For those of you who don’t know, I used to have a blog series called Name That Crap where I would drag some ridiculous old piece of junk out of my husband’s cellar of horrors and make my readers guess what it was.
It was fun, and some of your answers were a riot.
Fast toward to the other day when I saw CNN playing the same game.
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Ancient Roman Name That Crap!
I’m in.
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Let’s do this…
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Not a tool, okay.
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I’m going with Julius Caesar’s personal Rubik Cube.
It was a little too Jurassic Park adjacent for me, but the scientific basis for the novel is valid and quite terrifying.
The Colossal Biosciences https://colossal.com/ company really is five years away from de-extincting a wooly mammoth and the ethical can of worms that opens will be epic. When that process is nailed down? It would theoretically be possible to resurrect Neanderthals as well. A race of hominid that was taller and stronger than us, with a larger brain, better hearing, better sight, an inability to feel empathy and a propensity for violence. Forget the AI robots destroying us, the Neanderthals will do it for then.
On that cheerful note, my last Google search was for the Indricotherium.
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A giant hornless rhino that lived in the Eocene Epoch, 56 to 33 million years ago.
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He weighed 15 to 20 tons and stood 24 foot tall.
Yes, once a dinosaur geek, always a dinosaur geek.
If you have webbed toes or extra appendages please keep that information to yourself.
I’ll start –
I can’t blink or close my left eye separately.
I can close both of them together, sleeping would be a challenge otherwise… and Lord knows I can roll them at my husband when he brings home another piece of yard sale crap…. but I can’t independently close my left one. Never have, never will.
I must have been 3 1/2 because I was born in December and started nursery school early.
I remember all the children had to bring in something to sleep on for nap time. And while the other kids were given a pillow or blanket from home…my mother, being the uber mom she was…. went to FAO Schwartz and purchased a fantastically plush Humpty Dumpty egg shaped rug. It was perfect and I loved it.
I have vague memories of the other children being jealous and trying to take it from me on repeated occasions. Being a shy child, they often succeeded which resulted in my tear stained face and the teacher asking my mother to give me something less grand and envy provoking.
Which now that I think about it was a pretty lousy lesson. How about teaching my thieving little classmates to respect other people’s property instead.
The year was 2015 and it was my first Christmas without my mother. I’m an only child, my father died when I was 15. Losing my mother hit me hard and I was feeling unhinged. Alone. And not at all in the holiday spirit. Decorating the house and hosting my husband’s ungrateful family was more than I could bear…. so I went to a travel agency, told them how much I wanted to spend and asked them to find me something interesting within driving distance.
Which is how we ended up spending Christmas week in the Pocono mountains of Pennsylvania.
We generally like our accommodations out of the way and quiet… and brother, that’s just what we got.
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Welcome to the Pocono Manor Resort. A massive, secluded, surrounded by mountains and rolling hills, giant stone edifice I won’t ever forget.
It was dark and overcast when we arrived. Mountain fog surrounded the grounds and the silence was eerie. No cars in the parking lot, one dim light by the front entrance.
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And while the interior was fully lit and beautifully decorated…
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It was as silent as a tomb.
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A very large tomb.
Built on 3,000 acres in 1902 as a summer vacation residence for wealthy New Yorkers, families lived here for months with no reason to leave. Boasting an 18 hole golf course, tennis courts, a full spa, riding stables, fly fishing pond, indoor and outdoor pools, multiple restaurants, game rooms, library, theater, and it’s very own post office with private zip code… it was a world unto itself.
And when we visited December of 2015?
We literally had the entire building to ourselves.
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No, I’m not kidding. For the first 5 days of our week long stay it was just us … and every time I walked down this hall to our room? I expected to see the twins on tricycles because we were staying at the Poconos version of the Overlook Hotel.
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Yes, there was staff.
Ghostly staff, because you hardly ever saw them.
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We wandered room after room and never encountered a soul.
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Every morning we had breakfast alone, in a room that probably seated 600.
Creepy?
You could say that.
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We sat alone in the theater…
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And watched It’s A Wonderful Life.
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Hoping the lights would come back on when we were through.
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Long, endless, empty hallways with only the sounds of our footsteps for company.
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Ho! Ho! Holy Hell it was bizarre.
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It was a place frozen in time, although it had just undergone a 5 million dollar renovation.
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I never did manage to get a photo of the entire place…
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You couldn’t really, it was too big.
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But it was definitely a magical and quirky way to spend the holiday.
Sadly this amazing place caught fire and sustained substantial damage in 2019.
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(not my pictures)
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It’s been closed since then with various plans to rebuild.
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Horror of all horrors? The latest developer to be interested is the Margaritaville Corporation who want to build a village of tacky housing.
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They say they will “honor the memory” of the Manor but I don’t think plastic palm trees are going to cut it.
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Now it’s your turn.
Share a happy, funny or strange Christmas memory with me.
It’s another Christmas question, so try to get your jolly on.
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When I was a teenager my mother had a close friend she insisted I call aunt though we weren’t related . She was a career woman when women didn’t have careers and rose to a senior position with Time/Life. A wealthy widow with two grown sons, she was extremely intelligent and quite eccentric.
To be honest, she was loaded. Both financially and physically… the old gal liked her scotch.
Having New England roots she was also tight as a tick when it came to spending money. The electric bill could sour her mood for days and she wore clothes that were so threadbare the moths didn’t even bother nibbling. She constantly added milk to chowder to stretch it’s longevity and only went out to dinner if someone else was paying. She cut her own hair, never bought a new car and had drawers full of used tin foil. When she retired she had money enough to travel the world but chose to sit home and clip coupons, waiting for hamburger to go on sale.
But when it came to Christmas? That’s when she really outdid herself. Presents were wrapped in newspaper with leftover butcher’s twine for ribbon. She thought it was fun to give dozens of gifts and watch you squeal with delight when you opened them. Problem was … there was never anything worth squealing about. Quantity not quality made her happy.
Over the years I received toilet paper, toothpaste, tiny bars of soap and shampoo as well as plastic ice buckets. All of which she lifted from various hotel rooms. She traveled a lot for work and the woman never passed up a freebie. I had to say thank you for swizzle sticks, matchbooks and little paper umbrellas. Have you ever pretended to be over joyed with ketchup packets and those little square jelly containers? Trust me, it’s not easy.
So in answer to the question … the weirdest Xmas gift I’ve ever received?
A matching set of barf bags from TWA.
Festively wrapped in the New York Times and the envy of all my friends.
Even though air travel isn’t half as much fun as it used to be.
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It’s odd how much I miss those rubber chicken dinners now that all you get is a packet of dry as toast cookies.
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But while the views out the window can be spectacular, I do prefer driving when it comes to setting your own schedule and stopping at will for local points of interest. Some of the best things we’ve found and seen have been well off the beaten path.
Cruise ships? Never. Floating germ factories crammed full of people with whom I don’t want to converse no less vacation.
Trains? Like them for day trips but no cramped overnight bunks and minuscule bathrooms for this chicka.
While I’m not a huge tv watcher, I do like a variety of series HBO has developed over the years. Every once in a while I can even get my husband interested… which is what happened with Carnivale.
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It was a dark and wonderfully bizarre show that immediately garnered a rabid fan base.
It’s the mid-1930s, and we’re in the middle of the Dust Bowl, a time when sandstorms and disease were running rampant across the Great Plains. After his mother’s death, teenage fugitive Ben Hawkins is picked up by a mysterious traveling carnival run by an unseen force known only as “Management.” Surrounded by magic, Ben reconnects with his long-dormant supernatural powers. Meanwhile, hundreds of miles away, an evangelical preacher is plagued with apocalyptic visions. What the two of them don’t know is that they’re set to become players in the great (and heretofore hidden) battle between Darkness and Light.
We loved it and though it was immensely popular with its followers and slated for six seasons, it was cancelled after just two leaving viewers with an awful cliffhanger and no resolution. When asked, HBO said the reason was falling ratings but I read the religious right took an instant dislike to it and pushed for it’s removal. Funny when you think about all the other shows that are filled with blood, gore and rampant sex.
That’s my pick.
What show do you want to see return?
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Where there's only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.
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