Tag Archives: poop

You know you want one.

 

But we’re the ones who were  cursed by the Lord of Crap  lucky enough to receive a poop drone for Christmas.

 

IMG_1908

 

I can see you seething….. green with envy.

(Or is it brown in this case?)

 

IMG_1910

 

Because who hasn’t dreamed of holding a levitating pile of poop in the palm of their hand?

(Okay everyone, including me. But admit it… you’re wondering how utterly horrible truly wonderful it could be.)

Eager to  heave it in the trash  get started, I searched for directions.

 

IMG_1909

 

There weren’t many… I mean heck, how complicated can poop be?

 

IMG_1911

 

I admit it was a little disconcerting to have a pile of poop watch me blog.

 

IMG_1916

 

Especially when it started glowing red.

(Red poop is usually not a good thing…. or so I’ve been told.)

After a short charge, it was ready for a test flight.

And Holy Hell!

That poop can really go.

I was expecting a quiet little puff of air and some marginal movement….

 

 

But that little sucker really takes flight.

And it’s not exactly quiet either…

 

 

Sadly… you can’t control it. The poop has a mind of it’s own.

Which is too bad, because the possible household applications of flying poop are limitless.

Annoying door to door salesmen? Send the drone to answer that incessant knocking.

Unexpected mother in law visit? Program the drone to buzz behind her ear and get twisted in her blue hair as she tells you the proper way to cook her son’s meals.

Neighbor’s dog keeps defecating in your flower bed? When the flying poop rises up behind him he’ll have a heart attack. Problem solved.

Get yours today while supplies last.

Tell ’em River sent you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The after Christmas Christmas.

 

Saturday night found us at our friend’s house… she of the annual weirdo Xmas tree.

 

IMG_1886

 

By the time we arrived, this year’s forest had sprouted a cat.

 

IMG_1897

 

There was a small Seussian tree in the dining room…

 

IMG_1882

 

And shrub Santas by her back door.

 

IMG_1879

 

The Santas made me smile..

 

IMG_1881

 

The chipped paint on the steps made me twitch.  (Yes, I literally twitched. The husband had to ask if I was alright.)  **Note to self – buy friend a gallon of paint for her birthday next month**

We drank, had dinner, drank, and exchanged gifts a week late.

 

IMG_1887

 

Naturally, the exchange made us laugh.

One of my gifts to her is on the left. A crazy lace agate pendant…

 

IMG_1888

 

One of her gifts to me? On the right….. a crazy lace agate pendant.

This is what happens when you know your friends too well.

And if that wasn’t bad enough?

I gave her husband the new Game of Thrones book…..

 

IMG_1890

 

Which she then gave to me.

(This was probably funnier after the 3 margaritas and 1 raspberry martini I had, but you get the idea.)

And then….

Then my husband opened one of his gifts.

And I almost fell off the chair.

Remember my recent blog about poop products?

Oh, yes…

 

IMG_1908

 

We are now the envy of our neighbors and have a Hovering Poop drone of our very own.

 

 

Don’t be jealous.

You know there will be a blog totally devoted to this very soon, and I will share the joy.

Because really.

How can I not?

 

 

Let’s talk about poop.

 

( Bet you’re wishing I was still on vacation, eh?)

I was Christmas shopping with a friend the other day and we noticed a disturbing trend…

 

IMG_1729

 

I passed off the first sighting of a poop themed gift as a fluke.

 

IMG_1723

 

But then I saw this…

 

IMG_1727

 

And this.

 

IMG_1725

 

And while I admit a hovering pile of poop drone might be inventive, even slightly creative….. I can’t honestly say I want one flying overhead anytime soon.

I also do not want to stack, or write with poop.

 

IMG_1724

 

And if that just wasn’t enough poop to satisfy you…

How about some pink girly poop?

 

IMG_1726

 

Made all the more disturbing by the cryptic packaging.

What the hell is going on there….

Is that a mouth with teeth?

Are you supposed to chew the poop?

Or is the poop coming out of the nostrils?

 

t8fzm5Yp

 

Right.

And mind you these were not seen in toy stores, where at least a fondness for poop could be explained….but in adult sections of book stores and various department stores in the mall.

Anyway you look at it, it’s disgusting. Or at the very least… childishly stupid. I gave up potty humor at age 4, you should too.

I know the world may seem like it’s going down the toilet lately, but this is one gift giving idea I hope gets flushed.