Tag Archives: humor

We are beyond disappointed.

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Remember my fabulous birthday gift to my husband this year?

The chance for him to live his dream of attending the taping of an Antique Roadshow?

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Well, the bastards didn’t choose our entry.

My husband won’t be able to stand in line for hours clutching his beloved treasures. He won’t be able to meet the Keno brothers, or chat up Kevin Zavian. Even though I sent in our form the day after they announced, even though my husband is their number one fan.

Damn them.

My guy is inconsolable.

😰

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Newport – Day 3…. The Breakers finale and a fabulous Irish pub.

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Finishing our tour of the top floor we strolled across the upper loggia.

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It was a semi outdoor sitting room.

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Filled with wicker furniture, rugs and potted palm trees in its day.

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The ceiling is a continuation of the painted sky from the great hall.

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Looking out…. you can see the waves breaking over the cliffs that give the house its name 30 feet below.

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Here’s the husband taking a picture of the servant’s stairs.

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The kitchen was large and extremely workable.

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Which is a good thing considering the size of the dinner parties they had to cater.

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Here’s the separate two story butler’s pantry that housed the china. Because why have one 50 piece pattern… when you have the space for 20? The family’s 1,000 piece monogrammed Tiffany silver was kept here as well. In the locked safe. Away from the possible sticky fingers of the 40 person staff.

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Here are some exterior photos of the house.

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The sun was hard to avoid so pardon the rays here and there.

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We visited the Breakers once, decades ago in the summer… and the grounds were lovely.

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Me, in 1989, tan and thin.

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Husband in 1989, still active duty and thin.

In March 2025 things were mostly brown.

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World’s largest bird bath?

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I can’t imagine having this type of wealth.

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Or living in this type of home.

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But it sure was fun to wander around and pretend we did.

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We spent the entire morning here and were famished by the time we were through. Reading in the brochure about a cafe on the grounds, we brought our appetites.

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Only to discover the elaborate building had no kitchen, just bottled drinks in a cooler and bags of chips.

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Bit of a let down, that.

After battling the crowded Thames Street waterfront…where there were ample restaurants but no parking, we drove a little farther and discovered Zelda’s.

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A wonderful Irish pub favored by locals.

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Nautically themed…

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With an anchor chain serving as bar foot rail…

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We happily settled in for lunch.

My cocktail of choice?

PRICKLY PEAR SPRITZ

RUFFINO PROSECCO, FRUITFUL PRICKLY PEAR, ELDERFLOWER LIQUOR, FRESH LEMON

Perfection!

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And ooh la la.

A weird selection for an Irish pub… but their shrimp and grits was da bomb. They were fried, which was also weird, but everything was perfectly cooked and spiced. Tender shrimp, creamy cheesy grits, I was a happy camper.

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There’s a very large Irish presence in Newport. Most of whom are ancestors of the original indentured servants brought over to serve the wealthy and build their fabulous summer homes. The robber barons are gone, but the Irish remain. And because of that….you’re never very far from a decent pub.

😊

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Can you hear my husband groaning from there?

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The search has begun.

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Yes, we’re finally breaking down and shopping to replace our…. are you ready for a shock?…. 39 year old mattress.

We bought a seriously high end Stearns and Foster mattress in … gulp! … 1986 and it has served us faithfully for a very long time. We’ve flipped and rotated for decades but it’s finally gasped its last breath and needs to go.

Have you shopped for mattresses lately?

It’s a whole new world.

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Aireloom… handmade, beloved by Ronald Reagan who put them in all White House bedrooms, and firm enough to make me happy.

The prices however, did not.

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Stearns and Foster firm? My second choice but about the same price.

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Serta firm? Not firm enough and I was beginning to feel like Goldilocks. Please note the husband’s thrilled expression that we were making the rounds of furniture stores again.

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And speaking of furniture, if we’re replacing the mattress…

Perhaps it’s time to replace the 39 year old bedroom set as well. Problem is our old set is solid mahogany and, well… solid. Today’s bedrooms? Not so much.

Unless you buy Amish.

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If they can hold a horse…

(PS… that bureau wasn’t $750, just the mirror which is sold separately)

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What’s that strange pillow on the sectional couch we walked by?

A pet bed of course.

🤣

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After a full day of shopping with no decisions made, my husband was ready for alcohol… and to be honest so was I. Lying down on mattresses that cost $6,000 plus will do that to a girl.

Spiced pear margarita and calamari to start.

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Grilled chicken harvest salad with goat cheese, apples and butternut squash for the husband.

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Haddock sandwich and seasoned fries washed down by a cranberry Paloma for me.

The search continues..

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Newport – Day 3…. more of that little summer cottage.

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Continuing our tour of the Breakers…

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We constantly had to remind ourselves to look up.

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Because no matter how beautiful the rooms were, the ceilings were equally lovely.

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Even small alcoves used to play cards…

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Had intricate overhead embellishment.

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The last room on the first floor tour of the “cottage” was the library.

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Yes, there were a few bookcases beside the 16th century French fireplace and chimney brought from the Chateau d’Arnay Le Duc …

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But even here it was more about seeing and being seen than actual reading.

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Up the back staircase…

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Was a balcony that ran around the entire top floor offering a view of the great hall below.

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Red seemed to be a popular color for bedrooms.

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And though the upstairs wasn’t quite as ornate as the down..

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It was still wall to wall marble.

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With decorative touches.

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Sore butt station.

Got it.

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Personally, this wallpaper gave me hives.

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But Gertrude seemed to like it.

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She might have been a cute child…

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But looked to be a battle ax in her later years.

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A photo outside the house during her wedding.

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This simpler green guest room was more soothing.

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And it had a lovely view.

Here’s my husband taking a picture…

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Of hangers.

He collects old wooden hangers you know.

🥴

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One more glimpse of the grand staircase from on high…

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And we moved on.

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He’s helping.

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My husband has been knee deep into his coin collection of late. Sorting, researching, pricing and organizing.

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Which means Lord Dudley Mountcatten for the assist.

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No matter how many times he’s politely relocated to another room?

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He finds his way back.

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And helps, in true cat fashion.

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It’s the price you pay for being his favorite person.

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❤️

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Newport – Day 3…. in which we see how the other half lives.

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Newport, Rhode Island is famous for many things but no visit to the area is complete without touring the “cottages”.

And by cottages, I mean American castles.

Built by the fabulously wealthy of the Gilded Age they line the waterfront of Bellevue Avenue and are a testament to what life without property and income tax provided the robber barons of their day.

Grandest of the grand is The Breakers.

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Built by premier architect Richard Morris Hunt in 1893 for Cornelius Vanderbilt, it has 70 rooms and a total of 138,300 interior square feet.

Occupied for a short summer season of 6-8 weeks, the Newport “cottages” were the epitome of excess and a symbol of financial power in an era where the haves had a lot, and the have nots were laboring hard to keep them rich.

In true WTH? husband fashion, my spouse directed me to take a picture of the gutter at the front entrance.

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Walking through the colossal front doors, you enter the Great Hall.

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The largest room in the house….

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It’s 50 feet long by 50 feet high. And even though we’d just started our self guided tour, my husband found people to talk to.

Sigh.

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Vanderbilt children slid down these stairs on solid silver trays.

As one does.

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Under the stairs?

A fountain.

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Next door was the formal dining room, which was impressive enough for even my husband to break out his camera.

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It’s hard to imagine sitting down for your morning bowl of frosted flakes on Louis XV furniture, but to each their own.

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12 rose colored columns of solid alabaster draw your eye up to the beyond ornate detailing.

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And bracket what I’m assuming is the largest salad bowl ever.

Here’s a quick video for scale.

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I have to admit the Vanderbilt pool table is a little bigger than ours.

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And their hand cut marble mosaic walls and ceilings are a trifle more colorful than our man cave walls.

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Saying ooh and ahh is trite…

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But as you stroll through this place you simply can’t help yourself.

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Take the music room for example….

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Gold and silver leaf, crystal chandeliers, silk draperies. The walls, ceiling, floor and furniture were all built in France and imported to Newport for installation.

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The morning room.

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Just a comfy little nook for your first cup of Joe.

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And yes, that’s platinum on the walls.

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To be continued…

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Random Newport photos to give you a feel for the place.

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Newport Rhode Island is a colonial town that was settled in 1639. It sits at the bottom of Aquidneck Island and is famous for its sailing.

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Many original buildings are still standing and give the city a historic feel.

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The downtown area is vibrant.

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Quaint.

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And has a tourist sense of humor.

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With a current population of 25,000 in a little over 11 square miles…

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Space is at a premium in the crowded waterfront area.

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Parking is a serious issue and even in the off season you can spend a lot of time circling the tiny one way streets for an open spot.

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Or you can just park on the sidewalk like these people.

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Yes, the distances are usually walkable.

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But with the constant 40-50 mph winds we experienced in mid March temperatures? Not that enjoyable.

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Did I mention there were Canada geese?

Everywhere.

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Bellevue Avenue and its stately homes are a popular attraction.

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And yes, there’s serious money in this area… as evidenced by the plethora of expensive automobiles we encountered on the road, like this Ferrari.

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And finally there’s the water.

The Atlantic Ocean, Narragansett Bay, the marinas, the ports, the beaches, the lighthouses, the bridges, the sailing.

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In Newport, it’s all about the water.

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News you can’t use.

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Use is a relative term when it comes to news these days.

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Can someone please give that scientist the White House’s address?

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I’m not going to wax poetic about this particular headline, but should you need to know more…

https://allthatsinteresting.com/rasputin-penis

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Well, that’s disturbing.

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I just… can’t, with this man.

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Must be that can and a half of hair spray he uses because I have a little more hair than him and don’t have a problem.

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Hooters… without the hooters?

I doubt that will last.

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And it’s about time too.

Those damn penguins have been ripping us off for years.

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My husband hates that word, and hates it even more when I say it. But sometimes.. you just have to. There’s been a lot to curse about lately, so at least it’s nice to know my health will benefit.

😉

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Newport – Day 2… Bellevue Avenue, Ocean Drive, Jamestown, some fabulous homes, berried beer and geese.

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Newport, Rhode Island is famous for its Gilded Age “cottages”. These stately mansions line the waterfront on an avenue appropriately named Bellevue… ‘beautiful view’ in French.

And cruising down that graceful tree lined avenue is indeed a beautiful thing.

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Ornate wrought iron gates guard impressive estates.

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Some are owned by the Preservation Society and open to the public …

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Some are still privately held.

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Some look like the Addams family could live there, but trust me… they’re all spectacular.

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It’s like stepping back in time.

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Before all those pesky taxes, regulations and workers unions ate into the homeowner’s stash of cash.

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We were told Larry Ellison (founder of Oracle) just bought two adjoining properties, tore one house down and is doing 150 million dollars worth of renovations to the other. In a city that worships its history, this is akin to wholesale slaughter.

Needless to say he will not be receiving a welcoming apple pie from his neighbors.

Continuing down Bellevue Ave, we took the scenic route on Ocean Drive.

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Where large waterfront homes and properties rule the day.

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Jay Leno has a big spread here.

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And is said to drive his cars around town, popping into local restaurants and pubs quietly and politely.

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This is a gorgeous area.

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Scenically beautiful.

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And if I had that kind of money?

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I’d live here too.

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Stone is a favored building material. And turrets are popular.

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Because who doesn’t love a turret?

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Continuing across the bridge, we headed for Jamestown.

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First established in 1678 by the Massachusetts Bay Company on Conanicut Island, it’s the second largest island in Narragansett Bay.

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And though it has impressive waterfront homes like Newport…

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It’s a quieter, more laid back, rural town.

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I’m not sure why you’d want a deck around your chimney, but these people did.

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The coastline is very similar to ours in Maine.

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And they do love their stone walls.

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Crossing another bridge, we ended the day at a brewery in Middletown.

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Where I had a blueberry beer with actual blueberries in the glass. Shame it didn’t taste anything like fruit.

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An old photo on the wall paid tribute to the popular beers of days gone by. And though we were surrounded by Narragansett Bay on all sides, and Narragansett beer was on every tap in every restaurant…. the brewery itself is inland, in Providence and run by a New York company.

Boo to that.

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After an excellent clam chowder and French onion start…

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And the annoying lack of adverbs, the meal was sub par and not close to photo worthy.

But on the drive back to the resort?

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The ever present geese.

They never disappoint.

😊

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