doesn’t actually have human children? No problem. I’ve got you covered.
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Coffee mugs from your furry four footed overlord.
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And in case you think we’re too cat-centric here at River’s World…
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There. Proof positive there’s a perfect gift for every dad.
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You know, the one our friends gave us that inspired my husband to spend untold thousands in converting his storage barn to a man cave extraordinaire? Well guess what…. the husband has decided the free table isn’t good enough now and has been shopping for a new one.
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Have you ever shopped for a pool table during a global pandemic that forced everyone to stay home? If not, I don’t recommend it. Maybe it’s just Maine, but up here decent pool tables are hard to find. After exhaustive research ( that would be me, you know he wouldn’t take the time ) and a few disappointing viewings from Craig’s List ( ‘oh yes, the table is nearly new and in perfect condition’ they say… standing over a tilted, dented wreck with ripped felt ) we found a store with two ( yes, that’s all ) tables for sale.
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Did I mention it was a very high class place? I deduced this by the dogs playing poker plastic sculpture that took center stage.
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Swanky pool cue holders were available as well.
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Husband tried this table but it got a no vote from me. If we’re going with better… I want better, not seedy pool hall decor.
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This had a little more style, but the wrong color felt. Turquoise may be hot right now but we prefer the old fashioned green.
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The tables can be ordered and customized with any wood finish as well.
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Out the door, delivered and professionally set up for $3,500. Please note this is a far cry from free…. but not as much as the Brunswick or Olhausen brands. Those babies go for $8,000 – $10,000.
* gulp *
The search continues.
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The crisis is slowly winding down and Covid humor is harder to find, but here are the latest.
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Sometimes it really is better to bee safe than sorry. ( Feel free to groan. I couldn’t help myself. )
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No doubt!
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You can’t argue with that logic.
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While technically these aren’t virus related jokes, if you’ve done any home improvements in the past year you know the price of lumber and supplies has skyrocketed.
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We were in Lowes the other day ordering shingles for our long overdo roof repair, and trust me… this isn’t far off the mark.
And finally…
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Ouch!
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I mean really, how could I not?
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I broke down and ordered a sampler pack of perfume from a French company that takes themselves as seriously as I do. In other words, not at all.
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They embrace the bad reviews of their products and even use them in their advertising campaigns.
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And since I value a sense of humor above all else, I can’t imagine I’ll be disappointed. But don’t for a minute think is a gimmick. They don’t exactly give their stuff away.
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I Am Trash is one of their most popular fragrances. A revolting name, but an interesting idea.
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The ultimate in recycling. And as long as stray dogs don’t start following me down the street? It should be fun trying.
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In the continuing series Small Town Life Be Different…. here are the latest missives from mine.
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This was so sweet. Our local UPS man… who distributes doggie treats on his route… is in the hospital with pneumonia, so all his four legged customers posted pictures.
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Because traffic alerts in the country are less about speeding and more about manure.
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Every year the women of the Historical Society sew a quilt with local scenes to be auctioned off.
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The Town Office bought the first one where it still hangs proudly.
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Yes, I showed this to the husband. And no, he hasn’t removed his absolutely no chickens ban.
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Yikes. Critters that crawl under your house and die are the worst. But I can’t say I’ve ever known one to stink of garlic. And speaking of stinking…
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Word to the wise… if you think it’s your year? It most definitely is. 🤢
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As he predicted, this man’s post got a whole lotta hate. He’s new to the area… and I’m guessing he isn’t going to be very popular. Buying a house in a rural part of Maine means generations of the previous owners might still be inhabiting your back 40. A man up the road from us has a cemetery from the late 1700’s on his land. He doesn’t know the family or their descendants, but lovingly cares for the plot all the same. It’s called respect.
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A list of gifts to give your friends. If you don’t ever want them to speak to you again that is….
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Repeat after me, ” I will not buy River a dog’s ass pillow for her birthday or Christmas. Not now. Not ever. ”
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Seriously? Like I don’t have enough guilt reaching for those two extra slices of cheese as it is.
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Why.
Why in the world would anyone want to walk around in a baguette? I’ve been to France and had them fresh from the boulangerie. They are made to sop up sauce, be covered in jam or smothered in cheese… not your nasty foot funk.
That’s a hard no from me.
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It might be a new year, but I still need to laugh.
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I’m speechless.
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If it is? I’m doomed.
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I have Prime. Yay!
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This so reminds me of my MIL. She never missed a thing.
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Funny, but also true.
And because I’m not always snarky?
A few words of encouragement.
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I don’t know if this is true…
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But I’m really hoping it is.
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Baby Yoda cocktails? Fabulous. Telling me about them and not posting a recipe? Cruel.
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And since we’ve all had enough of the last election horror show?
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Wilbur is pretty stinking cute. And when’s the last time you said that about a presidential candidate?
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Poop cookies.
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Admit it, you know someone who deserves a dozen or so of those.
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Facebook has given me a wonderful Christmas gift.
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My usual Ball Wash ads have been replaced by silly pet costumes.
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Never mind the fact we don’t currently have a dog…
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Or have ever bought one of these shamefully humiliating outfits.
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I’m just glad to see an end to the scrotum cleaning products.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
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