All posts by Rivergirl

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Worst. Dog. Toy. Ever.

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In fairness to my dog loving readers who must cringe at the plethora of cat posts on my page … here’s one for you.

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Wondering what your next birthday or Christmas gift to Fido should be?

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Mr. Poops. Because you can never go wrong with a morose black turd.

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No need to thank me. The thought of Mr. Poop happily squeaking his way through your house is all the gratitude I need.

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Stupid cat products.

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It seems there’s no end to the ridiculous things you can buy for your pet.

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A privacy screen?

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Cats are a lot of things… smart, manipulative, stealthy, lovable. But the one thing they’re not? Easily embarrassed by bodily functions.

Does Lord Dudley Mountcatten need a privacy screen to hide behind while doing his business?

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You be the judge.

Cats. They have no shame.

Moving on….

Lots of people tell me I need to add perches to my windows… and while that might seem like a good idea?

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Over the kitchen sink has got to be the stupidest placement ever.

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This next product must have been invented by a moron. Seriously….

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If I left that on the counter? His Lordship would be sliding those levers to the left every chance he got.

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Seriously?

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I used to have 3 bushy coleus.

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And then I noticed they’d been nibbled.

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Every morning when I woke up they were a little smaller.

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Until all that was left were the nubs. It’s not woodchucks, and this tiny garden bed is right alongside the kitchen door by the garage, the deer won’t come in that close.

An unidentified muncher.

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Who left me one leaf to remember them by.

😨

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From Hell it came….

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Moving around the corner of the house with the husband’s new toy….

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More shrubbery was tamed. (Yes, I’m aware we’re missing a few shutters. They’re in the garage, where they’ve been since they blew off the house 4 years ago. That’s how long I’ve been bugging the husband to put them back up. 😖 )

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And in the other corner?

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The flowering quince bush from Hell. I annually curse whoever planted this abomination of a plant.

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Every year we wack it down.

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And every year it grows back up to the roofline. If we let it go unchecked? I believe it would swallow the house in one gulp.

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It’s pretty when it blooms, and yes….

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It produces (inedible) quince fruit, but it’s an utter nightmare the rest of the year. Did I mention the beast is also full of thorns? Good times when you have to gather it up, stuff it in a garden cart and haul it down to the woods, over and over again.

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The woods that are wayyyy down there. At times it seemed like the trimming would never end.

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But we finally got it down to the last few branches.

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Before….

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And many sweaty hours after….

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Is it pretty? No.

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Heck, with the husband wielding the trimmer it isn’t even straight. But it’s smaller… and we can see out the windows again.

That’s a win when battling demonic shrubbery.

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Things I will never need.

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Would I like a Hermès bag? Sure.

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Would I like a Hermès bag made from fungus? Oddly enough, I would not.

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Say it isn’t so. Good grief… the model doesn’t even look happy.

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On a list of ridiculous things no one needs? This has got to be in the top 5.

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$1,000 a pair!

You might as well wear a sign that says “Yes, I’m a moron. Thanks for noticing”

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A skunk rumble.

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Every night at dusk, the skunks show up.

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It’s usually too dark to take pictures through the window, but last week they arrived early.

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And trust me, they really are fun to watch.

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Of course, sometimes….

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They don’t get along.

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And it’s on!

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There’s a lot of squealing….

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A lot of posturing and tail raising..

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But more often than not….

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They settle in and eat side and side.

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No air freshener required.

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And though it’s not riveting footage, here’s a little skunk video for your viewing pleasure.

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It’s official, I can no longer be shocked.

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I have a gift. It’s not a gift I wanted or asked for, but it’s mine all the same.

My gift?

It’s finding the most ludicrous news stories on the planet. … like this one.

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No need to reach for your glasses, you read that correctly.

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A vagina beauty contest? Of course a sex toy manufacturer came up with that. I would expect no less.

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Modesty is so important. No one needs this trophy shoved in their face at a cocktail party.

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There’s so much to unpack there, I can’t even…

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There are factories full of stock vaginas? Why didn’t I know this!

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Let that one sink in for a moment. 182 women voluntarily sent in pictures of their hoohaa… to be voted on.

😳

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Talk about fear of not measuring up. And here I thought that was just men.

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Modest, yes.

But come on…. if she didn’t think she could win, she wouldn’t have entered!

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When your brother gets on your last nerve.

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Two baby woodchucks showed up for apples yesterday. ( we put them out for the deer but these little guys are beating them to it )

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The chuck on the right seemed to be annoying his brother with his close proximity.

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Before long they were squabbling.

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And a sibling scuffle ensued.

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Left woodchuck held his ground, as well as his apple.

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And right woodchuck was forced to step aside.

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Family.

What are ya gonna do?

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