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It took me decades, but I’ve finally found an appropriate use for tofu.
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And yes, this is actually a thing. Your cat can now do what you’ve always wanted to when presented with curdled soybeans. Look how proud this cat is to piss on it!
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Of course this feline doesn’t look very pleased.
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But personally, if I could poop on the revolting stuff? I’d be a very happy camper.
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After thoroughly whipping my other half in a marathon Scrabble session in the barn last weekend, I took a good look around.
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And realized what an amazing storage building filled with absolute crap ….
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To seriously alcohol–centric man cave transformation we had wrought.
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Yay us.
And to this glorious rustic palace of play? I added a few new things.
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Because if there was ever a more perfect place for my fully operational spastic poop drone… I don’t know where it could be.
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To the bar, I added an acrylic box of appropriately themed cocktail napkins.
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Each more true than the last.
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Alongside the napkins there are now swizzle sticks.
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Some are shaped like twigs in honor of their origin.
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And some are shaped like jazz hands… because it’s just delightfully creepy.
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And since no man cave with a bar should be without them?
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Hair spray and a comb to repair follicle damage the walk from our wind blown house wreaks on my unruly tresses.
And if you’re cringing over that addition gentlemen?
Viola!
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I also added a plant.
Granted, it’s a just small succulent…. but I believe my eventual takeover of the premises is progressing quite nicely.
😈
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The World Wildlife Fund’s symbolic adoption continues.
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Cute candidates abound but you know this fellow will be left out in the cold.
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No one will want to cuddle up with him on the couch. That dude needs a serious manicure.
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Honey Badgers get a bad rap and sure, they’ve been known to viciously kill humans… but I’d still rather adopt one of them than Honey Boo Boo.
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Most people find condors to be ugly birds, but come on…. he’s rocking that feather boa. It’s not an easy look to pull off.
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And finally there’s the wombat, a much maligned creature. Sure he poops square cubes and has a two pronged penis….. but hey, none of us is perfect.
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For those friends who like to play in the dirt?
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Pencils. They’re not just for chewing anymore…
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I thought this next one was cute.
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But realized I might be attacked by that hungry red squirrel bitch and had to pass.
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Yoga dice?
How am I supposed to play craps if a winning roll is downward facing dog.
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I see the appeal here.
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We’re building a barn bar and the husband has been known to tick me off.
Hmmm..
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Because an internal kind message will take the sting out of an F Bomb gift.
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And finally there’s jewelry.
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Because no woman can resist a man who gives her turd themed bling.
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I don’t know if this is true…
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But I’m really hoping it is.
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Baby Yoda cocktails? Fabulous. Telling me about them and not posting a recipe? Cruel.
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And since we’ve all had enough of the last election horror show?
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Wilbur is pretty stinking cute. And when’s the last time you said that about a presidential candidate?
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Poop cookies.
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Admit it, you know someone who deserves a dozen or so of those.
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I thought maybe we’d seen the last of her.
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But no, she was out back stealing chopped up deer apples yesterday.
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She was back on the patio table.
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And there’s only one reason for that. Do you know how sick and tired I am of finding small pieces of rotted apple every time I sit down?
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And then of course there’s the poo.
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She leaves it there on purpose, I know it.
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And may I just say, sipping from puddles of rain water filled with your own poo?
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Not the least bit appetizing.
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And please note… in that last picture? She is literally pooping. Am I a great photo journalist or what!
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I do. Even though I’m sure you’d rather I didn’t.
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Yes, this exists. Though I think they’re wrong about the Olympic event.
And if you’re thinking…. that’s great River, but I don’t really care for cereal?
I’ve got your back.
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Pooping Champion Gummies.
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And tea.
You’re welcome.
But if that’s not enough to get you excited about this oh so helpful product? Visit their website and check out the fabulous club you can join.
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Now tell me you don’t want to be a card carrying member of that!
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The husband was scrolling through the Direct TV guide the other night, searching in vain for something worth watching.
And try as I might, I couldn’t convince him this was it.
Think of all the blog fodder I missed!
They’re back.
And they’re everywhere.
Momma red squirrel and her babies.
They’ve grown and are venturing out.
The new wider deck railing is a favorite spot for eating snacks. And while it’s cute, there’s a problem.
Or should I say multiple little problems. Squirrel poo is now dotting the landscape where we enjoy adult beverages.
And this is a new favorite perch.
I did laugh the other day when one of them climbed on the bracket and saw what he thought was a tasty glob of food.
Only to taste it and discover it was Vaseline to keep the ants off the hummingbird feeder.
Take that you tiny poop factory!
I’d like to thank the Academy….
The Liebster Award is an award that exists only on the internet and is given to bloggers by other bloggers. The earliest case of the award goes as far back as 2011. Liebster in German means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome.
The award is a way to be discovered but also to connect and support the blogging community. A great idea in promoting your own blog and others. Originally it was given out to blogs with less than 2000 readers but this has slowly lowed as the reward has gained popularity. It is now only 200 readers or less. It’s really an arbitrary number. If you like helping other blogs out go ahead and do it regardless of its size.
With thanks to Rebecca Wallick at wildsensibility for the nomination….. ( I’m not sure sweetest and endearing are the first words people think of when my blog comes to mind, but hey. I’ll take praise where and when I can. )
If you love dogs, natural splendor and stunning scenic photographs, check out Rebecca’s page. She’s got them all in spades.
Onward!
You know the rules… I have to answer questions. Which I shall do with the utmost amount of seriousness.
1. What typically is the closest object on your right when you’re writing (not including a computer mouse)?
You’ll probably be sorry you asked that… but it’s a poop drone.
And yes, of course it flies.
2. What one-sentence bit of advice would you give to your 13-year-old self?
At 13… I was a shy little thing. Reticent to open my mouth or make my presence known. (Hard to believe, I know) So I would probably tell her…. Dance! Jump off that pier! Sing with the band! Say yes to all the adventures life lays before you and don’t worry so much about what other people think. By the time you’re sitting here blogging about it? It will be too late.
3. Describe your ideal writing space and place (assuming money isn’t an issue).
For me… that would be a treehouse.
A glam treehouse, with a frozen margarita machine and a never ending supply of tequila and limes. Surrounded by nature and the songs of birds, that’s where I’d like to be.
4. What is your most frequent photographic subject?
That changes depending on the season.. and my moods. Lately?
It’s a woodchuck who looks like Jabba the Hut.
5. Favorite quote?
“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
With…. “I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I’m under the table, after four I’m under my host.” coming in a close second.
Ole Dorothy Parker knew her stuff.
6. What does blogging (writing, and reading) add to your life?
A sense of connection. It’s like reaching my hand out across the globe and touching people I would never have otherwise met. (And by touching, I’m speaking metaphorically. Don’t call the vice squad.)
7. If you could choose to be any animal for a 24-hour period, which would you be and why?
A wombat.
And I have no idea why.
8. Do you have other creative outlets besides writing?
I used to draw. I used to write poetry. I used to make dried flower wreaths. I used to cross stitch. I used to stamp. I used to paint. I used to dry brush ceramics. I used to do a lot of things. Now… I just take crazy pictures and blog.
And drink.
I drink very creatively.
Amen, Tyrion. Amen.
Okay, now I’m supposed to nominate blogs I think you should discover and make them answer questions as well.
Of course, if you know me… you know my questions won’t be normal. Where’s the fun in that?
So…
liveandlethtai at Paul Dance Writer
Clever Girl at Clever Girl Writes
Kathy at KNJ Tales and Snippets
You’re my chosen victims nominees.
Post these rules:
1. Acknowledge the blog which nominated you.
2. Answer the questions your nominator asked.
3. Nominate two to six other bloggers who might appreciate the boost.
4. Ask them several unique questions.
5. Let them know you have nominated them.
And answer these questions –
1. You’re a pigeon newly arrived in Hollywood. Who do you poop on first?
2. Donald Trump has been impeached. Mike Pence has been trampled to death at a gay pride parade. Nancy Pelosi has resigned her position and run off to Tahiti with a member of BTS. You’ve been chosen to be the next President of the United States. What’s your first executive order?
3. The Brussels Sprout is a much maligned ( and extremely gassy ) cruciferous vegetable. You run a PR firm and have just been hired to tweak it’s image. Go!
4. Your lifelong dream of being a stripper has come true. What’s your stage name?
5. Your cruise ship is sinking and you’ve scrambled onto a life raft only to realize it’s overloaded. What… or who… do you push overboard? A case of craft beer, your significant other, the oars, a beloved pet wombat, or the ship’s navigator ?
*Note – if you say beer or wombat, you are dead to me*
Yes, those really are the questions.
If you were expecting, “Name the most influential person in your life” or “What is your favorite memory of childhood” you’re reading the wrong blog.
We do things differently here.
Yes, I realize you can’t unsee that.
But if you’re struggling for a stripper name… feel free to be inspired.
