Tag Archives: squirrels

The April squirrel.

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In the continuing saga that is my kitchen calendar ( Bless you my loyal readers, the content here at River’s World is sometimes less than thought provoking ) we have now arrived at April.

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The rodent featured this month seems to be knee deep in a pagan celebration of spring. But seeing that we live in Maine, where May can bring snow …. our resident red bitch from Hell is probably not celebrating in kind.

No, more than likely she’s gathering up dead grasses and leaves in anticipation of building a nest for her future demon offspring in our one of our eaves.

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The battle continues.

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So attractive.

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After a nightmarish week of battling Direct TV customer service and their bots, an hour long phone conversation with “Susie” from Bangalore, an hour and a half long conversation with “Susie’s” supervisor “Jimmy” from New Delhi, one service call from a technician who said he was given the wrong work order, a second visit from a technician who said we didn’t need a separate dish on the barn roof after all, a 40 minute long conversation with “Elaine” from Mumbai in which I told her I wasn’t paying an extra $100 for something that should be free, and a third visit from a technician who finally hooked up a mini receiver in the man cave ….

Can you see it?

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I hope not.

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But it’s there.

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An extremely long cable connecting the satellite dish on our house to the barn.

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Because someone…who shall remain nameless but answers to ‘Hey Marine’…. just had to have a television with a full program line up with DVR capability in his man cave.

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In Maine, lines don’t get buried until spring…. which means I’ll either trip over it and break my neck in the meantime, or the red squirrel bitch from Hell will chew through it when seeking revenge.

Good times.

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Did I mention I had to spend another 35 minutes online with a chatbot when Direct TV charged me twice for the same service call and then added a $9 monthly protection plan to my bill that I didn’t approve? Ever since AT&T took them over it’s been a horror show.

😡

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She’s a clever little b*tch.

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Before the snow fell, our resident rodent pest from Hell. red squirrel was busy.

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Stealing seed from the birds and apples from the deer.

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Seeds were stuffed in every conceivable hole and our deck looked like a fruit salad exploded.

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But after the first snow storm?

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She was a happy camper.

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And remembered most of her stash spots.

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Im sure that fruit tasted good.

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She’s annoying.

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But clever.

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Because I had to.

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As I was cruising Amazon for a calendar the other day, I realized there was only one choice.

Oh, I could have picked one with barns. Lord knows we’ve spent enough time and money on ours.

Or I could have picked one with white tailed deer. But we have plenty of those in the backyard.

And I could have picked one about beer. But the man cave has one of those already.

So what did I choose?

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Yes.

Not 12 months of red squirrels… but a full 18.

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Seeing all the trouble she’s caused us in the past year?

It seemed highly appropriate.

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She doesn’t give up.

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Neither snow nor rain… nor frigid temperatures will stop the red squirrel from Hell.

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She was scurrying over the roof and across the deck railing…

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Trying to make her way to the seed buffet.

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But this snow was light, fluffy and thick and every time she tried to walk across it?

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She fell through.

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And yes, I laughed my rapidly expanding, thank you Covid 19 ass off.

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But she had the last laugh.

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Because the bitch has learned to tunnel.

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She tunneled for over an hour.

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Back and forth.

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Building an entire red squirrel subway line.

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This doesn’t bode well for my dream of her dying of starvation over the winter.

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Or the safety of our home’s foundation for that matter.

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If I wake up next month with her sitting at the kitchen table nibbling my Krispy Kreme’s? Things are going to get real.

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A Merry Christmas to all.

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Wherever you are and however you choose to celebrate, I hope it brings you joy. There’s been a decided lack of that this year… and I doubt I’m alone when I say I’m ready to kiss 2020 goodbye.

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Our holiday will be small and quiet, and in true 2020 fashion the only thing Santa saw fit to bring me this year was a torrential rain storm with 65 mph winds that will melt the snow, cause a power outage, and make our ceiling spout water like the Bellagio’s fountain. Good times!

But my husband and I have our health… and each other. I can’t ask for more.

So instead of boring you with some sappy Christmas post, I’ll leave you with two pictures.

1. Is it any wonder this was one of the Christmas cards I sent out this year?

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I think not.

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2. A little blast from the past…. yours truly on Santa’s lap.

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It’s the only such photo I have, as my mother told me I ditched St. Nick at a very early age and refused visits after this one. To those who know me well, this shouldn’t come as any surprise.

Ho! Ho! Hmm….

Pass the eggnog.

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Pandemic humor

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Laughing.

You need to do it…. so it might as well be here.

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I knew I was totally blameless! Now if someone would just tell my waistline…

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If we haven’t, we should .

Like right now.

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Karen. Still causing trouble…

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Not yet mind you, but come January it’s entirely possible.

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I saw a woman buy 13 bottles of bleach last week.

They walk among us.

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Backyard wildlife, homicide division.

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Mother and Bambi are chowing down regularly and trying to lay on extra winter pounds.

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But sadly I was right about the blue eyes fading. Once this little one grows up we won’t be able to distinguish him/her so easily.

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But look who’s made our backyard his new hunting ground….

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A juvenile Coopers Hawk.

He perches on the bird feeder pole and waits patiently for lunch to drop in.

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I got excited when I saw this:

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And was seriously hoping mother red squirrel had met her doom…

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But unfortunately it was a dove.

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Better luck next time guy.

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She’s persistent, I’ll give her that.

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Alternate title : The Bitch is Back.

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Still on our roof.

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Still trying to chew her way back into our house.

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Look at her.

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Taunting me.

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We’ve sealed up every entry point we can find.

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But she keeps looking.

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Did I laugh when she scrambled on top of the gutter, slipped and fell in the downspout?

Damn right I did.

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Still driving me nuts.

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I came home from the store the other day and stepped up on our kitchen landing.

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Which is when I saw it.

Do you see it?

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Let me give you a hint…

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We hadn’t seen the little red bastards for a while, but it was right there.

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A stolen apple wedge. Prominently placed where I couldn’t help but see it.

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That bitch is taunting me now.

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