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Things I will not be giving my husband for Valentines Day this year.

42 Comments

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Have you ever looked at ads for products and thought, that can’t be real?

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Jerky flower bouquets for the special man in your life?

No way.

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Way.

And they’re not exactly giving them away either.

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The Ball Hammock.

Yes, my Facebook algorithm is back to its old tricks just in time for the holiday. Will I be buying my husband a rocket to put in his pants?

No.

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I will not be asking him to release the Kraken either.

Well, not that one anyway.

And finally the last gift I won’t be buying him…

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Ball therapy.

Just…. no.

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42 thoughts on “Things I will not be giving my husband for Valentines Day this year.”

  8. Ahh facebook. A place of advertising daymares. I hope my fb account never finds that bit of algorithm. I already have a profound dislike of fb and I am not sure I could tolerate it diving any deeper. I need to go in search of a bottle of psyche saver scotch.

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  11. Mmmm … think one of my posts disappeared … so hopefully not being redundant …

    If on has any any doubts as to whether you are dealing with a real man, offer him a jerky posies. If he glances around and sticks them in his back pocket, he gets the Ernest Hemmingway award. If he eats them, get him a pair of rocket crotches. He has no shame anyway.

    Release the Karaken? Maybe after tequila shooter night at La Cantù Cantina, but I still wouldn’t cop to it sober …

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    1. I like this… the real man test. But $89 plus shipping seems a little steep. Maybe I can make my own arrangement from that packet of turkey jerky that’s been on the gas station check out counter for the last 3 years. Might as well rate his intestinal fortitude while I’m at it.

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  13. I must profusely thank you for the fact that your image of the video for the ball therapy mess did not actually link to said video. I don’t think I could have survived what might have happened if it did… 😉

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  14. I just read your “About Me” page. We have a lot in common. I agree with SO much of what you expressed about yourself. We share many common interests.

    Did your hubby retire as a Staff Sergeant or did he grab another rocker? I was married to The Corps for 12 years. I belonged to a Master Sergeant (Mortarman, Embassy Guard, SIGINT) for a while. He managed a 30+ year career before we split (much of it in the Reserves). We rode a Vulcan for years in Central Texas.

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    1. Husband had split time after Vietnam which really hurt. He got out as a Sgt and re-enlisted as a Pfc. Then towards the end of his career, his MOS was frozen for 5 years. So he retired as a Gunny which ticked him off to no end. He was # 1 on the promotion board Marine Corps wide but burned out his time in grade. In hindsight we should have fought it, but it brought us back here and now he’s set to retire from another government job so life is good.
      😊

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      1. Ah, geez…Gunny…two rockers. SSgt. is one. DUH. I knew that. That’s what I get for typing at 3a.

        Yeah. I remember the ex talking about freezing/locking MOSs. Made it hard to get billets.

        Mine retired out of the Reserves. 2006. That meant he couldn’t see his pension until he turned 60…2016. That really pissed him off.

        Glad things are good!

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  15. If I were still on the market and someone bought me a beef jerky bouquet instead of flowers, I’d say they’d be in with a chance.

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  17. Yeah yeah i’I’m late, but maybe I’m early. Doctor Squatch is pretty good soap, if a little pricey, but I really like the knife in the first pic. That really says “Love ya, bebb.” Cathy got me a beautiful Japanese chef knife last Valentine’s day and I use it practically every day. Same with soap, but I’m not as picky.
    Speaking of Squatch, have you visited the International Cryptozoology Museum in Portland? If not, then get in your car and go NOW. The space shuttle skivvies will someday be “retro” (Like retro rocket…see how I did that?) but the turkey neck drawers are only ever going to be gross and disgusting. Great post. It’s lots of fun shuffling around in the archives.

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      1. Geez, man, of course it’s stupid. That’s what makes it awesome. I love it when people cling to beliefs they can’t defend. And the life size (?) Sasquatch is beautiful. The lady who was there was very nice so I didn’t give her a hard time, like I would my sister. If you keep your expectations nice and low, it’s a lot of fun and there’s a really good burrito place down the street. Ten TV’s and they’re all playing the Wizard of OZ. I swear to GAWD, it’s like Asheville, only bigger.

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