Tag Archives: humor

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This is the part where I cringe…

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Along with all the other things that are being replaced on the porch? You can add the front door. It’s original to the house and has been leaking cold air in the winter ever since we moved in. It’s shifted, barely closes properly and requires me taping it shut every December so the wind doesn’t whistle its way in.

A new door is necessary but that doesn’t mean I want my husband in charge of its replacement. He’s the king of gerry rigging and that’s not going to fly here. I wanted to wait and have a contractor to do it… he says he needs to do it now before he installs the stone siding.

So this is where I get nervous.

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Storm door removal?

Fine.

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Protective glass covering the side panel removal?

Fine.

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But then we moved indoors where the new floor was recently installed.

In order to replace a door you need rough opening measurements… and this means removing the moulding.

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My husband’s track record with this task is not good.

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But thankfully he managed the job without splintering anything.

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I know he’s going to faint when we go door shopping because it will have to be a special order.

Ka-Ching.

This paycheck sucking project never ends.

🥴

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Easy is a relative term.

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We purchased a product for our front porch remodel called Versawrap. They’re PVC covers for wooden support poles that add a decorative element as well as eliminate the need for paint.

We discovered their easy to install claim was a misnomer when we wrapped our first pole… but when we moved along to the top and bottom moulding?

We realized it was an outright lie.

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Easy my *ss.

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There are teeny tiny dovetail inserts which hold the pieces together and trust me, they are not easy to seat.

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I’m not exaggerating when I tell you it took us over an hour to place the first crown moulding section.

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If three sides clicked? The fourth would not.

If four sides clicked? It wouldn’t stay in place.

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Frustration was the word of the day.

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Two sets of moulding for each pole.

Four poles.

This is not my idea of a good time.

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Because clams deserve a festival.

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Every July the town of Yarmouth celebrates clams… and we drive south to pay homage to the humble bivalve.

Parking is difficult so we leave the car in a lot that seems like it’s 6 miles away and walk a wooded path.

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This brings us to the rear of the carnival which we try to bypass quickly.

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We’re too old for that nonsense and honestly, the smell of greasy fair food that early in the day is not my idea of ambrosia.

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We spent a pleasant hour strolling through the artists and crafters, appreciating their talent but slightly stunned at their prices. If the goal is to sell things, they may have missed the mark.

I spent considerablp less by opting for some sweet notecards.

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Please note our backyard woodchucks do not present me with flowers, they eat them…. and if our resident red squirrel brought me macarons instead of chewing holes in our walls? I might not dislike her so much.

I may not have bought framed art, but I did take full advantage of the used book tent.

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Yarmouth is a lovely village to stroll.

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Lined with beautiful old homes.

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And when you’re there?

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You have to buy a Lime Rickey.

It’s tradition.

As is the clam shucking contest…

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A highlight of the festival.

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All hale the mighty clam!

As we were leaving my husband found a Bath Iron Works display. BIW is a naval shipyard and a huge presence in our state.

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While I enjoyed reading the history? You know my husband found someone to talk to…

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And talk, and talk, and talk.

Sometimes I think this is why he likes to attend festivals. New ears to bend.

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On our way back to the car we crossed a bridge.

A bridge with attitude…

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🤣

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News you can’t use.

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Because I will never run out of it.

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And they say size doesn’t matter.

Pfft!

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I don’t know.

And honestly? I don’t want to know.

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Why?

Just look at the photograph. These guys have attitude to spare…

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Ouch.

I’m not sure it’s possible to receive a review worse than that.

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Oh my.

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Drunk? Perhaps…

American? I hate to say it, but probably .. she’s upholding the (not so proud) tradition of Yanks behaving badly in Europe.

🥴

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Blooming things and a close squirrel call.

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The hostas by our kitchen landing are having a good year.

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A really good year. Tall and full of pale purple blooms.

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The day lilies that were dug up by our neighbor’s tractor when our water line burst a few years ago have finally come back to life.

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Half are yellow, half are this interesting double ruffle peach and coral.

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Sadly these two by the road are full of weeds..

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But the colors are spectacular.

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In other news… His Lordship almost caught the dreaded red b*tch.

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That rotten red rodent was sitting on the stone wall chattering at him, taunting him … swishing her tail and daring him to lunge.

So he did.

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But sadly, he missed… and she disappeared into the wall.

Almost, Dudley.

Almost.

🥴

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Random ramblings..

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As we were driving back from the hardware store where we purchased yet more materials for the front porch, we saw this on someone’s front lawn and the husband was so enamored… he pulled into their driveway for a picture.

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Bizarre yet wonderful.

Also on the way home?

He stopped for a pie.

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The husband loves pie. And even after complaining vociferously about the growing cost of our renovation projects… purchased a blueberry for $30.

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Yes.

I completely believe that’s real natural beauty.

🥴

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Sounds like my kind of beer.

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I’d never seen this before and thought it was clever.

My husband scoffed and said, “That’s a swamp cooler. Where have you been?”

Not in a swamp apparently.

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The husband’s truck is in the shop… again. He loves that old relic but I swear it spends as much time at the repair shop as it does on the road. Thankfully our mechanic is an old friend and treats us right.

He also has a sense of humor.

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😉

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Slow progress is still progress…

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Half the new soffit is up and a support pole was placed.

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Because I don’t want to be forced to paint them every few years, PVC column wraps were purchased, for a ridiculous $200 per.

Were they easy to wrap?

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They were not.

Especially when the sun was mercilessly beating down.

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Trying to escape the heat…

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Cutting was done in the garage.

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One pole wrapped but moulding not yet added, husband moved on to taping off the windows.

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Progress is slow, but it’s progress.

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Let’s play.

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Because you never know, it might be fun.

I’m stealing a prompt from our local library this week.

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I’ll start.

Neo – The Early Years.

(That’s a Keanu Reeves-Matrix reference for those of you who are confused)

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Mom Said Don’t Eat The Brown Ones.

Always good advice.

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One Pill Makes You Larger, And One Pill Makes You Small.

Not that I would know anything about that.

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Your turn.

Give me an incorrect title.

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Interspecies communication takes patience.

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Lord Dudley Mountcatten heard something in the woodchuck burrow .

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Lord Dudley Mountcatten investigated.

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On the other end of the woodchuck burrow?

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A woodchuck.

Lord Dudley Mountcatten switched sides and waited on that end.

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Which meant a woodchuck popped up on the first side.

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So His Lordship switched sides again and waited.

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And finally, after Lord Dudley’s servant was tired of standing in the heat and about to drag him back in the house….

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Interspecies communication.

Disclaimer – no woodchucks (or cats!) were harmed in the making of this blog.

😊

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