.
Trust me, you really can’t.
.
.
See?
That’s the very definition of useless news.
.
.
Man, I hate when that happens.
.
.
I admit I’m out of touch enough that I had to look up what hosing glizzies even was.
.
.
I can’t imagine any drugged fueled high being worth that. .
.
.
Government efficiency.
No more free Kit Kats for you!
.
.
Did she?
I think the jury is still out on that one…
🥴
.
.
I only have one thing to say.
Grow up gentlemen.
.
.
We love our nightly skunk visitors.
We enjoy watching them run across the lawn, jostle for buffet position and happily nibble their evening meal.
What we don’t love is the gifts they leave behind.
.
.
Or the order in which they leave them.
.
.
Following and removing the poo trail isn’t an every day occurrence…
.
.
But it does make me wonder why they can’t simply squat in one place.
.
.
🥴
.
.
To infinity, and beyond…
.
.
I have to say this first one surprised me.
.
.
Where’s the beef?
.
.
Striking isn’t it?
.
.
Why are northern men taller than southerners?
Do grits stunt your growth?
This next one is for a particular blog friend who is moving to Wisconsin…
.
.
You’re welcome.
.
.
I lived in North Carolina for 17 years and passed cotton fields every day. Had no idea Texas was cotton country though.
.
.
A very sad map indeed.
😰
.
.
I thought a little local news from the land of lobster would be a refreshing change of pace.
.
.
This sounds perfectly reasonable to me, but then … I live here.
.
.
This was during that awful hot and humid spell. It was in the mid 90’s and the man was sitting on a metal roof. I don’t know what kind of drugs he thought were hidden in that chimney, but he was up there all day.. so they must have been doozies.
.
.
A friend of mine saw this.
I’m glad I didn’t.
.
.
If you live in a town called Big Moose Township?
Moose road hazards shouldn’t come as a surprise.
😥
.
.
We did a thing the other day.
.
.
We bought a new tv.
Our old set was stupid, in that it was not smart and couldn’t stream. This never mattered much because our internet is glacially slow out here in the country… and the tvs in the bedroom and the Man Cave/Barn Mahal are smart. But the powers that be are finally running fiber optic lines down our road and we will soon hook up to Fidium.
All praise high speed!
That meant it was time to say goodbye to the 20 year old HD stupid set.
.
.
My husband thinks he’s going to sell it at a yard sale but the only thing to do with old tech these days is use it as a boat anchor… so I doubt it.
He tried to put it the box the new set came in but couldn’t even manage to get the stand off.
.
.
So there it sits by the front door. Upside down with the stand sticking up.
What a deal.
But I digress…
We arrived at Best Buy with me having done my research. I wanted a 50 inch Samsung and had a nice one picked out. Great quality picture and sound, under $500.
But I took the husband with me and that was a big mistake.
We didn’t come home with that one.
No.
We came home with this one that was three times the price.
.
.
Why?
Because a salesman snagged my husband before I could buy the other one and starting extolling the virtues of their top tier products.
.
.
Does my husband have any idea what all that means or why he needs it?
He does not.
But have it, he does.
Rushing home to try out his new toy he found a detailed pictorial guide on how to take it out of the box…
.
.
But nothing else. No booklet, no manual, no set up instructions.
Nada, zip, zilch.
.
.
The stand was a 3 piece nightmare that hides the power cord, if you line it up properly. Which he didn’t manage until the fifth try.
.
.
His Lordship was on hand to help of course.
.
.
There. Television on a stand.
It was at this point he turned it over to me because tech is not his friend and he had absolutely no idea how to turn it on no less install and format things.
Can’t say I blame him, they don’t make it easy these days.
Remember when you just used to plug it in? No programming required. Now there are passwords, and usernames, and codes,… I had to set up a damn Samsung account just to access the stupid thing. Twenty minutes into that horror show it was time to pair our Directv remote with the television.
And that’s where it went off the rails.
.
.
Yup. Did that. And the second number did the trick. Or so we thought.
Until we tried to watch tv that evening and only a few buttons worked. On/off, volume and mute were fine. Nothing else responded. This is the kind of thing that drives me batty. I spent a solid hour on the internet trying to find a solution. I reset and reprogrammed, I tweaked and twiddled to no avail. Then I broke down and did what I hate to do.
I called Directv customer support.
After 15 minutes of bypassing AI, I got a real live human. (Or at least I think I did.)
She took me through all the steps and fixes I’d already tried … then told me they would mail us a new remote because ours seemed to be scrambled.
Great.
So while we wait for that, we have a brand new $1,500 tv that’s basically stuck on one channel. Only some of the numbers on the remote work, and not every time.
Good times.
And Best Buy?
They were really helpful and sent this email the next day…
.
.
Too late.
We already had our moment.
🥴
.
.
It’s useless, but so am I most days.
.
.
And I thought the only thing buried in the Meadowlands swamp was dead mobsters…
Huh.
.
.
$200k per…?
Not sure that’s what I’d call a deal.
.
.
And so it begins…
.
.
Self preservation is probably something we shouldn’t have taught it.
😳
.
.
Hang on Texas.
Life is about to get… buggy.
.
.
I refuse to blame the Camembert…
.
.
Oh good.
Something else to look forward to.
.
.
My pickle algorithm seems to be ramping up again and along with disgusting recipes for pickle soup and pickle cupcakes I saw this…
.
.
I was unaware Pittsburgh was pickle crazy before reading this article.
.
.
But I must say, they seem to have embraced the briny green spear with a disturbing enthusiasm.
.
.
Why do I get these ads?
😳
.
.
After my recent medical fiasco?
That made me snort.
.
.
I’m middle ground least common.
How about you?
.
.
My new garden bed is starting to fill in…
.
.
But I wish the woodchucks hadn’t eaten all my mid summer blooms. So much for strategically timed planting.
.
.
The geraniums are doing well.
.
.
I was a bit late getting these in due to my mystery illness, but they’re flourishing now.
.
.
Our Japanese Spirea surprised me this year by branching off in white on the right side.
.
.
It’s always been solid pink…
.
.
But not anymore.
.
.
Close up of its fuzzy blooms.
The bees love it.
.
.
And yes, that’s one entirely too chill red squirrel.
.
.
Because playing is more fun than working.
.
.
Lord Dudley Mountcatten?
Please.
The Royals do not work.
.
.
They are worshiped and served.
How about your pet?
What’s their human equivalent job….
.
.
My husband went to Lowe’s for some weed wacker string the other day.
.
.
So of course he came home with a new $800 battery operated lawn mower.
.
.
Oh, it’s fancy.
.
.
Multi speed self propelled motor, dual blades, telescopic adjustable handle…
.
.
So fancy it took him 15 minutes to figure out how to start it.
.
.
There’s so much extra tech… it came with three instruction manuals.
And neon green mulching blades.
And a detachable cell phone carrier.
It even has a cup holder.
🥴
.
.
I told him it looked like a Tesla.
He was not amused.
.
.
There was a learning curve and it took him a little while to get used to it. But then he was off and running…
.
.
To he honest, I don’t think he loves it as much as he thought he would.
Not that he’d ever admit it.
😉
And no, He doesn’t push mow our whole back lawn. Just around the house, garden beds, barn and tighter spaces.
.
River's world..... 