Jerky that’s just phoning it in.
Perky Jerky.
It’s a thing.
And apparently so is this…
Which is a different type of perky altogether.
Of course, then Google lead me to this…
And yes, I realize you can’t unsee that.
But how often do you actually get to watch a twerking turkey?
You’re welcome.
The new adult educational booklet for our area was delivered today and I’m dumbfounded anyone would pay money for this crap very excited for the next round of classes!
Last season we had :
You’re never too old to learn…. Spoons.
You’re never to old to learn…. Potatoes.
You’re never too old to learn…. Ukulele
You’re never too old to learn…. Chakra Toning.
You’re never too old to learn…. Mindfulness.
And this season?
We’ll start with a class about tin cans.
Yes, Tom. It’s true.
In Maine you can take a class that teaches you how to turn a tin can into a stove.
You’re welcome.
You can stop reading other blogs now, it won’t get any stupider than this.
I mean, come on…
When was the last time you fit a stove in your backpack?
Point taken. That kid might be able to…
But for the rest of us taking the class means that can of baked beans we had for dinner last night could be heating up our outdoor meals for months to come.
No, I wasn’t thinking of that particular heat source.
But then, I wasn’t thinking of this either when I searched Google….
Damn, that disturbing.
And it certainly makes their ad slogan a bit suspect….
Maybe you should use a Campbell’s soup can instead.
It worked for Warhol.
Don’t worry..
I do.
Did you know…. after the battle of Waterloo in 1815, dentures were made from the teeth of dead soldiers? They were given to wealthy people who experienced tooth decay due to consuming too much sugar.
I’m not sure how bad my teeth would have to be before I wore a dead man’s… but I’m guessing pretty bad.
Did you know….. mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas?
This explains why I’m swarmed every time I start my morning with a smoothie.
Did you know…. castoreum, the vanilla flavored food additive used in baked goods can be listed as “natural flavoring” because it comes from the anal glands of beavers?
Thankfully it’s hard to procure and prohibitively expensive, so I doubt we’ll be finding it in our Twinkies anytime soon.
I’m sure the beavers aren’t thrilled either…
Did you know…. preparing an Egyptian mummy took upwards of 70 days, and dead noblewomen were allowed to ripen for few days prior to the procedure so the embalmers wouldn’t find them too attractive.
Makes you wonder just how desperate for a date those fellows were….
Did you know.… Kemosabe means “soggy shrub” in the Navajo language?
Good ole Tonto, not quite the faithful sidekick you thought he was.
Did you know…. woodpecker scalps, porpoise teeth and giraffe tails have all been used as currency at one time or another?
This is good news for me as I am currently awash in woodchuck poo and am hoping it will be the next monetary trend.
Momma gonna make it rain up in here!
And devoted Game of Thrones fans like me have been waiting years for this day.
Years!
It’s the beginning of the end….. and unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard a little something about it.
To be honest, I wasn’t on board with GOT at first. Fantasy is not my genre and I didn’t see the appeal. But then I stumbled on a copy of the first book at a doctor’s office and was hooked. I flew through them all… which is saying something. (Have you seen them? The Easter Island moai weigh less.)
And having read the books, I had to binge watch seasons 1-3.
Yes, I had to.
Holy crap!
Thrones never disappoints.
Did I mention there are dragons?
Well, there are.
And they rock.
And cook… apparently.
I won’t drone on about about the fantastic global locations, the intricate plot lines or the multi dimensional characters. I won’t wax poetic about the wow factor or the oh no they didn’t! jaw dropping twists and turns.
Suffice it to say there’s never been a television show quite like Game of Thrones, and there probably never will be again.
So tomorrow? Don’t disturb me.
I’ll be wearing my shirt….
And happily immersing myself in the realm.
For the night is dark and full of terrors.
And if you don’t know what that means?
I may have to rethink our entire relationship….
See?
You probably don’t get this joke either….
And that’s just sad.
