Tag Archives: reviews

Why it’s important to thoroughly read descriptions.

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I’m an avid reader, some might say voracious. I never feel complete until I’m knee deep in a good book and if I don’t have a stack of at least 10 ready to go? I get twitchy.

Needless to say I live on Amazon and worship their Prime 2 day delivery. (If you mention the word Kindle? You’re dead to me. Reading is, and always will be, a tactile pleasure. Period.)

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About a week ago I did the unthinkable and ran through my unread pile in record time leaving me with *gasp!* only one book unread.

So just as I logged on to cruise the new releases, the husband started hollering at me to go help him with something in the barn. Rushing, I made a few quick picks because bookless is something I can not be. Without fully reading descriptions or reviews, I picked this one about a food critic because it had 4 out of 5 stars.

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Well… technically it is about a food critic. But after sampling an exquisite torta ai fichi e limone, she has raunchy, not to mention quite descriptive, sex with her lover… kills him… and then harvests his tongue to cook and savor later.

Yes. She’s a sexually insatiable Hannibal Lecter.

*Note to self- always read descriptions and reviews*

Because sometimes a product review can have too much information..

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Like the one I saw for this questionable product.

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Have you noticed this trend… spraying before you go? It seems like Poo- Pourri type products are everywhere these days. But the following review went above and beyond.

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A cold, damp night… spicy chili and Westworld. You have to love a reviewer who sets the mood.

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Montezuma’s Revenge Meter? Nice.

Crab walking visual? Helpful.

Chili and eggs plotting a colon coup?

The plot thickens… so to speak.

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And just like that, the old tag line has now taken on a completely different meaning.

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Uh oh.

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Because sometimes products are just…. wrong.

 

Have you ever seen something for sale and thought, WTH?

I do this quite often and feel it’s my duty to share.

The first strange item is called Q-flex.

 

 

 

And while I agree no one wants knots in their back, you have to admit this just looks…. wrong.

It seems to be 1/3 shepherd’s staff, 1/3 haying scythe, and 1/3 hook from your great grandfather’s old vaudeville act. Anyway you look at?

Wrong.

Next up? A tongue cleaner.

 

 

 

Holy crap! If your is turning brown and you can scrape that much disgusting residue from it’s surface?

Bad breath might not be the only malady you’re suffering.

A posture remedy is next in line.

 

 

Admit it, posture realignment wasn’t the first thing you thought of when you saw this was it?

So wrong.

This next item simply boggles my mind.

 

The magic of a corner piece? What kind of freak would buy this!

Everyone knows all the fudgy goodness is found in the middle.

Epically wrong.

And finally,  there’s a product that you’ve no doubt seen before.

 

 

This requires no explanation, and while I can’t personally attest to its wrongness…. I did find one of it’s reviews more than a little amusing.

 

 

Clearly this poor fellow had an issue.

Because when Taco Bell doesn’t end in the appropriate volcanic eruption? You know you need help.

 

 

 

Have Squatty, Will Travel.

Go west young man, and poop in peace.

Epic advertising fail.

 

As I was strolling the local hardware store the other day,  I came across an item that was begging to be blogged about.

(Yes, I really heard it begging… so now I have to share.)

‘SnotTape.

 

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Let that sink in a moment.

And then visualize some over paid ad exec on Madison Avenue yelling, “Eureka! That new product? Let’s name it after snot!”

 

ewfij

 

I wasn’t sure where… or why they came up with that name, until I said it out loud a few times and realized it’s a contraction for “it’s not tape”.

Which, of course it is.

It’s tape.

So wth?

And because I’m a dedicated blogger, I did some research… which lead me to the heretofore unknown Professional Painting Contractors Forum. (Oh, the things I do for my readers)

While I agreed with this commenter’s review…

 

“Wouldn’t touch it simply based on the name. What a horrible advertising strategy.”

 

It was the next two responses that made me want to hire these contractors no matter what they charge.

 

I think, “Taint Tape”, would’ve been a catchier name, but whatever

 

And…

 

 

snot worth it.

 

Bravo Professional Painting Contractors Forum.

I agree.

But Snittens?

 

original

 

Now there’s a product worth having.

 

2h2pai

 

You’re welcome.

 

 

 

Where’s the fish?

 

We love trying new restaurants and supporting small local businesses, so when Urban Element opened?

We were all in.

 

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Do you love me?

Am I supposed to love you?

I just walked in…

Stop trying so hard.

 

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The new trend in restaurant decor in Maine seems to be minimalist rustic. While I’m fine with barn boards and a lack of clutter….

 

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The chairs that are popping up everywhere seriously make me want to scream.

They’re metal, with small seats and side bars that painfully pin you in place. Definitely not for the amply hipped who walk amongst us.

If the plan is to get you in and out quickly?

These rustic torture devices do the trick.

 

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It was Sunday afternoon at 2:00. And a couple of Happy Time Fizz cocktails made me quite happy indeed….

But here’s another trend that continues to tick me off.

Brunch.

 

brunch-meme

 

I understand, it’s the weekend. You don’t get up early, and you want to eat breakfast late. Fine.

But it’s 2:00pm people! If you just recently rolled out of bed? You’re a teenage stoner sleeping one off and can’t afford these prices anyway.

To me, 2:00pm means lunch…even on Sunday. I had eaten breakfast 7 hours ago and didn’t feel the need to repeat the process.

The specials? All breakfast. The menu? 99% breakfast with one exception. The fried haddock sandwich.

Great.

Bring it…

 

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They brought it..

But damn.

 

1q2zzp

 

I’ve had thicker fish sandwiches at McDonalds and I wasn’t even sure that was fish.

 

qxbk1

 

Mentally tallying up the reasons we weren’t apt to go back to this restaurant, I did what any normal  (still rather hungry from lack of fish)  girl would do.

 

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I drowned my sorrows in flourless chocolate torte.

 

CUWnuBDWIAAYDAT

 

That’s my kind of math.