Tag Archives: family

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Rest In Peace Uncle Donny.

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We were told my husband’s cousin would call us. We thought it would be to lift the ridiculous no family visitors ban he’d implemented at Uncle Donny’s bedside .. but we were wrong.

When he finally did call and leave a message?

It was to tell us his father had passed.

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Uncle Donny.

When we lived in North Carolina he would visit once or twice a year. Our cat Bubba instantly adopted him.

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He was a Vietnam vet with over 20 years in the Air Force. An honest and decent man.

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Seen here with his sister, my husband’s mother.

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If you needed money to pay your rent? Uncle Donny.

If you needed someone to help you move? Uncle Donny.

If your child needed school clothes, a car, college tuition? Uncle Donny.

He was a lovable goofball with a big generous heart.

Though I hold him personally responsible for my spouse’s addiction to yard saling and filling our cellar with crap, I also have fond memories of trolling flea markets with him and enjoying his childlike glee when he would find a “treasure”.

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Rest In Peace Uncle Donny.

You were, quite simply…. a good egg.

And will be deeply missed.

💔

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Not unexpected, but still sad.

37 Comments

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We visited my husband’s uncle in the hospice last week. He was in good spirits…. laughing and joking with the nurses.

When we visited yesterday? We were met by a nurse who said we weren’t allowed in his room and then ushered into the chapel.

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We were told to wait here for someone to come talk to us.

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We waited and a woman we hardly knew, someone my husband’s uncle called ‘niece’ but wasn’t actually related, came in to inform us the uncle had taken a turn for the worse a few days before and was totally unresponsive. The end being near, his son was flying in that day from Florida and left instructions no visitors were to be allowed.

Needless to say we were beyond shocked.

Barred from seeing him. Barred from saying goodbye.

It was all I could do to stop my husband from storming the beachhead.

Since the son is legally next of kin and has power of attorney, the facility listens to him. There was nothing we could do.

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Except cry.

I did a good bit of that.

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And the sadness keeps on coming…

33 Comments

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Since we’ve been emotionally overwhelmed and beyond busy with my SIL’s situation over the past month… other things have taken a back seat. And though I hate to admit it, that included visits to my husband’s elderly uncle. We’d been going once a week to visit, bring groceries and run errands but hadn’t done anything other than call in three. And then the other day, we found that his phone had been disconnected.

A visit to his house found it locked up tight, blinds drawn and truck missing.

A few frantic phone calls later….

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We arrived at the V.A. hospice facility.

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A huge campus with a pond and strolling flocks of Canada Geese. And unlike a lot of Veterans Affairs hospitals, a complex with an excellent reputation and amazing care.

It was here that we found my husband’s soon to be 91 year old uncle.

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A recent trip to the emergency room revealed he is riddled with bone cancer and has a mass on his lung.

He won’t be going home.

But honestly? He’s alright.. and has made his peace. He was in good spirits, joking, telling old stories and flirting with the hot and cold running nurses who are catering to his every whim.

This place is amazing.

Private rooms with a fridge, microwave and Bose sound system.

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A large menu. Room service food whenever you want it. An ice cream and dessert cart that goes door to door like the Good Humor truck.

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The high tech bed has Wi-Fi and a USB port.

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With multi colored light reflections on the floor.

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They even hooked up a DVD player and brought him John Wayne movies.

The staff is kind, compassionate and go out of their way to make him as comfortable as possible.

Losing a loved one is never easy, but he’s in a wonderful place and being well looked after. He’s a widower with one son who lives in Florida… so we’re going to do our best to visit as often as we can.

❤️

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Move it! Part three…

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The destination for our caravan of furniture, household items and basically all the rest of my SIL’s unclaimed worldly goods was here.

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The charity rummage sale at our local town hall.

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We missed the regular donation hours by a mile but the kind ladies that are organizing the sale opened the building for us late in the afternoon.

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After giving them 3 truck loads full of things from our cellar last week , and then these three loads… I’d say they’re going to have a very profitable sale this year.

By the time we were through carrying it all in the hall, we were literally through as well. Hot, tired and thirsty.

And you know what means.

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A trip to our local pub… where we bought everyone drinks and a meal as a way to say thank you. We even talked the rummage sales ladies who don’t drink into a drink.

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😉

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Move it! Part two…

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A little background info.

When the hospice facility did an assessment on my SIL and determined she didn’t “rate” that level of care anymore, the search for a nursing home bed began. We were assured she could stay at the hospice until one became available, but they neglected to mention the bill would have to be privately paid from that moment on.

Our poor niece has been carrying that (pay in advance) $500 a day burden for weeks. When she said she was already $10,000 in, we realized we couldn’t let her pay the $1,000 fee The Dump Guys were going to charge to haul away the remainder of things in her mother’s apartment.

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So we filled my husband’s truck.

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We filled the apartment complex’s dumpster.

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And we filled a friend’s truck and trailer. Then we made arrangements to donate the whole lot.

But first, a much needed moment of laughter.

There were three bottles of Bud Light left in the refrigerator, and after pinning a stray rainbow earring on a friends shirt in celebration of the now hated beer, we smiled for the first time all day.

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Even our niece, who doesn’t drink… and had just broken down in tears after seeing all her mother’s things ready to leave for the last time… smiled.

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Love… not to mention laughter … really are the best medicines.

💕

To be continued…

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Move it! Part one…

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My husband’s sister is now in a nursing facility and sadly, will never be going home again . With the state taking all but $40 a month of her income to cover the (insane!) cost, emptying her apartment and canceling all her subscriptions, accounts and services went to the top of her daughter’s list.

For us, this meant enlisting the help of a few friends and lending a hand. Physically, and emotionally.

It was a hard day.

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Our niece’s fella just had shoulder surgery and was down to one working arm, but was there pitching in as well.

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The apartment was on the third floor and the absolute farthest from the elevator.

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Yes. That’s a giant stuffed tiger… for which I have no reasonable explanation.

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After a few hours of moving furniture? I swear that hallway got longer.

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And the elevator? Smaller.

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This foldable cart from Amazon was a life saver. The amount of weight it held was surprising.

To be continued….

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Life finds a way.

47 Comments

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Since I dumped a rare personal feelings blog about my SIL on you recently, I thought it only proper to offer an update.

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Unbelievably and against all odds, she’s still at the hospice. Relatively alert, and though weak as a new born kitten, starting to regain her appetite.

I can’t stress how remarkable this is. She was literally on her way out. We saw it, the doctors were waiting for it and yet here we are two weeks later and they say she doesn’t require further hospice care and will be moved to a nursing home soon.

I’d say this is good news but sadly it’s not. She wants to die. She keeps telling everyone we should have let her go. She has completely lost the will to live and takes no joy in anything.

We visit 2-3 times a week and tell her we love her. We bring her favorite foods and try to lighten her mood. I send her a photo of better and happier days every morning. We’ve had long, deep, emotionally draining talks, but I’m at my wits end how to help.

Maybe I can’t.

Maybe I should just stop trying.

I hate to say it, but she’s so sad and miserable maybe it would have been better if she had just slipped away.

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Hospice trees.

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If you’ve ever visited a hospice house, and I hope you haven’t because the sadness can be overwhelming, you’ll know that extra care is taken in the decoration. There are usually multiple rooms with comfortable furniture, soothing colors and thoughtful artwork.

The hospice in which my SIL currently resides has a thing for trees.

I suppose it’s a tree of life theme…which considering the circumstances seems appropriate. There’s a lovely quilt which greets you upon entry.

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And a beautiful stained glass door to a private room for grieving families.

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There’s no real reason for my posting this, we’ve just been spending a lot of time here so I thought I’d share.

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So much sadness….

51 Comments

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I don’t usually blog about deeply personal things, but the past week has been tough and my heart is too heavy for the usual fluff today.

It started with the death of one of my husband’s coworkers. An unexpected heart attack. He was 52.

The next day we learned an old childhood friend of my husband’s had passed from the cancer he’d been battling for years. Not unexpected, but still sad. He was 71.

We’ve also been helping to care for my husband’s elderly uncle who still lives alone at 91. His mind is strong, but his body is failing and he’s unable to do everyday things. We do his grocery shopping, run his errands and clean his house… and while I know he appreciates the help, he also gets very cranky with the invasion of his personal space. He really needs nursing home care now and though it’s not unexpected… it’s been sad seeing the slow decline of health of a once vibrant man.

But the situation that’s broken me is my SIL. A big hearted, funny, generous to a fault, deeply troubled woman who’s suffered from depression all her life. An unhappy childhood, an abusive marriage, a bitter divorce and a diagnosis of MS in her late 40’s led to a deep slide into alcoholism and opioid addiction. After trying to kill herself in 2010, we took her in and she lived with us for a year. We got her off the booze, the drugs and the cigarettes. We put over 30lbs on her frail frame, got her substance abuse counseling and psychiatric help and shared what she always tells people was the best year of her life. We gave her love and a fresh start and felt good about setting her up in a nice little apartment. But left to her own devices, the last 12 years have been a slow road to self destruction. Isolating herself from friends and family and smoking two packs a day led to COPD and emphysema and a total dependence on oxygen. Somewhere along the line she gave up on life and though we tried to help numerous times, you can’t save someone from themselves. Now… at barely 80 pounds, she’s dying in a hospice facility. We visited her yesterday and the literal husk of the woman we saw there broke both our hearts.

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It is.

But damn, it’s a hard price to pay.

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