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I live for useless.

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Sadly I don’t pay extra for Apple News, so if you need to know why Fido’s poop is pointing north? You’re on your own. My algorithms already hate me, I don’t need more excrement suggestions.

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Of course she did.

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If one of them is a nice leather hobo with exterior pockets, watch out. I may be scouting you for future harvest.

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I’m not sure I want to know what Lord Dudley Mountcatten is thinking. I have enough trouble sleeping already…

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I have never felt the urge to loose my bowels upon bookstore entry..

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The bathroom is the one and only place I don’t read… so I don’t actually get it.

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