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News you can’t use.

32 Comments

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Because regular news is so depressing these days.

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I heard the rat is now drinking Bud Light and filing for unemployment while living in his mother’s basement. His podcast is scheduled to go live next Saturday.

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Because everything needs an update, even Jesus.

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I’m on the fence with this one. Please try it for me and report back.

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Is it a shoe? Is it a bag? What’s going on here….

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Cheese in individual plastic wrappers is not cheese. It’s orange dyed rubber and should be banned from kitchens everywhere. Do yourself a favor and make your grilled sandwich from a nice Gruyère or Vermont cheddar. Your taste buds will thank me.

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32 thoughts on “News you can’t use.”

      1. Extra sharp cheddar, if you can still find any. Our last source disappeared with Covid. Somewhere is a warehouse full of aging cheese, but no one knows because all the relevant people died! If found, it will be a gold cheesemine.

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      3. Never knew that. You can ship me some anytime you like. But you have to wrap it in odour-proof packaging. Canada Post employees are known to steal anything that smells like cheese, except perhaps limburger — which they refuse to deliver.

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  4. I also read that the rat has qualified for Medicaid in California, has been afforded “protected minority” status, and has changed it’s identifier to “Panda” because everyone likes Pandas.

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  6. I think the rats with the implanted human brains became politicians.
    People should just let Jesus speak for himself
    Waffle eggnog? What is wrong with eggnog? Yeesh. What’s next? Pumpkin spice eggnog?
    Not a real fan of bitter cheddar with the exception of grating it into a salad. The plastic stuff I’ll eat in a pinch, but I sure do like my munster, even if it is stringy …

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  8. I think the Jesus ads are pretty spot on. The more fundamentalist his followers are, the more they need to pay attention to them.
    I’ll make a grilled cheese out of any kind of cheese, if it’ll melt. What I won’t ever, EVER use is any kind of margarine. I like American cheese but I prefer the deluxe kind that was sliced off of a block.
    The shoes would probably be good for keeping hitchhikers out of your shoe, but at what cost?
    I put Maker’s Mark in my egg nog and I’m pretty sure our eggo making friends don’t. And “Appalachian sippin’ cream”? Don’t answer that.

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  10. I love American cheese…and I live in Wisconsin. So much so that I blogged about it once. Haters gonna hate, and that’s fine: more for me! (P.S. it actually is real cheese, as opposed to Velveeta. I save my ire for that processed log o’ crap.)

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