I saw an article the other day about all the amazing things people are doing with the spare time the pandemic shutdowns are providing them.
Some were worth while.
Did Rufus McToofus need his very own adirondack chair to celebrate accordingly?
That’s so special it hurts.
What do you suppose those ducks are posting on social media? Can someone please investigate and report back. I’d hate for those ducks to have a more interesting blog than mine.
A worthy use of time.
Go ahead, laugh.
It’s better than the alternative.
Have you ever wondered how it will feel when we eventually (hopefully!) get back to normal?
I’m not sure I ever want a stranger closer than 6 feet again.
This could be a real problem if Aunt Jemima products are going to disappear…
I totally need that mask.
Yeah, we kind of do.
Well that goes without saying.
Personally, I’d prefer 2 continents.
One day only!
It’s all about priorities.
And finally for my horoscope loving readers….
Because laughter is the only contagious thing I want to catch.
That sounds about right.
We really didn’t….
I’m all for this.
As hard as lock down has been, there are some people I’ve been quite happy to avoid.
I could totally rock that look.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve had it with the conspiracy theorists.
That’s so wrong.
A pandemic symptom I can totally relate to.
Which brings me to the new anthem for the Covid age.
Sing it sister!
I know we’ve all become lazy housebound sods who can’t be bothered to put on pants during the pandemic, but this?
This is a bridge too far.
The day I’m too lazy to stir my own pan you have permission to slit my throat, fill it with kale and put me out of my misery.
And while I’m all for cocktails?
I have absolutely no intention of sharing my margaritas with llamas.
Kitty Hitler looks positively thrilled.
Let’s ponder this for a moment.
Someone thought about, invented, pitched, found investment capital and marketed….. a hammock for fish.
Is this a great country or what!
And finally…. when your dog no longer needs his collar of shame?
You can re-purpose it in the kitchen.
Because if I don’t laugh I might have to hurt someone.
Add a margarita and it sounds like a plan.
Because if you won’t wear a mask, why should I wear pants?
And after almost 4 months of doing nothing?
Trust me… you want me to wear pants.
Ah, Spam. The miracle meat no one wants to eat.
Wait a minute….. do you think they could behind this whole thing?
The virus is a hoax engineered to make people eat 83 year old canned ham!
It’s a canine revenge plot.
Either way, we’re stuck with it…
And it’s nice to see Maine stores still have a sense of humor.
For a pure burst of summer color?
You can’t beat peonies.
They’re bright, lush and smell heavenly.
Or as my husband calls them…
Guest towels from the spare bathroom you nail into a long piece of wood when your wife isn’t looking.
The gift a friend gives you because she knows you’re allergic to horsefly bites.
With a name like the Bug Bite Thing, you don’t expect it to work.
And no surprise, it didn’t. A horsefly bit me, I suctioned my arm as directed and still swelled up like a politician at a pay by the plate fundraising dinner.
More foolishness –
Contains 40% urea.
Don’t know what urea is?
Google it, I’ll wait.
Who in the world wants to rub urine on their feet.
And on the off chance I ever do? I’ll save myself some money and ask the neighbor’s dog to pee on me. Lord knows he’s been trying to for years.
Keeping the American economy strong for decades.
The Crunch Cup. So you can drink your morning cereal…
Most important meal of the day? Maybe.
But you should know my husband’s cardiologist (the top rated man at the largest and best hospital in our state) said breakfast cereal is a top contributor to obesity and diabetes in this country. He won’t even allow it in his house.
So no cereal sippy cups for us.
Now I don’t know about you, but the day I’m too lazy to butter my bread?
I’ll just hang it up for good and take to my bed with a case of Patron.
No, this is not an iPhone ball delivery system for playing catch with Fido.
Kill me now.
Okay…. I can almost see the attraction here.
And while this may look a little odd?
The Guzzle Buddy has my name written all over it.
This is a bridge too far.
I don’t know about you?
But a hydrated ass is the least of my worries right now.
For the next few afternoons I’m going to be my usual helpful self and give you something to do while you’re quarantining yourself at home like a good viral citizen.
Lately the net has been filled with clever and creative ways to occupy your time…. but I’m going to share one from the Getty Museum that really made me smile.
Since visits to their museum have been cancelled for the near future, they challenged their members to re-create their favorite works of art.
Here are some of my favorites:
Kudos to this couple.
I don’t know what the hell he put on his head, but damn.
I’m not sure Dali would approve, but I’ll give them an A for effort.
And finally, here’s one that’s better seen by side.
Brilliant, I tell you!
In the time of Corona Virus.
Why is it that 3 weeks on vacation flies like the wind, but 3 weeks staying home feels like 6 months?
I know I shouldn’t complain. We’re blessed my husband can work from home and keep a steady paycheck. But Lord…. what I wouldn’t give for Direct TV to gasp it’s last breath.
My husband is a news hound. Which is mildly annoying any other time… but now?
It feeds the hypochondria he inherited from his mother and his sometimes slightly paranoid nature.
No, I don’t want to hear the new death toll number.
And no, I definitely don’t want to see another Presidential news conference which are anything but.
In other news, our stores are still out of toilet paper. And people are posting sightings like it’s Bigfoot…. or something hovering over Roswell, New Mexico.
“There’s a dozen packages of Cottonelle on Aisle 6, Hannaford in Westbrook.”
“A new shipment of Charmin on Aisle 10, Shaws in Rockland?”
It really is ridiculous.
And makes you wonder what we’re going to do if this trend continues.
In case you’re wondering why….
Who are you?