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While most people will be out shopping for romantic cards, flowers, chocolate and/or thoughtful gifts for the holiday … I offer an alternative for those with something other than love in their hearts.
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Huntress… I think this has your name written all over it.
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Cry Me a Cockroach sounds perfect for your ex.
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And for those who live in the Northeast…
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You’re welcome.
❤️
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We’ve all said “Oh, you really shouldn’t have” when someone does something nice for us or gives us a gift. It’s an automatic response, though what we really meant to say is …I wasn’t expecting this. But thanks, I’m glad you did!
But when a friend of mine gave me a gift the other day? Out of nowhere, for no reason, just because? It was a lovely gesture and of course… I said, “Oh, you shouldn’t have.”
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But when I opened it…
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I realized I actually meant it this time.
She really shouldn’t have.
Poo paper. Note taking will never be the same.
🤣
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We love our local. It’s not a fancy place just a small rustic pub where, like Cheers… everyone really does know your name. The business is owned by two men… one cook, one bartender and I’m sure it would come as no surprise to either that their decor leaves a bit to be desired. The building is old, built at the turn of the century and the pub room is entirely wood. The few decorative items displayed are vintage Maine… an old sled, some snowshoes etc. A year ago I framed a collection of antique postcards of the town as a gift. Since then my husband has been sputtering about donating something as well. So…
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We went shopping. In the basement. I avoid this part of our house like the plague due to the mess, the clutter and the absolute lack of organization. Truth be told I start twitching after even limited exposure… but I endured, for the pub’s sake.
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The husband was all for giving them random junk but I said no. It had to be something Maine… or at least bar related.
This is what I chose:
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A nice pair of vintage wooden skis.
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And an antique wooden whisky crate. Perfect… right?
Wrong.
As I was cleaning the cobwebs and wiping off years of accumulated dust, the husband looked up the items online. Wooden skis in good shape can fetch a premium price in Maine as summer people like to decorate their vacation homes and cabins, so when he found a similar pair listed for $550? He changed his mind about letting them go. The crate? $55-70 … so it went in his I may sell this at a flea market pile.
Sorry local pub, no gifts for you today.
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In my continuing attempt to bring you all the weirdest products and gift ideas on the planet … may I introduce the raindrop cake?
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Imagine serving that at your next dinner party.
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My mind is apparently a very dark place, because when I first saw this picture? I didn’t think mountain climbing.
Nope. Not even close.
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I’ll say this just once. If you’re buying me a birthday gift? A Christmas gift? Or worse yet a wedding anniversary gift? It had better not be a box of vegetables.
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And if you do, this product might be coming your way shortly after.
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Men? I’m going to give you a little free advice so listen carefully.
I believe I speak for all women when I say we don’t want this.
We don’t this for our birthdays. We don’t want this for our anniversaries. And we definitely don’t want this for Valentines Day.
Uh uh.
Nope.
No way.
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The fact that this abomination is listed as “low in stock” is proof positive men are basically clueless gift givers and will benefit enormously from reading my blog.
Please spread the word.
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In a previous post I shared photos of the lamp my husband gave me for my birthday. And though I have no reasonable explanation why it should be so… that was not the first lamp I’ve received for the occasion.
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It started with this ridiculously expensive hand done reverse painted Fenton. It’s pretty, if a little froo froo for my taste.
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A few years later? Another froo froo reverse painted frosted glass lamp.
Did we require more bedroom lighting? No.
Did I have the heart to tell my husband I wasn’t overly thrilled with these floral ( and paisley! 😳 ) gifts? Again, no.
But somehow he got the hint and no girly lamps were given for at least 5 years. Because that was when he switched to stained glass.
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A definite improvement, but one must ask…
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How many lamps does one girl need?
And mind you, every time I receive one of these low level, don’t use a high wattage bulb or you’ll damage the shade! gifts I have to remove the existing enough light to read and not bump into furniture lamps. So basically, our home is a dimly lit cave.
Traverse at your own risk.
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God help me, this one looks like a giant fish scaled helmet.
I try to hide it behind a plant.
* Note to self – buy bigger plant. *
I’d like to tell you that’s all of them.
I really would.
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I’ve never been able to figure out the point of this exercise, but what the Hell.
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What am I getting for Christmas this year?
Pancakes, a hooker and hair.
An interesting combination to say the least.
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So what are you getting?
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Yes, I took another trip around the sun this month. Nothing to celebrate at this point in my life, but I woke up to a (not so) subtle gift reminder all the same.
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The large box was a present from my husband, from my very favorite store. They sell high quality handmade jewelry, pottery, art, crafts etc. and every trip we take there includes a round of oohing and ahhing . I rarely buy anything for myself as the prices make me swoon, but the husband makes a yearly pilgrimage… and who am I to complain? 😉
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This year’s gift was a fabulous mesquite wood lamp with hazed copper cut out shade.
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Both sides are inlaid with turquoise veins and it really is a lovely piece.
(If you’re wondering just how lovely? Here’s a similar lamp from the same company with much less turquoise on their website.)
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Yeah. That lovely.
😳
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Needless to say I love it, and shall enjoy its light for many years to come.
The original birthday plan was to hit my favorite restaurant for dinner, but Mother Nature said no by melting the snow and dropping a solid afternoon’s worth of sleet and ice.
Alternate plan?
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Pizza and beer in the man cave…
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With a stellar game of whip your husband’s ass with a double letter Q in ‘quay’, a triple score ‘quiz’ and an almost superfluous ‘zeal’ for a total of 102 points Scrabble.
A very happy birthday indeed.
🤣
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I should have known this was coming. It’s the Christmas season and that can only mean one thing to my Facebook algorithms…
A veritable ball wash cornucopia.
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Holiday balls.
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And assorted ball related gifts….
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I can honestly say I know more about ball hygiene products than I ever dreamed possible.
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And I hate to be the one to tell you..
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But Jolly Jewels are a no go, as in… sold out.
Better luck next year.
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In July we ordered a pool table. We were told it would take approximately 8 weeks to arrive.
They lied.
As the months passed, I began wondering if we would see it this calendar year… but on Monday they called and said they could deliver Thursday.
At this point my husband broke into an impromptu happy dance and made plans to gift our old (ugly ass, low quality… but hey, it was free) table to the friend who’d been hinting he wanted it.
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This was the gifted table that served as inspiration for the storage barn to man cave transformation.
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And while I do love the resulting Barn Mahal, I can’t say I’m sorry to see it’s wobbly, chipped and worn out butt go.
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Did I mention it was heavy?
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Really, really heavy. Not to mention awkward to maneuver.
So while the men were struggling to move it across the room, yours truly had an idea.
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A plant pot roller.
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Pure genius if I do say so myself.
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It rolled across the floor, out the door, across the porch..
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And right into the truck…
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On its way to the sweet little old man who comes over to play with my husband most Sunday afternoons. He’s a widower… and is putting the table in his living room.
Which, if he wasn’t a widower, would probably result in him living alone from the divorce anyway.
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And yes, those are the pillows off our guest room bed being used for cushioning. The husband took them without telling me… bringing him one step closer to divorce.
😉
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River's world..... 