Okay, so I wasn’t really on a diet.
(That’s a four letter word in our house…. and one I try to refrain from using. It’s vulgar and quite upsetting.)
But I was trying to watch what I ate lately so as not to frighten any holiday party goers I haven’t seen all year. Nothing like an abominable snowman waddling into your Christmas soiree to put the evening off kilter.
The culprit?
These.
(…and let me preface it by saying I had never eaten a Ding Dong before in my life.)
(Stop snickering. You know what I mean.)
But I skipped lunch and went grocery shopping hungry last week….
(Shut up Justin, I know that now.)
And grabbed the first high calorie, sugary sweet, instant gratification I could find.
OH. MY. GOD.
I had one on the way home.
And one after dinner that night.
And yes, one for breakfast the next morning. Don’t judge.
At first I wanted to rail at all my friends for never telling me of it’s high fructose chemically enhanced goodness.
I was in a sugar induced haze.
Where had it been all my life?
But then, when I’d finished half the box and could hardly walk past the cabinet without salivating, (I swear I heard them calling me by name)
I realized –
I was hooked by white crack!
I saw my future. A 350lb addict walking the streets with a 3 a day habit, shaking from sugar withdrawal and Jonesing for a fix. Accosting perfect strangers, begging for a taste. It wasn’t pretty.
So I heaved them in the trash then and there. And took the trash out to the garage before I changed my mind.
Heed my warning friends… don’t be tempted.
Run… don’t walk, past the White Fudge Ding Dongs on your grocer’s shelf.
Don’t be taken in by their siren song, wear ear plugs if you must.
Ignore my advice at your peril.
There’s only room for one abominable at every party, and it’s going to be me.
River's world..... 
I’m sure I’m probably in the minority, but I think those look gross. I’ve never liked store bought cupcakes, especially with any kind of filling.🤮
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Me either! They’re awful…. which is why this was blog worthy. I swear the damned things cast a spell on me as I walked by.
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Those things are sooooooooo bad for you without even thinking about the sugar. SO processed it isn’t even real food. Stay away my young beautiful svelte friend!! Stay away!!
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Svelte? Not in many a moon…. but yes. Keep thinking that!
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It’s that weird ass artificial creme. Weird mouth feel, funny smell, peculiar taste.. but you just have to have a second, and a third. Bizarre. I don’t like them at all but if ‘im indoors brings home a pack of something plastic in a moment of weakness I will eat them too against all my better judgement.
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You know it’s wrong. But you do it anyway….
I swear they lace those things with heroin so you’ll keep going back for more!
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Yup. Stuff ‘Fake news’ we’re too full of fake cake!
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That’s the way I am with carrot cake!!!
By the way if I wasn’t a gentleman I could tell you the sure way that you would never eat a ding dong, ring ding or whatever in the future but I am.
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And I appreciate your restraint…..
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*shamefully adding an item to my grocery list*
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You’ll be sorry.
But not right away!
😉
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White Fudge Ding Dongs? I have never seen those before. Thanks for the warning!
And good for you tossing them in the trash. I hate to throw away food, but un-food is un-cool and therefore OK to throw away.
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You’ve never seen them before, and I never want to see them again!
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There’s also room for one smarty-pants at every party, and that’s me (because I recognize the football-running guy as Harold Lloyd in a scene from the 1925 silent film THE FRESHMAN…and, no, I wasn’t around at the time (even though I may look like it).
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5 points for you! I thought I’d be the only geek who knew that.
😄
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G’girl. I went through a serious Hostess cupcake phase when I was nursing. It had no effect on my figure, but there comes a time when anyone can see there is a PROBLEM so I stopped buying them — but let’s be clear, I think about them sometimes.
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Ho Ho’s have always been my go to guilty pleasure. I purposely turn my head when I walk by them in the store.
Ho Ho’s.
Ding Dong’s.
Who names these things?
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And the sugar industry knows…
***
Half as sweet as coke
Half as bitter as crack
And if you get hooked baby
It’s all the industry’s fault –
So try not to do it!
***too much of anything, is bad…
Yeah, I should even take my OWN advice.
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Too much of anything… except margaritas, right? Surely that can’t be a bad thing.
😉
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I lost 30 pounds last year after being diagnosed as diabetic. My A1C dropped to 5.1 and they were going to take me off the medication. Then it was a hard, hard winter and I stopped walking. Then Mom died. Then the forest fires were so bad it was unhealthy to be outside. So, all the weight came back and by sugar is through the roof. So I am exercising again and the weight is coming off very slowly and very hard and it has done shit for my sugar. I’m about to say screw it and go on a Hostess Cupcake binge too.
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The older I get the harder it is to lose…. and the less I care. Thankfully it’s not a health issue for me, just vanity.
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