Tag Archives: cheese

News you can’t use.

November 7, 2022 Rivergirl 32 Comments

Because regular news is so depressing these days.

I heard the rat is now drinking Bud Light and filing for unemployment while living in his mother’s basement. His podcast is scheduled to go live next Saturday.

Because everything needs an update, even Jesus.

I’m on the fence with this one. Please try it for me and report back.

Is it a shoe? Is it a bag? What’s going on here….

Cheese in individual plastic wrappers is not cheese. It’s orange dyed rubber and should be banned from kitchens everywhere. Do yourself a favor and make your grilled sandwich from a nice Gruyère or Vermont cheddar. Your taste buds will thank me.

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Random nonsense.

February 19, 2022 Rivergirl 16 Comments

A jellyfish martini glass?

Yes please!

I may be speaking for myself, but a good Camembert does more for my soul than Jesus ever has.

Why did I ever stop drinking lemon drops? A recent visit to our favorite restaurant found me sitting next to two women of a certain age, one of whom was celebrating a birthday. They were drinking lemon drop martinis, so I did as well. It’s all about solidarity.

Best name for a spaghetti sauce, ever.

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Things you might need, or not.

May 17, 2021 Rivergirl 11 Comments

If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll know I love cheese. And soft ripened French cheese? Ooh la la!

But Camembert cheese potato chips? Be still my ~~artery clogged~~ heart!

If not for the fact that these are probably laden with chemicals and enough sugar to sweeten a lemon grove…. they might be fun.

Wow. This has got to win the ugliest lamp ever award.

And disappointingly, just when I was thinking of ordering one as a gag gift…. I read a bunch of comments saying it was fake.

I love steampunk, but judging from the price on their website I’m guessing they’re right.

Damn. It might have looked great on the bar.

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Things I like today.

May 6, 2021 Rivergirl 23 Comments

I like flipping through magazines and finding cocktail recipes.

Mmm…. this sounds refreshing. Needless to say I shall be adjusting the required alcohol amounts. 3 tbsps of gin? Bitch, please.

I like finding a decent cat food Lord Dudley Mountcatten will actually eat.

Three ingredients, you can’t beat that.

In other news, I like cheese.

Tell me you haven’t felt the same way. Go ahead… I dare you.

If you’ve never tried Mrs. Meyer’s cleaning products you really should. Their scents are marvelous. Basil, geranium, honeysuckle, bluebell and the latest… fresh mown grass. Ooh la la! If it wasn’t so soapy I swear I’d use it as perfume.

And finally, I like Dudley’s laissez faire attitude when it comes to dining. If the human puts your dinner in front of you when you’re lying down? Why bother getting up….

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My only question is … why?

February 21, 2021 Rivergirl 21 Comments

I like tea.

I like beer.

I don’t want my tea to taste like beer or my beer to taste like tea… so, why?

The best liquid ever?

I beg to differ.

Good grief, it’s not even alcoholic… what’s the point?

And here’s another puzzler I saw in the grocery store snack aisle.

No cheese cheesiness?

No.

Just, no.

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Say it isn’t so.

January 31, 2021 Rivergirl 22 Comments

I dealt with the toilet paper shortage.

I survived the run on flour.

But the newest Covid related tragedy might just tip me over the edge.

Yes, boys and girls…. our fettuccini Alfredo is about to put a bigger dent in our wallets.

God damn you Corona virus! Isn’t it enough you’ve made a trip to the hardware store seem like a big day out?

Leave my cheese alone!

*She says as she allots more money in the budget. Who needs those pesky prescriptions anyway?*

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Did you know….?

January 7, 2021 Rivergirl 16 Comments

It’s true, I do.

Did you know…

Russian men who wore beards during the reign of Peter of the Great were required to pay a special tax?

For his sake, I hope the rate was per beard and not per hair.

Did you know…

John Lennon’s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles?

I feel like I should comment on that, but it would probably go south quickly so I’ll refrain.

Did you know…

Reindeer have glands between their toes? They leave scent trails for the herd to follow and, wait for it –

It smells like cheese.

I don’t know about reindeer, but I’d follow the scent of cheese anywhere.

Did you know…

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain?

Sorry big guy, but yes. It’s true.

Did you know….

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great historical king. Spades – King David. Clubs – Alexander the Great. Hearts – Charlemagne. Diamonds – Julius Caesar.

Did you know…

According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the most difficult tongue twister is :

The sixth sick Sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick.

That didn’t look so hard, until I tried to say it a few times.

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Only in America

September 6, 2020 Rivergirl 50 Comments

I read something the other day that literally made me snort.

It was a list of people’s thoughts on visiting the United States for the first time…. and what they found unusual.

Here are a few.

I dare you not to laugh.

Because really…

Sometimes you need more from 7/11 than a raspberry Slurpee.

Well, we do like to super size things.

Including our hips, thighs and waistlines.

That’s so true you don’t have to laugh.

Also true.

And before your uber patriotic fingers start typing hate mail… we’re a family of veterans, I love my country. But you have to admit, we are very in your face about it.