Tag Archives: marriage

Floating shelves that don’t float and non existent outlets.

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Now that the bar construction was complete, it was time to outfit it. And while we’re still waiting for the chairs and wall shelves to be completed….. I wanted some shelving inside the bar for glasses and various drinking paraphernalia.

Enter the floating black shelves I found.

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If you’ve never put up floating shelves? I don’t recommend it. They look and sound lovely…. though they’re anything but for the poor schmuck who has to install them.

And I think we all know who my poor schmuck is.

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Two shelves and two hours later, my other half was less than pleased with my choice. He was even less pleased when I told him I would be buying two more.

Moving along…. the mini beverage fridge was slid into place.

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And plugged in.

Although that didn’t go well either.

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Considering the electrical outlet is on the opposite wall. This is something the husband didn’t contemplate when he bought the fridge and though I did…. I kept quiet and let him discover it all on his own.

I’m thoughtful that way.

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( The electrician will be here in two weeks to add outlets. )

And one more thing… while reading the instruction booklet for proper beverage cooling procedure? I had to laugh.

( read marked lines )

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Something tells me this unit was not made in the good ole USA.

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Let the games begin.

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So now that we have a comfortable, heated and (well stocked with beer) man cave, it was time to get down to some serious board game playing. Covid social restrictions make multi player games like Pictionary and Cards Against Humanity a no go, so we searched for something fun to play with two people.

The husband won’t play Trivial Pursuit or Gin Rummy with me anymore because I wipe the floor with him every time. So we tried a game a friend had given us last year as a gift.

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Simple enough, you finish the lines from various categories… music, literature etc.

We played three games and I skunked my other half three times. Even though I gave him music questions from his favorite song.

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So we moved on to a classic, Scrabble.

It wasn’t an easy start and we didn’t have a lot to build from.

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My task was made even more difficult with letters like these.

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And these.

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And then these.

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But after a marathon four and a half hour game?

I won…. and my husband was pickled.

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If there’s an award for the world’s most patient wife…

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I should win it.

Hands down.

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Because I’ve been looking at this mess for…. count them…. 37 frickin’ days.

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This giant load of useless crap was belched from my husband’s closet in the den on December 8th when he needed to climb up in the attic.

I didn’t bitch, it was a necessity.

And since he had the next 30 days off work because he didn’t take any vacation in 2020, I figured he would deal with it at his leisure.

I was wrong. So very wrong.

I didn’t bitch a week later when it was still there.

But two weeks later? I was bitching silently in my head.

Three weeks later? I was bitching in my sleep.

Four weeks later? I was bitching opening while plotting his slow, but quite painful demise.

It’s only today, 37 frickin’ days later, the day before he goes back to work….

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That he decided to deal with it. Of course it’s not a matter of simply putting things back in the closet. No. That would be too simple. Instead, each and every item must be fully examined and then brought to me for the desired but never realized “Gee, that’s swell. I wish you had 6 more just like it!” response.

Then he leaves the item in front of me with hopes that I’ll look it up and find it’s worth thousands of dollars.

FYI? The Moosehead beer mirror my husband knew was a vintage bar collectible?

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Turned out to be a carnival prize worth $10.

As I type he’s knee deep in a stack of tattered Look magazines from the 60’s.

This clean up may take a while.

Another 37 days is not out of the realm of possibility.

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*Update – 5 hours later? The room is still littered with crap and there’s a ladder in the hallway.

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Good times.

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The end might be in sight.

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No, not my marriage. Though after the year long storage barn to man cave extraordinaire remodel you’d be well within your rights to think that.

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No, I’m speaking of the actual bar construction . The interior has been walled in….

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And after being given 2 coats of stain and 2 coats of polyurethane… the top is looking pretty spiffy.  (Our contractor elf says he wants 3 more coats of poly and sanding just to be safe.)

So the next question was, what to do with the inside walls. Stain? Paint? Leave bare? We love the black accents scattered throughout the room so we gave black a moment’s thought…. and held up a black sheet to get a visual.

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But the way the bar is laid out, you’d only see a small portion of black as you walked in the door, so it didn’t balance.

And with that much stain on the bar, I just couldn’t see trying to match it. So for now we’re leaving it bare.

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And besides, the mini fridge will be in there.

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Here? The husband’s choice.

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There?  My preferred spot.

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But most likely here.

Because after he settled it in that corner? He informed me his next purchase will be a kegerator… which will be placed right in the middle.

(Remember when I said I wasn’t talking about the end of my marriage being in sight?

I may need to rethink that.)

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I should have known it was coming.

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He already bought the big screen tv.

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And the microwave and the coffee maker.

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He bought the full size refrigerator and is building a bar.

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So is it any surprise he made me go shopping for a mini beverage fridge to put behind that bar the other day?

No. It is not.

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Things got quickly out of hand when he was looking at these….

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At $1,200 per unit.

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But I managed to reign him in and only come home with the one on the left… which, while not a total victory? Was still something to celebrate.

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Back in the Barn Mahal…

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It was recently brought to my attention that our barn was in need of comfortable seating in which to kick back after a vigorous session of drinking. And to that I say…

I’m way ahead of you.

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Okay, so it’s actually just the porch furniture we store inside every winter… but I’m thinking come spring, when it heads back outside? Two leather club chairs with a small table in between.

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Husband hung a few appropriate signs behind the (soon to be bar) the other day.

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Armpit lemon? Remind me not to over indulge in Puerto Rico.

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no sewing required  spot was found for the husband’s assorted patches.

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And a few more photos were carefully hung… while standing on a safe.

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As you can see, I have arrived … and finally been given representation in the man cave.

Yay me.

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A magnetic bottle opener was installed on the staircase.

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And a recent antique store purchase was displayed.

It’s time for Name That Crap!

What is it?

(Kerry, you be quiet. 😉)

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That was not at all helpful.

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Remember the tree house our neighbors built?

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The one right at the edge of their property line… even though they own 20 acres down to the water?

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The one I was glad was nestled behind a few trees with leafy camouflage?

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Well, there’s my husband cutting down each and every single branch that provided relief from prying little eyes.

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Not at all helpful.

Not one damn bit.

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He loves me.

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And I love him.

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Which is easy to do when he has things like this delivered for my birthday a while back.

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Our local florist does lovely arrangements.

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But it’s a bit of a challenge when every time they ask my husband what colors I like, he tells them green.

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And since green flowers are rather rare, I tend to get a lot of predominantly white bouquets.

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Still pretty, and I’m not complaining.

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But.

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🤣 🤣 🤣

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What fresh Christmas Hell is this…?

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Since the husband and I usually travel for Christmas, I haven’t done decorations for years. Wreaths in the windows, a few snowflake lights on the barn and a Charlie Brown tree on the table was as much enthusiasm as I could muster this season.

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And when you’ve been married as long as we have (37 years in a few weeks) presents aren’t a big deal either. We’re lucky enough to buy what we want, when we want (and he still doesn’t know my taste in jewelry) so we took a pass on that as well.

There is however one gift that keeps on giving.

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Yes, after a prolonged absence in which I continually prayed for her earthly demise…

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She was back on Christmas Eve. Looking for a way into the house.

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And taunting me…

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The little bitch.

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So if she comes down the chimney wearing a Santa hat today? I won’t be held responsible.

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No. It most definitely is not…

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Last minute Christmas gifts for the weirdos on your list.

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For those friends who like to play in the dirt?

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Pencils. They’re not just for chewing anymore…

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I thought this next one was cute.

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But realized I might be attacked by that hungry red squirrel bitch and had to pass.

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Yoga dice?

How am I supposed to play craps if a winning roll is downward facing dog.

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I see the appeal here.

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We’re building a barn bar and the husband has been known to tick me off.

Hmmm..

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Because an internal kind message will take the sting out of an F Bomb gift.

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And finally there’s jewelry.

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Because no woman can resist a man who gives her turd themed bling.

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