Sunset from our front porch…
It never gets old.
If you haven’t read the sequel to The Handmaid’s Tale….
It does answer a lot of questions, though I can’t say I was in love with the ending.
If anyone can explain this exhaust system?
Please do… because I’m a bit baffled.
Yay for fall and all it’s ( don’t push winter it will be here soon enough) vodka flavors.
I see Mules in my future.
No, not that kind.
Although mine will probably have a kick as well.
I don’t like….
Ordering flowers over the phone for a friend who just had surgery down in North Carolina. I wanted a large, impressive arrangement and was very specific with my request. I said….
No carnation fillers.
All pink and purple.
An interesting vase… definitely no clear glass.
So what did they deliver for $160?
A clear glass vase, filled with carnations… and a few yellow roses and orange gerber daisies stuck in for no other reason than to piss me off.
$160 worth of everything I didn’t want!
I don’t like….
Ordering a pair of hard to find little batteries from Amazon that fit in an envelope.
And having it come in a box.
Talk about overkill.
I don’t like…
Reading Maine native Stephen King’s latest,
And realizing he’s lost his touch.
This new book? Meh…
Don’t bother.
I don’t like…
Buying a tin of Altoids to keep in my car,
Getting them home and realizing…
They’re slightly past their prime.
2009?
Damn. That’s worse than what I have in the back of my kitchen cabinet.
I don’t like….
My husband getting called into work on a weekend because,
Some idiot doesn’t know how to steer his hot air balloon.
Oops!
Admit it, you’d thought I’d forgotten about this series.
Well, I didn’t.
And in case you missed chapter 1…
Onward!
Chapter 2.
Chicken etiquette.
(Be honest…
Where else can you find quality blog content like this?
No where, that’s where.)
Chickens are the most common bird on earth.
And since they out number us by 43 billion?
You might want to pay attention.
The uprising could come any day now.
Pecking order is important… and not always based on size. Scientists believe breed, intelligence and personality allow chickens to size up other members of the flock. Knowing your place is what it’s all about.
The usual hen house order goes like this:
The rooster is king.
Let’s call him Jon…
Next is the head hen…
We shall call her Sansa.
Then there’s the sentinel.
Whose name is Arya.
And finally, the weak bottom dweller…
Who, of course… is named Theon.
(Hey, it’s Game of Thrones final season…
It can’t all be about chickens.)
But here’s a tidbit of trivia you probably could have gone all day without knowing.
Cold hearted bitches, chickens.
But who can blame her when a man with better hair comes along?
I read an article the other day about the crazy things people find at thrift stores. This was right up my alley as I used to post my wackadoodle discoveries as well.
If you’ve never thrifted?
You’ve never really shopped.
I mean really…. where else can you find these treasures.
Searching for fine literature?
Find it at the Thrift store.
Not being a musher, I was totally unaware sexual preference was even a factor.
Go figure.
When you’re in need of a box of decapitated doll heads?
And let’s be honest…
Who isn’t these days?
They’re at the Thrift store.
When you’re searching for a little extra something to compliment the dogs playing poker velvet wall hanging in your living room?
You’ll find it at the Thrift store.
Shells playing poker are perfect.
Fido’s constant shedding driving you nuts?
Thrift store to the rescue.
Beat grandma to the punch this Christmas and give her the ugly sweater.
Can’t find that just right gift for the dominatrix in your life?
Look no more…. your local thrift store has S&M Teddy.
Her heart will melt, and then she’ll whip heart shaped cuts on your thighs.
It’s a win win.
And speaking of gifts…
Those hard to buy for people?
They’d love a vomit clock from the Thrift store.
Yes, that was the description the person who found it gave in the article.
Vomit clock.
I’m hoping (really, really hoping) that it’s just heavily shellacked pebbles in a putrid pink hue.
But hey, it came from a thrift store….
Anything’s possible.
As promised.
Yes, we’re really doing this.
Chapter 1.
Having had many one sided chicken conversations, I was looking forward to this.
Chicken cheerleaders…
Who knew?
Apparently Animal Planet, who features them in the annual Puppy Bowl.
Though they do need to work on their pom pom skills a bit.
And here I thought the only variety of peeps worth noting came at Easter.
Tidbitting?
I love learning new words.
While I’ve had various roosters chase me over the years, I never once thought to challenge them to a dance off.
But clearly, they’ve got moves.
So it’s official… my spirit animal is a chicken.
I love to sunbathe as well.
*Note to self – do not Google sunbathing chicken or you will find one on the menu of a restaurant in Japan, complete with dipping sauce and white bread beach chair.*
This is educational stuff!
So the next time you hear a chicken say Buh-dup?
I expect you to politely return the greeting…. with a silent prayer of thanks to me for the translation.
Why yes.
Yes, I am.
No, that isn’t news.
I’m an avid reader and am probably personally responsible for Jeff Bezos’s ranking on the Fortune 500.
But this book was special.
As you may know, I have a fondness for chickens.
It started years ago when our farming neighbor moved in across the street and asked us to baby chicken sit.
Matter of fact, here’s a picture of the husband trying to speak to those first chickens.
As you can see, it didn’t go well. The chickens weren’t paying attention.
Were his conversational skills severely lacking…
Or did he just not speak their language?
The chickens might have been saying all kinds of fascinating things!
Or not.
The point is we didn’t know.
And as the flocks grew larger…
We made friends…
But the language barrier was problematic.
My pathetic attempts at cooing were for naught.
Clearly the birds had something to say.
Possibly deep, philosophical things….
But we couldn’t decipher it.
Until now.
So join me on the journey.
And we’ll explore these topics.
Admit it.
There have been times you’ve wanted to chat up a chicken too.
It will be fun…
