Tag Archives: music

It has clearly been a loooong time.

 

Waiting for the husband the other day….. (I swear, that man will talk to a rock)  I sat aimlessly,  playing with my phone.

 

 

Scoped Apple news, saw an article on concerts in Las Vegas and thought, we have timeshare resorts there…. I’ll take a look.

Lady Gaga in October?

That could be fun.

Or not…

 

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I believe my jaw literally dropped open.

Okay, I get it.

I’m old.

 

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My concert going days ended with the Grateful Dead and CSN. Back when a record was an actual vinyl record… (look it up kids, V- I- N- Y- L)

But mother of god!

$8,097 for 2 tickets?

For that price I’ll want Gaga to rip some of that meat off her dress, cook me dinner and do the dishes when she finishes singing.

 

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Who the hell can afford that?

Again… I know, I’m old.  55,  that’s practically dead.

And the last ticket price I paid was probably $75.

But damn.

You shouldn’t have to mortgage your house to see a show.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who knew?

 

I did,  because…

 

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Did you know…

The phrase “hands down”  (as in “He won that game hands down.”)  was first used in the 19th century to describe a horse racing victory? It signified the jockey was so far ahead he could drop the reins and relax his arms.

 

 

Well, not quite.

 

Did you know….

Bruno Mars played an Elvis impersonator as a child in the 1992 film Honeymoon in Vegas?

It’s true.

 

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Did you know….

Mosquito repellants do not repel, they hide.

The spray blocks a mosquito’s sensors so they don’t even know you’re there.

 

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Did you know…

During WWII, America tried to train bats to drop bombs.

Silly Americans, what were we thinking?

Bats won’t even play fetch.

 

 

 

Did you know….

The Roman emperor Caligula made his horse a Senator.

Maybe we should try this….

It can’t be any worse.

 

 

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Did you know…

The Bible has been translated into Klingon?

 

 

Well, you do now.

Move over Dear Abby….

 

There’s a new kid in town.

( Alright, an old new kid )

Rolling Stone magazine has finally added an advice column and it’s authored by, of all people….  David Crosby.

 

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You remember David Crosby…. from Crosby, Stills and Nash?  ( and Young, if you’re old enough ).

Yes, he’s still alive.

 

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And honestly doesn’t look that much different 49 years later.

 

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I’ve always been a huge CSN ( & Y ) fan …. and I think I’m going to enjoy his no nonsense approach to advice columns as well.

 

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So check out the inaugural outing….

 

You’re never too old to learn…. Knotweed Flutes.

 

It’s time for class!

 

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No worries, there won’t be a test.

Maine Adult Education offers endless opportunities to  shake your head and say WTF? enrich your mind. Last year there were some fascinating topics:

 

You’re never too old to learn…. Spoons.

You’re never to old to learn…. Potatoes.

You’re never too old to learn…. Ukulele

You’re never too old to learn…. Chakra Toning.

You’re never too old to learn…. Mindfulness.

 

And this year started off with a bang as well…

You’re never to old to learn…. Tin Cans.

 

Today’s selection from the  brochure of the bizarre  curriculum is:

 

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Yes, you too can have your very own flute made from a pesky weed in your backyard.

To hell with cutting it down…

 

 

Blow into it and start a band.

You’ll be the envy of your friends, I promise.

 

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And in case you’re unfamiliar…

Japanese Knotweed is a large, extremely invasive plant.

 

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                           actual photo of Japanese Knotweed swallowing small child

 

It’s almost impossible to get rid of once it takes hold, and ironically… cutting only spreads it.

There really is only one reliable course of action available.

 

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So why not take the class…

And make a flute before it swallows you whole?

 

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Say it isn’t so Apple….

 

I just heard Apple is killing iTunes and I’m not happy.

 

 

iTunes and I have spent many happy years together gathering a vast library of music. I’ve happily downloaded the music of my youth, my adolescence, my single years, my married years and my rapidly approaching decrepitude.

I’m invested damn it!

The iPod and I are tight.

 

 

I have the giant one. It holds 40,000 songs and though I haven’t filled it?

I wanted to.

And then I read Apple… in all their infinite  F.U. Tim Cook, you’re no Steve Jobs  wisdom, are breaking iTunes up into different apps and focusing on streaming.

Streaming.

 

 

I don’t want to stream. I want my songs.

My weirdo… no one has ever heard of the band… songs.

The songs I oh so carefully and painfully slowly converted from my 33 1/3 album collection….

(For millennial readers?  33 1/3rd’s are those shiny black discs people bend into bowls and sell at your local flea markets.)

… and the obscure songs I could always find and download from the iTunes store.

Pousette Dart Band’s Yaicha?

 

 

Yeah, I’ve got that.

Moon Martin’s Bootleg Woman?

 

 

Yup. Got that too.

iTunes had everything!

 

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Apple says that our libraries will be safe… if you bought it you can keep it. But will the store be there for future downloads?

 

 

Researching the demise, I found this:

 

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Okay, I run iTunes on Windows…. so I can still breathe.

For now.

But if you need me in the next few weeks? Tough.

I’ll be busy downloading scores of music while I still can.

You know, quality stuff.

Like Ultimate Spinach… and The Flying Burrito Brothers.

 

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Are we really doing this?

 

I saw an advertisement the other day that made me do a double take.

 

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This is one of those times.

Huh?

 

 

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Are we really doing this?

Baby Pod.

“The intravaginal device that entertains your fetus with an insertable speaker for your baby maker.”

 

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It’s basically a small  ( I hope! ) speaker that pregnant women can insert into their vaginas to play music for their uterine inhabitants.

 

Now while I’m usually down for any new tech that hits the market,

And I’ve connected my iPhone to a lot of different things over the years….

I admit this one gives me pause.

Here’s the science behind it:

 

Dr. Marisa López-Teijón from Institut Marquès said that her team studies the influence of music on embryonic and fetal development.”We’ve conducted a study showing that musical vibrations increase the chances that the sperm fertilizes the egg, i.e. that music improves IVF.”

Having found better results in in-vitro fertilization through musical vibrations for embryos, the researchers decided to apply their idea to fetuses.

López-Teijón and her team placed speakers on pregnant women’s abdomens during ultrasounds but found no fetal reaction. “In fact, gynecologists had never observed in an ultrasound a change on the fetus as a reaction to external noises or the voice of the mother,” the doctor explained.

“We decided that we had to bring closer to them the source of sound,” she continued. “We had to bring the background music into the uterus. And I had the idea of inserting a speaker in the vagina of pregnant women.”

 

 

I’m sure Apple Music and Spotify are thrilled.

 

 

 

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For three months, the team evaluated 106 expectant mothers and their unborn babies’ reactions to intravaginal music. “We were pleasantly surprised to see the excitement of parents during ultrasound sessions to see the spectacular images of face, tongue and mouth movements of their babies,”López-Teijón said, adding that most patients wanted to repeat the experience and many more parents-to-be requested to participate.

 

 

I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest seeing spectacular images of their babies faces isn’t the only reason mothers are feeling excitement.

 

 

 

 

 

Admittedly, I don’t have children…. so forgive me if I’m speaking out of turn.

But if this had been available during my child bearing years?

Junior would probably have ended up like this.

 

 

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