Tag Archives: television

Let’s play…..

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Because I don’t have time to post 50 pictures of squirrels or crap in the husband’s barn this morning.

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John Oliver is coming to rescue me.

Technically he’s not a fictional character, but if you watch the show…. you know he’s a character all the same.

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Of course with John doing the saving, I predict the rescue won’t go as planned and the kidnapper will have two hostages instead of one…

But at least I’ll be laughing while chained to that metal pole.

Who’s coming to rescue you?

What is it with men and old westerns?

 

They say there’s a little boy in every man….. and if that’s true?

Mine is playing cowboys and Indians.

Left to his own devices, my husband could easily watch the western channel 24 hours a day.  I know…. because True Grit, Fort Apache and Rio Bravo have been the background soundtrack to my life for the past 36 years.

He likes westerns, ergo he likes John Wayne.

Not as a real person, he neither knows nor cares who that was….. but rather as an idealized portrait of what a real man is supposed to be. At least on screen.

So when we went to Lowes the other day and were standing on the check out line? You know he had to grab this:

 

 

“Manly meals”.

I’m sure you can hear my eyes rolling from there.

 

 

Who knew my husband wanted to be a cookout legend?

The man who has never read a recipe in his life, but had to buy this book. And may I just say?

I was not impressed.

 

 

 

That is the saddest excuse for steak I’ve ever seen. And with pesto made from cilantro as an accompaniment? The Duke and his horse should be run out of town with their heads hanging down in shame.

 

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Now correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t Texas do everything up big?

If so, these are misnamed…. because those are the skimpiest, most pathetic tacos to ever grace a shell.

And I’m from Maine.

We fill our tacos with haddock and lobster… what do we know?

I’ll spare you the Gun Smokey Barbecue Chicken and the Ringo Kid’s Skirt Steak, but suffice it to say I doubt any of Wayne’s dishes will ever make it to our table.

And now, because this is my blog and you know I can’t help myself…. here’s one final picture of the quintessential manly man.

You can thank me later.

 

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So wrong…. it’s right.

 

My husband watches television to relax.

And while he’s usually knee deep in the news or old westerns, occasionally there will be a bit of classic cinema thrown into the mix.

 

 

Last week?

It was The Giant Claw.

 

 

Alternate title? When Dr. Seuss goes horribly wrong.

 

 

I mean come on.

Only a mother could love that face.

 

Description

Engineer Mitch MacAfee (Jeff Morrow) spots a UFO while directing a study at the North Pole. But when the Air Force arrives they find nothing on radar, throwing Mitch’s reputation into doubt. But soon many airplanes are reporting attacks by a UFO, which turns out to be a giant speeding bird from outer space. Along with mathematician Sally Caldwell (Mara Corday), Mitch tries to determine a way to stop the bird, which has a force field that renders all weapons useless.

 

Yup. It was a classic.

Big Bird terrorizes New York.

 

 

Here he is attacking the United Nations.

 

 

1950’s people were running.

 

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Which seemed to please the bird to no end.

 

 

Airplanes?

 

 

Yeah, he liked those too.

 

 

But never fear, these scientists will save the day.

 

 

The world is counting on them.

 

 

Bird was not impressed.

 

 

But look at all those high tech tubes and toggle switches!

It was only a matter of time.

 

 

The Giant Claw was toast…

And slowly sunk into the Hudson River.

Classic!

Getting my geek on.

 

While I’m not a huge television person, I do tend to leave the husband to his own devices at night ( and by this I mean John Wayne and MSNBC, not self gratification )  and curl up in bed with a remote of my own on occasion.

More often than not? I’ll be watching some dry as toast documentary that no one else finds the least bit appealing.

Case in point?

 

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Yeah…. I loved it.

And if you’re wondering why the husband and I have to watch separate tv’s?

I once made him watch a 4 part series about Kublai and Genghis Khan called  “Mongol Horde… Storm From The East”.  He fell asleep 10 minutes into every episode and still never forgave me.

On my current DVR list?

 

 

Forbidden History is my jam.

Juicy secrets from the past….. what’s not to love?

 

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I just discovered Unearthed.

And have been walking through the Valley of the Kings, marveling over ancient Thebes and reading hieroglyphs from the Temple of Karnak …. in my pajamas.

You can’t beat that with a stick.

 

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I also record PBS’s Nature.

 

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And now want a pet Pangolin.

 

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I mean really…

 

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How could I not?

 

Quality viewing.

 

I’m beginning to think Direct TV is screwing with me.

They know I’m stuck at home and subject to my husband’s absolute control over the remote during the quarantine.

The reason I know this?

 

 

All the quality programming they’re providing.

Last weekend?

 

 

It was Robbie the Robot in Forbidden Planet.

A classic the husband just had to watch.

Lucky me.

 

 

Have you hugged your robot today?

Say what?

 

I forgot I still had some of these crazy foreign words in my files.

So keep reading… they might come in handy some day.

 

Zhaghzhagh (Persian)

The chattering of teeth from the cold or from rage.

 

I don’t have much of a temper, but the next time this happens…..

At least I’ll know what to call it.

 

Cavoli Riscaldati (Italian)

The result of attempting to revive an unworkable relationship. Translates to “reheated cabbage.”

 

Oh, those Italians.

Ever the romantics….

 

Ultimate Korra Caption Contest Winner - on Komic Korra

 

Kaelling (Danish)

You know that woman who stands on her doorstep (or in line at the supermarket, or at the park, or in a restaurant) cursing at her children? The Danes know her, too.

I think we all know that woman.

 

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Bakku-shan (Japanese)

Japanese slang term which describes the experience of seeing a woman who appears pretty from behind but not from the front.

Because sometimes, you just can’t tell.

 

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I bet we all remember this last one from Laverne and Shirley…. but I never new what it meant until now.

Schlemiel and schlimazel (Yiddish)

Someone prone to bad luck. Yiddish distinguishes between the schlemiel and schlimazel, whose fates would probably be grouped under those of the klutz in other languages. The schlemiel is the traditional maladroit, who spills his coffee; the schlimazel is the one on whom it’s spilled.

 

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Biding our time….

 

In the time of Corona Virus.

Why is it that 3 weeks on vacation flies like the wind, but 3 weeks staying home feels like 6 months?

I know I shouldn’t complain. We’re blessed my husband can work from home and keep a steady paycheck.  But Lord…. what I wouldn’t give for Direct TV to gasp it’s last breath.

My husband is a news hound. Which is mildly annoying any other time… but now?

It feeds the hypochondria he inherited from his mother and his sometimes slightly paranoid nature.

No, I don’t want to hear the new death toll number.

And no, I definitely don’t want to see another Presidential news conference which are anything but.

 

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If only.

In other news, our stores are still out of toilet paper. And people are posting sightings like it’s Bigfoot…. or something hovering over Roswell, New Mexico.

“There’s a dozen packages of Cottonelle on Aisle 6, Hannaford in Westbrook.”

Go!

“A new shipment of  Charmin on Aisle 10, Shaws in Rockland?”

Hurry!

 

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It really is ridiculous.

And makes you wonder what we’re going to do if this trend continues.

 

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Uh oh.