Tag Archives: cooking

We’ve all been there.

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Epic fails in the kitchen. They usually happen when you’re having your MIL or the boss over for dinner.

So when I saw these online the other day? I had to share…

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Not even close.

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Funny, I’ve made this dish as well… but had no idea it was Italian.

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Recipes.

Sometimes they just like to screw with you.

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Ninja throwing apples!

I like.

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Oh, hell no!

That mouth. I just can’t…

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I’m all for making pets out of rocks, they’re so obedient. But this looks more like a creepy charcoal briquette.

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It’s official.

I will never eat sausage again.

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I have to admit this one got me thinking…

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What is it they say…?

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Revenge is a dish best served cold.

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Hmm. I’d have no problem with supply, momma red squirrel reproduces like a rabbit.

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Now I love me some biscuits and gravy… but no.

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And though I’ve been known to make a mean gumbo…. again, no.

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Squirrel ravioli? Can’t quite wrap my mind around that.

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While I admit they annoy me to no end, that image is a trifle disturbing.

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Fried squirrel heart on crackers with cheese? You don’t see that on many appetizer trays.

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Squirrel lard cookies.

Is it me…. or do they look like little nut topped turds?

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So maybe it wasn’t quite the miracle I thought.

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The other day I blogged about the miracle of finding my husband getting rid of things in the big barn.

I was happy!

I was thrilled!

Heck, I was downright orgasmic.

Until I walked upstairs.

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A lot of the things I thought he’d gotten rid of…

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Had just migrated upward instead. So with determination in my step I went back down to help him sort through things to throw away.

It did not go well.

Here are a few of the items he couldn’t bear to part with.

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No, you’re not seeing double. That’s a flippable measuring cup… though why on earth you’d need to flip one I don’t know.

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Blank dog tags.

A box of them.

Why? Unless he’s planning to outfit a woodchuck army…. I don’t see the point.

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A rock.

And while I’m normally all about the rocks, I do prefer mine outside…. or slowly cooling my gin and tonic.

Finally there was this:

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He wouldn’t part with it, even though he didn’t know where he’d gotten it or what the hell it was.

So let me resurrect that old blog series I used to torture you with..

Name That Crap!

What is it?

( And yes, I did research so I know the answer. )

My blue heaven….

 

We’re rapidly running out of fresh blueberries thanks to the crows…. so it was time to whip out my all time favorite blue recipe.

Lemon blueberry pound cake with a lemon zest glaze.

 

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Ooh la la…. the batter has a stick of butter in it.

 

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And once you add the berries?

I eat it like ice cream.

Do I make a mess when I bake?

 

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You could say that.

But it’s so worth it.

 

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Three loaves of buttery berried goodness.

I ran into a little SNAFU after they cooled and I started to make the glaze.

 

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2017? No problem….

Expiration dates are for the weak.

But settle down, I Googled it.

 

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There.

If Google says it’s alright? Who am I to argue.

 

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Lemon zest glaze.

 

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I tend to do more than drizzle.

 

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Because when have you ever heard someone say,  “I’ll take mine with less fabulousness please?”

 

 

 

Recipe as requested.

It should be noted I double…. oh alright, sometimes triple…. the glaze ingredients.

They’re not worthy.

 

Not worthy of a blog of their own, but random interesting stuff all the same.

(And by interesting, you know I mean not at all interesting… just random information you didn’t want nor need but I feel compelled to share anyway)

 

 

I read a lot…. and before now have never thought of myself as any of these.

But from now on?

I’m an ink drinker all the way.

 

 

Yes, I bought myself a frying pan that’s reinforced by diamonds.

Because my fried chicken deserves the very best.

 

 

My rose is blooming like a lolly pop.

 

 

Is this earth shattering news you can use?

No.

But nothing I say ever is.

 

 

This claims to be the perfect Cosmopolitan recipe.

I shall research it extensively and report back.

 

 

Sadly, we had to shop for 2 headstones for recently passed members of my husband’s family.

After we picked the size of the stone, and the color of the granite….this was what we were given. Sheets of paper with literally thousands of designs that were printed so small, even reading glasses and a magnifying glass barely helped us make them out.

I believe the husband chose a lighthouse for one…. but it could as easily have been a beer keg.

Time will tell.

 

 

Danger Will Robinson!

If you’ve never experienced a browntail moth rash you haven’t lived a full life. Imagine mixing poison ivy with fire ants and chicken pox…. and you might come close.

These little bastards have moved into Maine and are stripping our trees bare. And if you happen to brush up against one of them? Hang on, because you’ll attempt to rip the skin off your bones within 12 hours. Nothing stops the itch except a spray that comes in a one ounce bottle sold by one hospital in the state for $65 per. Insurance won’t cover it and you need a doctor’s prescription to purchase it.

I get the rash at least 3 times a year.

Good times.

And finally, if you’ve been wondering what people are doing to keep busy during the pandemic… or how they’re spending their stimulus money?

Wonder no longer.

 

Products no one needs.

 

I know we’ve all become lazy housebound sods who can’t be bothered to put on pants during the pandemic, but this?

 

 

This is a bridge too far.

The day I’m too lazy to stir my own pan you have permission to slit my throat, fill it with kale and put me out of my misery.

And while I’m all for cocktails?

 

 

 

I have absolutely no intention of sharing my margaritas with llamas.

Nope.

Not happening.

 

 

 

Oh, yeah.

Kitty Hitler looks positively thrilled.

 

 

 

Let’s ponder this for a moment.

Someone thought about, invented, pitched, found investment capital and marketed….. a hammock for fish.

Is this a great country or what!

And finally…. when your dog no longer needs his collar of shame?

 

 

Viola!

You can re-purpose it in the kitchen.

You’re welcome.

It finally happened.

 

I swear I’ve cooked more meals in the last two months than I have in the previous six.

Virus quarantining means a lack of many things, but around here? A full plate isn’t one of them.

I never used to cook or eat breakfast. Now it’s blueberry banana pancakes and thick cut bacon.

I used to eat a light lunch. Now it’s cream of turkey and wild rice soup, a chicken Caesar wrap and a chocolate chip cannoli.

Four nights a week we used to have salad. Now it’s more likely to be a pot roast dinner with all the fixings.

 

 

We may not do much else, but damn it… we eat.

Which means I’m getting tired of cooking and craving some decent take out.

Our last two attempts were abysmal failures but we finally got lucky at a little local restaurant in the next town I never paid much attention to before.

 

 

Delectable, juicy, and dripping with sauce… these sweet and spicy Thai wings were pure ambrosia. I admit to sharing with the husband…. but only grudgingly.

 

 

There was also a stellar pizza called the Mainer. Garlic butter brushed crust with Italian sausage, bacon, onion, peppers, mushroom and olives.

I was thrilled.

I was ecstatic.

I may have drooled.

So yes, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say we’ll probably be repeating the process.

 

Strange products are back.

 

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Unless it’s in a rent by the hour hot sheet motel? I don’t think anyone needs their bed to vibrate.

 

 

Just…. no.

If I’m not willing to eat kale? ( and I think we’ve established I’d rather have my toenails ripped off by a hungry wombat ) I doubt I’ll be spreading it on my face any time soon.

 

 

 

Well this is ridiculous.

Leftover chocolate. What’s that?

 

 

 

Proof positive there are a limitless number of kitchen gadgets waiting to collect dust in your cabinet.

Move over avocado hugger and ice cream ball. Spaetzle maker is in da house.

 

 

I have no idea if this works or not, but may I just say?

Eww.

 

 

 

 

When I first saw this I thought… nope, I’ll pass on the motivational self help crap.

Until I realized it could be filled with G&T’s or margaritas.

1:00pm took on a whole new meaning then.

 

Things that make me say WTH?

 

Stupid products….

Keeping the American economy strong for decades.

 

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The Crunch Cup. So you can drink your morning cereal…

 

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Most important meal of the day? Maybe.

But you should know my husband’s cardiologist (the top rated man at the largest and best hospital in our state) said breakfast cereal is a top contributor to obesity and diabetes in this country. He won’t even allow it in his house.

So no cereal sippy cups for us.

 

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Toaster bags.

 

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Now I don’t know about you, but the day I’m too lazy to butter my bread?

I’ll just hang it up for good and take to my bed with a case of Patron.

 

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No, this is not an iPhone ball delivery system for playing catch with Fido.

 

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Pooch Selfies.

Kill me now.

 

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Okay…. I can almost see the attraction here.

 

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And while this may look a little odd?

 

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The Guzzle Buddy has my name written all over it.

But this?

 

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This is a bridge too far.

 

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No.

Just… no.

 

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I don’t know about you?

But a hydrated ass is the least of my worries right now.