Tag Archives: gifts

Let there be light.

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In a previous post I shared photos of the lamp my husband gave me for my birthday. And though I have no reasonable explanation why it should be so… that was not the first lamp I’ve received for the occasion.

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It started with this ridiculously expensive hand done reverse painted Fenton. It’s pretty, if a little froo froo for my taste.

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A few years later? Another froo froo reverse painted frosted glass lamp.

Did we require more bedroom lighting? No.

Did I have the heart to tell my husband I wasn’t overly thrilled with these floral ( and paisley! 😳 ) gifts? Again, no.

But somehow he got the hint and no girly lamps were given for at least 5 years. Because that was when he switched to stained glass.

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A definite improvement, but one must ask…

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How many lamps does one girl need?

And mind you, every time I receive one of these low level, don’t use a high wattage bulb or you’ll damage the shade! gifts I have to remove the existing enough light to read and not bump into furniture lamps. So basically, our home is a dimly lit cave.

Traverse at your own risk.

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God help me, this one looks like a giant fish scaled helmet.

I try to hide it behind a plant.

* Note to self – buy bigger plant. *

I’d like to tell you that’s all of them.

I really would.

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Happy birthday to me.

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Yes, I took another trip around the sun this month. Nothing to celebrate at this point in my life, but I woke up to a (not so) subtle gift reminder all the same.

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The large box was a present from my husband, from my very favorite store. They sell high quality handmade jewelry, pottery, art, crafts etc. and every trip we take there includes a round of oohing and ahhing . I rarely buy anything for myself as the prices make me swoon, but the husband makes a yearly pilgrimage… and who am I to complain? 😉

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This year’s gift was a fabulous mesquite wood lamp with hazed copper cut out shade.

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Both sides are inlaid with turquoise veins and it really is a lovely piece.

(If you’re wondering just how lovely? Here’s a similar lamp from the same company with much less turquoise on their website.)

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Yeah. That lovely.

😳

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Needless to say I love it, and shall enjoy its light for many years to come.

The original birthday plan was to hit my favorite restaurant for dinner, but Mother Nature said no by melting the snow and dropping a solid afternoon’s worth of sleet and ice.

Alternate plan?

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Pizza and beer in the man cave…

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With a stellar game of whip your husband’s ass with a double letter Q in ‘quay’, a triple score ‘quiz’ and an almost superfluous ‘zeal’ for a total of 102 points Scrabble.

A very happy birthday indeed.

🤣

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Ho! Ho! Oh So Happy Balls….

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I should have known this was coming. It’s the Christmas season and that can only mean one thing to my Facebook algorithms…

A veritable ball wash cornucopia.

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Holiday balls.

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And assorted ball related gifts….

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I can honestly say I know more about ball hygiene products than I ever dreamed possible.

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And I hate to be the one to tell you..

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But Jolly Jewels are a no go, as in… sold out.

Better luck next year.

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And to think it only took 5 months…

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In July we ordered a pool table. We were told it would take approximately 8 weeks to arrive.

They lied.

As the months passed, I began wondering if we would see it this calendar year… but on Monday they called and said they could deliver Thursday.

At this point my husband broke into an impromptu happy dance and made plans to gift our old (ugly ass, low quality… but hey, it was free) table to the friend who’d been hinting he wanted it.

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This was the gifted table that served as inspiration for the storage barn to man cave transformation.

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And while I do love the resulting Barn Mahal, I can’t say I’m sorry to see it’s wobbly, chipped and worn out butt go.

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Did I mention it was heavy?

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Really, really heavy. Not to mention awkward to maneuver.

So while the men were struggling to move it across the room, yours truly had an idea.

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A plant pot roller.

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Pure genius if I do say so myself.

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It rolled across the floor, out the door, across the porch..

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And right into the truck…

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On its way to the sweet little old man who comes over to play with my husband most Sunday afternoons. He’s a widower… and is putting the table in his living room.

Which, if he wasn’t a widower, would probably result in him living alone from the divorce anyway.

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And yes, those are the pillows off our guest room bed being used for cushioning. The husband took them without telling me… bringing him one step closer to divorce.

😉

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Please don’t buy me this for Christmas.

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Admit it, over the years you’ve received some truly awful holiday gifts. No matter how well intended, that 1,001 Uses For Fruitcake recipe book sucked.

So this season instead of making a list of the things you want?

Make a list of the things you don’t.

I’ll start…

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I don’t want a set of cat butt coasters with strategically placed pink dots. Nope.

Not now, not ever.

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Santa’s Sweaty Sack?

Santa is everywhere this time of year, but perhaps we should try to reduce the trauma to our children and leave his odiferous sack out of the equation.

But topping the list of things I don’t want for Christmas?

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Urinal shot glasses.

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That gift is a sure way to get yourself barred from the man cave.

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Gifts no one wants.

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If you’re looking for that perfect Christmas gift? For God’s sake, don’t look here.

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A crocheted octopus hat? While I admit the side view is impressive, I can’t think of a single friend who would actually wear it.

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Men? I’m going to speak for all women when I say we don’t need you to amplify your junk. You’re entirely too proud of it already.

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Be still my heart.

An affection erection?

And they say romance is dead.

🤣

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It (unfortunately) never disappoints.

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Gather round boys and girls…. September’s Cosmo, aka the worst gift subscription ever, is here.

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On first glance I thought maybe, just maybe…. I could flip through it without being stunned this month.

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Yeah.

No such luck. And as I’ve said before, I’m no prude… but the in your face sexual content of this magazine never fails to surprise me.

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Greatest sex position. Wouldn’t that be a personal choice?

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Not according to Cosmopolitan.

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And… apologies, but I’m not going to discuss the Venus butterfly technique. Cosmo did, so if you’re curious, get your own friend to give you a year’s worth of this trash.

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Someone thought these were a good idea…

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Do I love a good baked potato? Of course… please pass the butter. But do I need someone’s face on my tater?

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I definitely do not.

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Best gift ever? Clearly some people don’t know how to shop.

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Whaaaat?

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Let’s wrap our minds around the idea of someone actually applying for a patent for water soluble panties in a can.

🥴

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They’re right. I love cats… but I do not love that. Not even close.

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