Tag Archives: mutants

You little rat bastards.

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I was not pleased.

Not at all pleased to find the marigolds everyone told me to plant to because animals hate them flowers I’d so lovingly tended were being beheaded.

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My first thought was woodchucks because those little devils have decimated my gardens in the past. So I liberally sprayed everything with coyote urine. ( Helpful hint – don’t do this on a windy afternoon like yours truly. People will shun you for days.)

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The next morning?

Another beheading.

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The day after that? Two.

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Third day? Three decapitations and multiple plants nibbled down to nubs.

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I was livid and rethinking my woodchucks are so cute! policy. Until….

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I watched a mouse come out from under the baby barn and try to drag a marigold blossom in. Mice? Since when do mice eat marigolds? Do I have a mutant strain of blossom munching rodents nesting in our lawn mowers? Turns out I do, and though I never ever resort to poison?

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When I found multiple piles of rodent poo, I did. No mutant mouse is going to nest in the husband’s new $5,000 zero turn tractor. Uh uh. Not happening.

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I have a question.

 

So if someone could tell me what this is?

That would be great.

 

IMG_2924

 

Because I was out shopping with a girlfriend a month ago and found something on the ladies clearance rack I can’t explain.

 

 

Let’s ignore the fact it’s butt ugly.

And there’s a random patch of black lace on a sweatshirt.

Let’s also ignore the clashing colors of the plastic gewgaws on the breast.

 

IMG_2923

 

What. The. Utter. F*ck?

Is there a group of low limbed mutant women roaming my state?

 

 

Or maybe they have 4 arms….. and can’t decide if they want to go sleeveless.

Either way, I can’t begin to fathom how anyone else would be able to wear this monstrosity.