Tag Archives: poop

Let’s Liebster….

 

I’d like to thank the Academy….

 

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The Liebster Award is an award that exists only on the internet and is given to bloggers by other bloggers. The earliest case of the award goes as far back as 2011. Liebster in German means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome.

The award is a way to be discovered but also to connect and support the blogging community. A great idea in promoting your own blog and others. Originally it was given out to blogs with less than 2000 readers but this has slowly lowed as the reward has gained popularity. It is now only 200 readers or less. It’s really an arbitrary number. If you like helping other blogs out go ahead and do it regardless of its size.

 

With thanks to Rebecca Wallick at  wildsensibility for the nomination….. ( I’m not sure sweetest and endearing are the first words people think of when my blog comes to mind, but hey. I’ll take praise where and when I can. )

If you love dogs, natural splendor and stunning scenic photographs, check out Rebecca’s page. She’s got them all in spades.

Onward!

You know the rules… I have to answer questions. Which I shall do with the utmost amount of seriousness.

 

1. What typically is the closest object on your right when you’re writing (not including a computer mouse)?  

You’ll probably be sorry you asked that…  but it’s a poop drone.

 

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And yes, of course it flies.

 

 

 

2. What one-sentence bit of advice would you give to your 13-year-old self?

At 13… I was a shy little thing. Reticent to open my mouth or make my presence known. (Hard to believe, I know) So I would probably tell her…. Dance! Jump off that pier! Sing with the band! Say yes to all the adventures life lays before you and don’t worry so much about what other people think. By the time you’re sitting here blogging about it? It will be too late.

 

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3. Describe your ideal writing space and place (assuming money isn’t an issue).

For me… that would be a treehouse.

A glam treehouse, with a frozen margarita machine and a never ending supply of tequila and limes. Surrounded by nature and the songs of birds, that’s where I’d like to be.

 

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4. What is your most frequent photographic subject?

That changes depending on the season.. and my moods. Lately?

It’s a woodchuck who looks like Jabba the Hut.

 

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5. Favorite quote?

“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”

With….  “I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I’m under the table, after four I’m under my host.”  coming in a close second.

Ole Dorothy Parker knew her stuff.

 

 

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6. What does blogging (writing, and reading) add to your life?

A sense of connection.  It’s like reaching my hand out across the globe and touching people I would never have otherwise met. (And by touching, I’m speaking metaphorically. Don’t call the vice squad.)

7. If you could choose to be any animal for a 24-hour period, which would you be and why?

A wombat.

And I have no idea why.

 

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8. Do you have other creative outlets besides writing?

I used to draw. I used to write poetry. I used to make dried flower wreaths. I used to cross stitch. I used to stamp. I used to paint. I used to dry brush ceramics. I used to do a lot of things. Now… I just take crazy pictures and blog.

And drink.

I drink very creatively.

 

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Amen, Tyrion. Amen.

Okay, now I’m supposed to nominate blogs I think you should discover and make them answer questions as well.

Of course, if you know me… you know my questions won’t be normal. Where’s the fun in that?

So…

 

liveandlethtai at Paul Dance Writer

Clever Girl at Clever Girl Writes

Kathy at KNJ Tales and Snippets

Traveling Drunk With History

Arionis at Just a Small Cog

 

You’re my chosen victims nominees.

 

 

Post these rules:

1. Acknowledge the blog which nominated you.
2. Answer the questions your nominator asked.
3. Nominate two to six other bloggers who might appreciate the boost.
4. Ask them several unique questions.
5. Let them know you have nominated them.

 

And answer these questions –

 

1.  You’re a pigeon newly arrived in Hollywood. Who do you poop on first?

2.  Donald Trump has been impeached. Mike Pence has been trampled to death at a gay pride parade. Nancy Pelosi has resigned her position and run off to Tahiti with a member of BTS. You’ve been chosen to be the next President of the United States. What’s your first executive order?

3.  The Brussels Sprout is a much maligned ( and extremely gassy ) cruciferous vegetable. You run a PR firm and have just been hired to tweak it’s image. Go!

4.  Your lifelong dream of being a stripper has come true. What’s your stage name?

5.  Your cruise ship is sinking and you’ve scrambled onto a life raft only to realize it’s overloaded. What… or who… do you push overboard?  A case of craft beer, your significant other, the oars, a beloved pet wombat, or the ship’s navigator ?

*Note – if you say beer or wombat, you are dead to me*

 

Yes, those really are the questions.

If you were expecting,  “Name the most influential person in your life” or  “What is your favorite memory of childhood”  you’re reading the wrong blog.

We do things differently here.

 

 

Yes, I realize you can’t unsee that.

But if you’re struggling for a stripper name… feel free to be inspired.

I bet you didn’t know….

 

Flying fish and Coo Coo is the national dish of Barbados.

 

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But I did, because….

 

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Did you know….

When CBS broadcast the first ever color television show they were the only ones who actually owned a color television?

 

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Did you know…

The Egyptian hieroglyph for one hundred thousand is a tadpole?

Kind of makes you wonder what they were counting…

 

 

Did you know…

A snallygaster is a mythical dragon like beast that supposedly haunts rural Maryland?

And all this time I thought it was just David Hasslehoff.

 

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Did you know…

Lachanophobia is the fear of vegetables?

Like kale.

That shit is everywhere.

 

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Did you know…

Aztec emperor Montezuma had a nephew named Cuitlahac?

Roughly translated Cuitlahac means “plenty of excrement”.

Clearly Monty’s sister had a sense of humor.

 

 

Did you know…

In Japan, robots pay union dues.

Which answers the age old age question…

Who killed Jimmy Hoffa?

 

Anyone want a cuppa?

 

I read an article the other day about one of the world’s most expensive teas.

Yes, tea.

Those lovely little leaves you drop into hot water and steep.

 

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Pure ambrosia….

As long as it’s not the dishwater my MIL used to drink.

 

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If you’re drinking tea? For God’s sake, drink tea.

I love tea, and am always intrigued to try a new one.

Except the one I read about the other day. It was called PET, short for Panda Ecological Tea. This particular tea sells for $200 a cup….. and if that’s not enough to frighten you away, the fact that’s it’s grown in China and is fertilized entirely with panda poo should be.

Apparently pandas poo 40 – 50 times a day, so I’m guessing supply isn’t an issue.

 

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Grown high in the Ya’an mountainous region of Sichuan China, the panda manure tea—or Panda Ecological Tea (PET) by its formal name—is said to be smooth, and offer health benefits because of the way that pandas digest bamboo in the wild—which leaves around 70% of the nutrients in their dung, not their bodies.

 

Panda manure has also been shown to carry bacteria that break down organic waste more effectively than any other known source. One experiment showed that the bacteria broke 100 kilograms of waste down into 3 kilograms after only a 17 week period, with only carbon dioxide and water byproducts. Researchers think that there is a market for this organic compound capable of reducing waste by 96%, but whether or not organic tea at $200 per cup is the answer, is questionable.

 

Questionable?

Probably.

Although you can’t fault the marketing campaign….

 

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It’s simply delightful.

And while I was researching this topic?

 

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I stumbled across another panda poo product…

 

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A new type of luxury facial tissue made with recycled Panda feces is set to be launched in China.

The bizarre product, called “Panda poo,” will retail at for $6.54 a box, ten times the price of ordinary tissue paper.

Addressing concerns of skeptics who may find it unhygenic to wipe their faces with feces, Zhou said that there are many processes in place to ensure the product is ready for consumption. After washing and streaming, the paper will be sterilized in high temperatures.

 

Panda poo.

Who knew it was so versatile?

 

You know you want one.

 

But we’re the ones who were  cursed by the Lord of Crap  lucky enough to receive a poop drone for Christmas.

 

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I can see you seething….. green with envy.

(Or is it brown in this case?)

 

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Because who hasn’t dreamed of holding a levitating pile of poop in the palm of their hand?

(Okay everyone, including me. But admit it… you’re wondering how utterly horrible truly wonderful it could be.)

Eager to  heave it in the trash  get started, I searched for directions.

 

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There weren’t many… I mean heck, how complicated can poop be?

 

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I admit it was a little disconcerting to have a pile of poop watch me blog.

 

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Especially when it started glowing red.

(Red poop is usually not a good thing…. or so I’ve been told.)

After a short charge, it was ready for a test flight.

And Holy Hell!

That poop can really go.

I was expecting a quiet little puff of air and some marginal movement….

 

 

But that little sucker really takes flight.

And it’s not exactly quiet either…

 

 

Sadly… you can’t control it. The poop has a mind of it’s own.

Which is too bad, because the possible household applications of flying poop are limitless.

Annoying door to door salesmen? Send the drone to answer that incessant knocking.

Unexpected mother in law visit? Program the drone to buzz behind her ear and get twisted in her blue hair as she tells you the proper way to cook her son’s meals.

Neighbor’s dog keeps defecating in your flower bed? When the flying poop rises up behind him he’ll have a heart attack. Problem solved.

Get yours today while supplies last.

Tell ’em River sent you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The after Christmas Christmas… and flying poop.

 

Saturday night found us at our friend’s house… she of the annual weirdo Xmas tree.

 

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By the time we arrived, this year’s forest had sprouted a cat.

 

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There was a small Seussian tree in the dining room…

 

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And shrub Santas by her back door.

 

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The Santas made me smile..

 

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The chipped paint on the steps made me twitch.  (Yes, I literally twitched. The husband had to ask if I was alright.)  **Note to self – buy friend a gallon of paint for her birthday next month**

We drank, had dinner, drank, and exchanged gifts a week late.

 

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Naturally, the exchange made us laugh.

One of my gifts to her is on the left. A crazy lace agate pendant…

 

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One of her gifts to me? On the right….. a crazy lace agate pendant.

This is what happens when you know your friends too well.

And if that wasn’t bad enough?

I gave her husband the new Game of Thrones book…..

 

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Which she then gave to me.

(This was probably funnier after the 3 margaritas and 1 raspberry martini I had, but you get the idea.)

And then….

Then my husband opened one of his gifts.

And I almost fell off the chair.

Remember my recent blog about poop products?

Oh, yes…

 

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We are now the envy of our neighbors and have a Hovering Poop drone of our very own.

 

 

Don’t be jealous.

You know there will be a blog totally devoted to this very soon, and I will share the joy.

Because really.

How can I not?

 

 

Let’s talk about poop.

 

( Bet you’re wishing I was still on vacation, eh?)

I was Christmas shopping with a friend the other day and we noticed a disturbing trend…

 

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I passed off the first sighting of a poop themed gift as a fluke.

 

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But then I saw this…

 

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And this.

 

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And while I admit a hovering pile of poop drone might be inventive, even slightly creative….. I can’t honestly say I want one flying overhead anytime soon.

I also do not want to stack, or write with poop.

 

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And if that just wasn’t enough poop to satisfy you…

How about some pink girly poop?

 

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Made all the more disturbing by the cryptic packaging.

What the hell is going on there….

Is that a mouth with teeth?

Are you supposed to chew the poop?

Or is the poop coming out of the nostrils?

 

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Right.

And mind you these were not seen in toy stores, where at least a fondness for poop could be explained….but in adult sections of book stores and various department stores in the mall.

Anyway you look at it, it’s disgusting. Or at the very least… childishly stupid. I gave up potty humor at age 4, you should too.

I know the world may seem like it’s going down the toilet lately, but this is one gift giving idea I hope gets flushed.