Tag Archives: cooking

In the continuing series – River is a Pandemic Slacker….

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What have I done during the pandemic that can be considered constructive? Well… I’ve gained weight, tore the meniscus and damaged the MCL in my right knee, gained more weight, adopted a cat and drank my skyrocketing weight in alcohol. What haven’t I done?

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I haven’t written and published a cookbook with a lizard.

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But this woman did.

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And I think I’m going to have to buy it.

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Egg products no one needs.

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Disclaimer: I am not an egg fan. I cook with them but have never found them the least bit appetizing…. so my take on these products might be slightly skewed.

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Mr. Sneezy?

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No thank you.

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While this one doesn’t gross me out per se…

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They’re something about dropping a group of penguins in boiling water I just can’t get behind.

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Do we need to mold eggs?

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We most certainly do not.

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We’ve all been there.

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Epic fails in the kitchen. They usually happen when you’re having your MIL or the boss over for dinner.

So when I saw these online the other day? I had to share…

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Not even close.

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Funny, I’ve made this dish as well… but had no idea it was Italian.

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Recipes.

Sometimes they just like to screw with you.

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Ninja throwing apples!

I like.

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Oh, hell no!

That mouth. I just can’t…

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I’m all for making pets out of rocks, they’re so obedient. But this looks more like a creepy charcoal briquette.

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It’s official.

I will never eat sausage again.

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I have to admit this one got me thinking…

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What is it they say…?

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Revenge is a dish best served cold.

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Hmm. I’d have no problem with supply, momma red squirrel reproduces like a rabbit.

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Now I love me some biscuits and gravy… but no.

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And though I’ve been known to make a mean gumbo…. again, no.

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Squirrel ravioli? Can’t quite wrap my mind around that.

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While I admit they annoy me to no end, that image is a trifle disturbing.

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Fried squirrel heart on crackers with cheese? You don’t see that on many appetizer trays.

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Squirrel lard cookies.

Is it me…. or do they look like little nut topped turds?

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So maybe it wasn’t quite the miracle I thought.

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The other day I blogged about the miracle of finding my husband getting rid of things in the big barn.

I was happy!

I was thrilled!

Heck, I was downright orgasmic.

Until I walked upstairs.

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A lot of the things I thought he’d gotten rid of…

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Had just migrated upward instead. So with determination in my step I went back down to help him sort through things to throw away.

It did not go well.

Here are a few of the items he couldn’t bear to part with.

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No, you’re not seeing double. That’s a flippable measuring cup… though why on earth you’d need to flip one I don’t know.

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Blank dog tags.

A box of them.

Why? Unless he’s planning to outfit a woodchuck army…. I don’t see the point.

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A rock.

And while I’m normally all about the rocks, I do prefer mine outside…. or slowly cooling my gin and tonic.

Finally there was this:

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He wouldn’t part with it, even though he didn’t know where he’d gotten it or what the hell it was.

So let me resurrect that old blog series I used to torture you with..

Name That Crap!

What is it?

( And yes, I did research so I know the answer. )

My blue heaven….

 

We’re rapidly running out of fresh blueberries thanks to the crows…. so it was time to whip out my all time favorite blue recipe.

Lemon blueberry pound cake with a lemon zest glaze.

 

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Ooh la la…. the batter has a stick of butter in it.

 

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And once you add the berries?

I eat it like ice cream.

Do I make a mess when I bake?

 

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You could say that.

But it’s so worth it.

 

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Three loaves of buttery berried goodness.

I ran into a little SNAFU after they cooled and I started to make the glaze.

 

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2017? No problem….

Expiration dates are for the weak.

But settle down, I Googled it.

 

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There.

If Google says it’s alright? Who am I to argue.

 

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Lemon zest glaze.

 

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I tend to do more than drizzle.

 

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Because when have you ever heard someone say,  “I’ll take mine with less fabulousness please?”

 

 

 

Recipe as requested.

It should be noted I double…. oh alright, sometimes triple…. the glaze ingredients.

They’re not worthy.

 

Not worthy of a blog of their own, but random interesting stuff all the same.

(And by interesting, you know I mean not at all interesting… just random information you didn’t want nor need but I feel compelled to share anyway)

 

 

I read a lot…. and before now have never thought of myself as any of these.

But from now on?

I’m an ink drinker all the way.

 

 

Yes, I bought myself a frying pan that’s reinforced by diamonds.

Because my fried chicken deserves the very best.

 

 

My rose is blooming like a lolly pop.

 

 

Is this earth shattering news you can use?

No.

But nothing I say ever is.

 

 

This claims to be the perfect Cosmopolitan recipe.

I shall research it extensively and report back.

 

 

Sadly, we had to shop for 2 headstones for recently passed members of my husband’s family.

After we picked the size of the stone, and the color of the granite….this was what we were given. Sheets of paper with literally thousands of designs that were printed so small, even reading glasses and a magnifying glass barely helped us make them out.

I believe the husband chose a lighthouse for one…. but it could as easily have been a beer keg.

Time will tell.

 

 

Danger Will Robinson!

If you’ve never experienced a browntail moth rash you haven’t lived a full life. Imagine mixing poison ivy with fire ants and chicken pox…. and you might come close.

These little bastards have moved into Maine and are stripping our trees bare. And if you happen to brush up against one of them? Hang on, because you’ll attempt to rip the skin off your bones within 12 hours. Nothing stops the itch except a spray that comes in a one ounce bottle sold by one hospital in the state for $65 per. Insurance won’t cover it and you need a doctor’s prescription to purchase it.

I get the rash at least 3 times a year.

Good times.

And finally, if you’ve been wondering what people are doing to keep busy during the pandemic… or how they’re spending their stimulus money?

Wonder no longer.