Tag Archives: marketing

Because it’s my job.

 

Bringing weird and not so wonderful products to my reader’s attention.

It’s what I do.

 

 

And I know you wouldn’t want to miss an opportunity to have one of these for your very own, so…

 

maxresdefault

 

Yes.

It’s a onesie that’s also a seat.

How can you go wrong?

No more standing for endless hours at your kid’s soccer game. No more shuffling on sore feet while waiting on line at the DMV.

There’s a stupid product made just for you.

And a stupid video to accompany it.

 

 

 

Admit it…

You want one.

Because I’m always looking out for my male friends.

 

So a certain blogger (who shall remain nameless unless he/she actually wants to take credit for this post) sent me a link to a product that I found the day after Thanksgiving.

Having just enjoyed copious amounts of turkey, I admit it made me think twice about ever eating one again.  It seems we never really know what those birds are up to pre gluttonous feast.

This post will pass along further information for what I think is probably the best Christmas stocking stuffer ever.

For your husband, your brother, your uncle, your cousin…. Hell, for every man in your life.

Give them to your mailman and the guy who changes your oil.

You can thank me later.

Snowballs

If you clicked the link, you’ll realize I wasn’t talking about those delightfully revolting pink Hostess treats that look like Tribbles.

It’s another thing entirely.

 

ac5ea267f4b15d35ce402e36cb269d8f

 

No, I’m not kidding…

And some of the descriptions are funnier than the product itself.

“Summer is a decidedly, uh, swampy time for many men and the summer of 2019 has been especially hot and humid throughout most of the northern hemisphere. Dress loose and in light fabrics all you want, eventually the heat hits you in the crotch.

It’s a uniquely male problem and one underwear company has the solution to that and more. Snowballs basically wants to ice your ‘nads back into the comfort—and fertility—zone.

Being able to walk around with your ‘nads air-conditioned without risking indecent exposure is pretty appealing. And Snowballs claims their product can do more than just frost the funk away from your nether regions.”

 

Swampy?

 

 

 

Yeah, no one wants that.

 

“From setting sprays to chafing balm, ladies have a few tricks up their sleeves when it comes to handling the heatwave.

But now men have found something to help them out on scorching hot days — freezable pants.

Over on Amazon, a brand called Snowballs Underwear is selling “scientifically-backed cooling underwear”.

The underwear comes with ice packs — dubbed “SnowWedges” — that men are able to put in the freezer before popping into a pouch that sits over the groin.”

 

And before you decide the whole thing is just a joke, here’s a video to prove icing your  balls, sack, nuts, jewels, sweetbreads, Christ…what term won’t get me kicked off WordPress?   parts has actual medical benefits.

 

 

 

 

 

There.

Now don’t you feel better knowing these exist?

 

 

 

 

 

Just remember…

You saw it here first.

 

 

Do you Duluth?

 

For those not familiar with Duluth Trading Post…. it’s a clothing store with rather humorous commercials.

 

 

I say rather, because men usually get a bigger kick out of them than women.

 

 

Seeing that the subject matter is somewhat….. gender exclusive.

I’ve never had reason or opportunity to shop at Duluth, but recently a store opened in South Portland and my girlfriend wanted to go see what all the fuss was about.

Aside from some overpriced  ( $38 for a plain t shirt? I think not ) and under-styled clothes?

There were these:

 

IMG_6203

 

An entire section of stupid products.

 

IMG_6204

 

With a decided bent toward what you do in the bathroom.

 

IMG_6205

 

Color me unimpressed.

Although I did chortle at these…

 

IMG_6206

 

Because they reminded me of that horrible gynecologist I had who always asked me how things were “down there”.

Thankfully she lost her license to practice.

But who knows?

She might work for Duluth now….

 

 

Do you need one of these?

 

Stupid products. They’re everywhere…

Even here.

 

 

IMG_5706

 

I heard you. You think gas filters aren’t stupid?

Well, this one is for your butt.

 

IMG_5705

 

The bad part of a fart?

Pray tell, what exactly is the good part…

 

IMG_5707

 

For those of you who were looking for the perfect stocking stuffer for Xmas this year?

 

 

Next… no tie shoelaces.

 

IMG_5713

 

Because yes, apparently we really are that lazy.

 

 

 

On first glance this looked promising….

 

 

IMG_5712

 

Until I remembered the best thing about making S’mores on a campfire is that you don’t have to clean up anything.

Can you imagine the mess that contraption would make in your oven? Melted chocolate and gooey marshmallow crystallizing and baking onto the racks?

 

 

 

Finally, I admit this last stupid product has infinite potential.

IMG_5709

 

IMG_5710

IMG_5711

 

Now call me crazy, but a gentle reminder to change the toilet paper is not the first thing that came to mind when I thought of recording a message.

No…

I want more bang for my buck and was thinking more along the lines of the Tidy Bowl Man yelling  “Incoming!”….. or an upper class British accent begging you not to make a second trip to the buffet at Taco Loco.

 

 

As I said, infinite possibilities.

 

Because sometimes all you can do is ask why…..

 

I stumbled across something the other day and I’m afraid I have to share.

Who knows, some of you may thank me.

Farts Direct

 

 

Yes.

There is a website where you can actually order a fart.

In a jar.

And while I fully support small businesses and entrepreneurs, I have to wonder….why?

Why do we need a variety of jarred farts?

 

farts

 

It’s not the first thing I think of when I ask myself, “What do I get the man who has everything?” …. but maybe someone does.

You have to admit the ad campaign is catchy.

“Make a start and choose your fart.”

 

farts 2

 

Who knows?

Maybe it’s the gift your significant other has always wanted…. but was afraid to ask for.

And if that’s the case?

Christmas shopping just got a little easier this year.

 

o1hqNV3PZvoz4TAHU$-C11faB6sm8wuO1g60grYFdCEc=you-re-welcome-doctor-who-end

 

Remember…

You saw it here first.

 

 

 

Just in time for Halloween.

 

I like candy.

 

candy

 

You probably like candy.

 

 

I imagine everyone likes some kind of candy….

 

img_1997

 

I dare you to like this candy.

 

IMG_E5601

 

Yes….. Zombie Skittles are coming to a store near you.

 

IMG_E5600

 

Hidden rotten flavored pieces?

 

IMG_E5602

 

So let me get this straight…. I chew all the normal fruity flavors with stupid new names and then bam!

I swallow one that tastes like a zombie….

 

 

What the hell does a zombie taste like?

 

IMG_E5604

 

Okay, thanks.

That certainly clears it up.

 

 

 

 

Really?

 

Have you ever been out shopping and stumble on a product that makes you go….

 

 

I did that the other day when I turned the corner and saw this:

 

IMG_5168

 

Catchy name.

And I admit… it made me look.

Then?

It made me sorry I looked.

 

IMG_E5169

 

Really?

 

 

Let’s break this down.

#1.   King of the Throne? Please.

This is the only king who will ever be on our throne.

 

throne

 

#2.   Tear, unfold and wipe, DUDE.

There are only two people who can get away with saying those words.

 

 

#3.   *ALSO SWEET FOR FACE, HANDS, PITS & DUDE REGIONS

Dude regions? I don’t want to explore that statement further.

Truly.

I don’t….

 

 

#4.  Ingredients include flower extract and citric acid.

Considering the purpose of the product… and the location of it’s use? I’m hoping there’s more of the flower and less of the acid.